Is there any more-loaded word than trust?  I realized this week how much a business is built on trust.  The employer trusts that his employees have the same goals as he.  The parent trusts that the teacher looks out for the interests of his kid above all else.  The friend trusts that words said in private will stay private. 

    I know that you, the reader, just had visions of times that each of those didn’t hold true.  Are we naïve to think that they might?  Should we enter into business and cooperative child-raising experiences and friendships expecting not to be able to trust the other people involved?  I think that would be an awful way to live.

    To say that this week was an emotional roller coaster wouldn’t fully represent the week.  It was a sky dive into a deep-water excursion!  As I sit at the end of it and look back, I find that I am weaker and stronger at the same time.  It confuses my body, and the only way I can find to cope is to go “solve” the “End Game” with the Avengers at a three-plus-hour movie.  I should come out of that rejuvenated and ready to do the last month of school!

    Reflecting, though, I realize that I cannot even trust myself at times.  There are times when the emotions cause me to be the uglier version of myself very publicly.  Then there are the private times, when the decisions I make are very wise, but they possibly appear ugly to those who only see the consequences.  I find myself defending my actions to anyone who will listen, and then I reprimand myself in the evening because time is the only way for those decisions to appear wise.

    Is there a time when we can absolutely trust someone?  As I Christian, my answer is yes.  I absolutely trust that God works toward my good if I am seeking His will.  I believe that sometimes “man” makes decision that hurt me, but God will work it to the good if I seek His will.  I have literally thousands of examples of Him doing so.  I also trust that He will correct me when I am the one who has hurt others, and let’s just say there was some correcting going on this week!

    I know that few believe as I do, though… especially in gifted families.  So, how do we teach our kids trust?  Unfortunately, many gifted are not taught to trust.  This is why so many of them become cynical.  They naïvely trust that people will follow their lead or be as passionate about a cause or do the right thing, and when it doesn’t happen, they develop the idea that those around them are stupid or insensitive or corrupt.  It is our responsibility as their mentors, parents and teachers, to teach them the gray areas of trust.  We must teach them that people will let them lead as long as they are servant leaders; that people will join their cause as long as they understand that that “joining” has a limit; that people will sometimes make bad choices for which they need to be held accountable and then mentored to make better choices rather than dropped like a hot potato.  (This does not mean that your gifted child will always get the chance to make amends when he messes up.  Sometimes people walk away.  At that point, your child needs to know how to cope with the loss of a friendship over something he feels he did correctly, but the friend still walked away.)

     At your child’s work (school), there are literally hundreds of interactions each day.  Your child is forming his ideas about trust each and every moment based upon how it is going daily.  If you leave those impressions as that child’s reality, your child will definitely have trust issues as an adult.  Your job as a parent and mine as a teacher is to help the children process what has happened.  This doesn’t require prying into every detail of the day.  Instead, it requires setting up a place and time in which these encounters can be discussed.  For my son, it was our “Sonic trips.”  Sonic is a drive-in restaurant.  When my son was in middle school, I developed a habit of taking him to Sonic for a treat.  While we sat in the car waiting for our order, he and I would discuss how things were going.  It didn’t take long for him to start asking to go to Sonic when something was bothering him.  I knew his request was code for “I need to talk…without little sister around.”  I was slower to understand how to talk to my daughter.  I mistakenly thought it would be the same, but I forgot that daughters don’t like their issues to be solved any more than wives do!  She was in high school before I learned that she just needed to “vent” as she processed how SHE would solve her problem.  My job was not to solve; it was to listen.  Today, she and I still use each other as a safe place to vent.  Needless to say, she received many calls from me this week.  Thankfully, she and I have moved to a place in which we trust each other’s sometimes offered advice, too.

    My mother’s daughter unfortunately has to learn by experience more often!  I am learning that my mother has been through everything I am currently undergoing, and I trust that she knows how to ride out the storm.  She has been an invaluable source of strength, and I know she prays for me daily.  Nothing makes one stronger than knowing that she has an intercessor on her behalf.

     Because of the wisdom of my daughter and my mother and several wise friends, I make it through hard weeks like this one.  I leave you with this thought:  trust is cultivated.  It is taught.  It is learned.  It is earned. If you are not teaching your child how to trust and whom to trust, then society is.  An adult who trusts like his junior high-self is an insecure, cynical person.  Don’t do that to your child.  Invest.  It is worth it.  Trust me.

-        Michelle