Well, we survived another Valentine's Day at Lawton Academy! Actually, we in the secondary barely acknowledged it this year, as the state archery tournament was on Valentine’s Day. In years past, I have dealt with prank secret admirers, unrequited love, budding relationships, showers of affection from current couples, and declarations of “never going to fall in love.” I enjoy reminding those who do the latter of their protestations when they eventually do begin dating.
Parents of gifted teens should be aware that their children have strong feelings about love. Many of my gifted boys desperately want a girlfriend, some even becoming suicidal in high school if they still haven’t found one. I am constantly encouraging my boys not to become jaded when girls don’t understand how romantic they’re trying to be. Their wives are going to love this stuff!
Gifted girls don’t pigeonhole as easily; I’ve seen it all. One thing common to both sexes when dealing with gifted is the desire to have one person with whom they can share everything. I often tell my kids that this is because, as gifted adults, they will be so overcommitted that they won’t have much time for many more friends than their spouses!
Dating has been interesting to watch. I have seen those not allowed to date, “sneak” relationships while at school, and I have seen parents push romances just to know that their kids can get dates. I find with gifted that it is best not to bring it up until they are questioning. Then a healthy discussion of the joys and pains of dating can include ways to protect from the pain and celebrate the joys. I have found that parents who give too much guidance suffer the same problems as those who give little to none. Gifted teens like to be treated like adults, so don’t spare the details of “going too far.” Gifted usually can understand how their plans for life could be ruined in a spur of the moment decision.
Because many gifted are very rule-driven, it is important that you teach your children love doesn’t always play by the rules. Sometimes we love someone deeply, and they don’t feel the same way. We have to teach our kids to note the things they like about that person and add it to a list of attributes they ultimately want in a spouse.
If you open dialogue with your gifted teen about dating and marriage, often you will get to offer an opinion on the one they want to marry without breaking your relationship. Always remember that, although gifted are stubborn, they are also smart. Treat them as thinking adults and they will be one!
- Michelle