Think about the people you have met who you are compelled to spend more time with. There are typically a lot of small factors that attract you to a particular person. In general, I believe it could be said that a big part of what draws us to certain people is their attitude. When you are around a positive person that energy is contagious. The same can be said about the demeanor of anyone with whom we spend a significant amount of time. 

In an ideal world, we would constantly be surrounded by positive people who make us feel good about ourselves. In a more realistic setting, we encounter a handful of these people throughout our lives while the vast majority is either neutral or negative. Think about the most negative person you know. How do you feel after spending time with that person? For me, I would say mostly I feel drained. Where the super positive people in my life give me energy and joy, the super negative people leave me feeling tired and tense. 

What I don’t want to do with this piece is promote toxic positivity. If you are not familiar, toxic positivity is a belief that one should always remain positive even in the most dire of situations. There are times when the people around us are going to be going through something or having a bad day. I don’t want us to turn our backs on the people around us when they are hurting. We cannot simply live in a positive, happy bubble and isolate ourselves from the pain and hardships. What we can do though is manage how other people’s negativity affects us. 

The problem with negativity comes when it is habitual and constant. We as humans will all experience periods of sadness and pain, some more than others. But for many, negativity can become routine and habitual. That is when it becomes very problematic. It is easier for many people to be negative rather than positive, and that negativity can easily spread from person to person. Negative groupthink is validating to many people because it makes them feel included in something. This is a big problem amongst teenagers. They are already inclined to have negative thoughts as they are going through a lot of changes and starting to feel oppressed by the authorities in their life. Teenage years are also a time where kids can experience isolation. Oftentimes, kids who aren’t inherently negative will join in on negativity as a way to fit in. The problem with this is your brain stops distinguishing acting from reality and you can easily become a habitually negative thinker without intending to be one. 

It is hard, especially as an adolescent, to break apart from the crowd. There is a fear of being othered that suppresses opposing views. If you do not have the confidence to set yourself aside from the negativity, you must at the very least learn how to keep others’ negativity from impacting you. A good first step is to not add on to their negative comments. If your friend is complaining about something, you can listen and support them without escalating that complaint. For example, if your coworker is complaining about your boss, it is better to respond with statements like, “I’m sorry you are experiencing that,” then, “you’re right he’s an idiot, I bet you could do his job better than he can.” The former statement shows support and understanding, while the latter statement escalates a situation and could lead your coworker into an emotional spiral. 

Another way to combat negativity from others is to balance the negative and positive people you keep close to you. When you have more face time with a positive person, it can allow you to be more easygoing with your more negative friends and not escalate emotional responses. Another strategy is to change the subject. When your negative friend starts going down a rough path in the conversation, try talking about something you know they enjoy. The more time spent talking about negative ideas, the easier it is to fall into a pattern of negative talk. Lastly, check in on yourself and how you are communicating with others. Make sure you are not one of the negative people in someone else’s life. If you determine that you are, take some steps to work on that. You can start your day with simple gratitude exercises that will help start you out on a positive note. You can also practice recognizing when you are speaking negatively in a conversation and try redirecting yourself. Being able to be generally positive in your communication is a really important life skill. It is never too early to start practicing positivity.

-          Bria