The “Me Too” movement has exposed a lot of powerful men for doing terrible things. This has prompted a series of public apologies, some that feel genuine and heartfelt, and others that feel forced. Most of these apologies were written by a team and carefully crafted to make the audience feel a certain way about the apologizing party.

For the 90% of the world that doesn’t not have a PR team to write their apologies, finding the right words can sometimes prove difficult. Furthermore, I think we as a country are getting burnt out on apologies. We are oversaturated with apologies that are quick and meaningless. This cheapens real apologies. While this varies from situation to situation, speaking generally, heartfelt, meaningful apologies are rare, and that fact makes people jaded towards apologies.

While we cannot change the way in which apologies are perceived, we can change the way in which me make apologies. Apologies that are short and direct are often not perceived as genuine. Make sure when you are apologizing to someone that you acknowledge that you understand why you need to apologize and call that wrongdoing out. An apology that just consists of “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” is not good enough for most situations beyond accidentally bumping into someone, or not holding the door for someone behind you.

For greater transgressions, especially those that have hurt another person physically or emotionally, you need to acknowledge why you are apologizing and validate that other party’s feeling about your actions. Apologies that include any sentiment of the apologizer not needing to apologize but doing it out of obligation are not real apologies. Qualifiers such as these shift the blame and negate the sentiment behind the actual apology. If you feel compelled to give an apology that includes a shifting of blame, then maybe you should reconsider if you are really ready to apologize.

    The way to “re-sensitize” people to apologies is to make sure that are apologies are heartfelt and not given out of obligation. Another way to improve the perception of apologies is to make them few and far between. I don’t mean stop apologizing when it is due, but rather stop behaving in such a way that causes you to owe apologies. The long list offenders of Me Too have exposed a terrible part of our society, allowing us to work on it as a nation. Think about the things you do that result in the need for an apology. Why do you do these things? Add a goal to your list for 2019 to apologize less, because you don’t need to, not because you don’t want to.

                                                                         Bria