The 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea wrap up tonight.  I have thoroughly enjoyed coming home to the Olympics every evening for over two weeks.  I’ve added ice dancing and the half pipe to my list of favorites, but ice skating will always be my favorite in the winter games.  Unlike other athletes in the games, ice skaters sometimes know the “agony of defeat” a full two minutes before they are allowed to stop performing.  One missed jump can cost a medal… yet the show must go on.  I don’t know how they do it.

    I hadn’t really realized the pressure to be perfect until my husband and I were watching a story on the competition between Brian Boitono and Brian Orser in men’s skating and Katarina Witt and Debi Thomas in women’s skating in the 80’s.  Each were accredited with a perfect performance.  Perfect choice of song, perfect skate, perfect routine… just all around perfection.  

    This year, Russian women’s ice skater Evgenia Medvedeva was edged out by a younger Russian skater, Alina Zagitova.  They share the same coach, and Evgenia told her coach upon learning of her silver place that she did everything she possibly could do. I wondered at that moment if the skater wasn’t blaming the coach for giving a stronger routine to Alina.  

    People may throw around the phrase No one’s perfect, but I find humans possessed with perfection.  We want perfect politicians, perfect religious leaders, perfect athletes, perfect doctors, perfect police officers and perfect teachers.  When any of these make a mistake, the crowds are quick to judge.  Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all demanded as much from ourselves as we do from those who choose to serve?

    Here’s a little secret, though:  those leaders very likely came from a group of students who are better described as “highly driven” rather than gifted.  These were the students who made A’s and B’s through sheer determination and hard work.  It didn’t come easily, but it did come!  For these kids, the illusion of perfection is oh so important.  If your child is one of this type of kids, please understand how incredibly crippling the thought of failing is to him or her.  It’s not rational, but it’s there.  When this child is not first to turn in his paper, he worries that he is failing.  When she gets a bad grade, she worries that everyone will know she’s not technically gifted and never have faith in her work again.  I’ve seen this need to be perfect cause really good kids to cheat, and I’ve received the desperate pleas for extra credit from those for whom a “B” is just not an option.  

     It is extremely important that we teach these kids that no one is perfect.  My kids have often heard me say, “I make mistakes all the time.  I’ve made three just this morning!”  We have to let our kids see that we make mistakes, and they need to see how we cope and move on.  

    It is fine to set a standard of excellence.  After all, perfection does win medals.  Perfection just cannot be the only goal.  If there’s no fun in the pursuit of the perfect performance, what’s the point?  Teach your children that we grow most when we aren’t perfect.

-       Michelle