I usually hear the word discernment at church. Our Sunday School teachers tell us not to judge, but instead we are to discern. This is particularly odd since the definition literally is the ability to judge well! In Christian contexts, though, it is the ability to perceive what is not easily seen. That’s a pretty good skill, whether you’re Christian or not!
A leader definitely has to practice discernment. As a principal, I am constantly being brought issues that require I determine guilt, punishment, and compensation. If I just believe immediately what is reported, I usually end up apologizing because I have not investigated. The discerning leader knows that there are always three sides to a story: one person’s side, the other person’s side, and the truth.
I have learned to watch eyes for evidence of accessing memory or accessing a potential lie. I can discern the subtle body movements of someone lying as opposed to someone being honest with me. I still miss sometimes, though!
Discernment is not something one can develop overnight. It takes many experiences to be able to discern probable issues and outcomes.
Parents of gifted., you should know now that your child will have a tendency toward lying… or embellishing, if you will. Often, the intent is not to deceive; it’s simply because they can! It’s more creative… not as boring as the real reason.
It is very important that you learn your child’s “tell” as quickly as possible. Almost nothing is more dangerous than a gifted kid who knows he can get away with lying. When finally discovered, I have seen the trust relationship between parent and child dwindle to nothing. Once a parent establishes that lying is not an option, the gifted child can use his creativity in other more productive ways.
The other thing equally important to discern is your child’s mental health. Gifted are prone to depression. It is vital that you be discerning when you converse. Look for reasons for odd behavior. Be open and honest and let your child know your concern. Often, your child will appreciate the help in figuring out what is making him sad.
Teaching discernment to our kids is a lost art. Maybe it’s due to the dwindling family discussion time. I don’t know. Parents, it is your job to train your kids to be discerning adults, and the only way that can happen is if you explain your discernment. Your experience can teach almost as well as their own personal experiences. Don’t skip this. It’s important.
In a day of impulsivity, teaching your child to stop and ponder before making a move might just set him up to be a fantastic leader!
Michelle