As Bria and I both mentioned in last week’s topic (Reputation Counts!), gifted and talented kids rarely know their reputations.  They know only the view they are trying to project.  Before a person can work on personal development, he has to believe that development should occur.  As I said last week, it is critical that you help your child know how he is perceived.  Only then can he see to any personal development that should occur. 

     There are ways you can handle helping your child understand his fallacies without destroying him.  Let’s say that your child is teaching himself to play the piano.  Congratulate him on benchmark accomplishments.  You don’t have to get him piano lessons.  In fact, most gifted will quit when made to practice.  But, you should take him to competitions to here others his age play.  He will evaluate how his playing stacks up.  At this point, he will either quit or dig in and practice.  If he quits, don’t worry.  Gifted and talented kids have a wide variety of interests.  When something no longer holds their interests, they move on.  For this reason, parents shouldn’t rush out to buy expensive equipment and such until their child has maintained interest for a half a year or more.  I’ve learned this the hard way at school several times!

     I’m going to contradict myself here a little bit.  I just mentioned quitting, but when your child joins a team or ensemble, it is important that you not let him quit.  He is letting down a group, and that is not okay.  Sticking it out will be a great personal development exercise.  Make your child finish the commitment made, and then let them quit the activity if they still want to.  Most times, they will quit, but at least they gave it a fair try, and they didn’t let a team down.

     Another way to teach your child to seek personal development is to do “after-action reports.”  This is a term borrowed from the Army.  After an exercise, the soldiers get together to analyze how things went.  As you are driving home from an activity or during the trip to celebrate the game, spend some time discussing with your child how he thinks he did.  If he cannot see anything that didn’t go well, you can let him know what you saw.  Just be careful not to destroy him.  Frame it as something you saw that could improve. 

     Before the next time the activity is attempted, remind your child of what he said he should work on.  At the end, again ask if he felt he did his best. Before long, he will begin evaluating himself on his own.  Personal development cannot help but follow.

-        Michelle