In order to build a healthy self-image, a child must have advisers. That’s you, as parents, right? Yes and no. Many of us whose children are older can remember the first time our kids rejected our clothing picks. For my son, it came in kindergarten when he would no longer wear the cute Osh Kosh B’Gosh overalls I’d bought because the kids called him “Farmer John.” Bria never went through the tomboy phase I did, so our differences in taste were evident early on. (Ironically, we shop at the same stores now and often end up with similar items! I think her taste has influence me, though, in this case.)
It is important for our kids to have advisers besides Mom and Dad in their lives, and earlier in their lives than most parents believe. Who hasn’t uttered something along the lines of “If your friends told you to jump off a skyscraper, would you do that, too?”? As gifted kids and future leaders, the being able to distinguish between good advisers and bad ones will be especially important.
Look, every kid is going to get bad advice from time to time. A parent cannot afford to fear outside influences so much that he does not allow his child to “change with the tide.” In other words, a parent has to recognize that some things have changed since he was a youth. People who were “unpopular” in school often attribute that to lack of money to buy what was in. I would counter that with what I observed. The “popular” people I’ve seen are the ones people enjoy being around. And people enjoy being around kids who are comfortable with who they are: rich or poor, pretty or ugly.
How does a child develop this healthy attitude? It comes from listening to many advisers. Mom and Dad share wisdom on succeeding in school. Kids like to be around other kids who are “winning” at the game of life. Those who are getting in trouble are somewhat shunned by the general population until high school. Then they don’t shun them, but they also don’t pick them to be project partners or running mates.
Fellow classmates teach them popular culture: how to wear their clothes the “cool way,” what to watch, which bands to listen to, and what activities to join. Teachers advice kids how to create a path to the futures they want. Church leaders remind kids that there are others less fortunate in the world, and they advise them to leave time for helping to meet those needs. Boyfriends and girlfriends advise them how to treat the opposite sex because, up to this point, they’ve mostly been hanging out with people of their own gender.
Truly gifted kids don’t always want all this advice. They don’t see a need for other people’s opinions because that’s just time wasted with telling people they are wrong! Do you know that child? Parents of gifted kids, it is important that your child learn to accept others’ ideas. It is also important that your children socialize. “Gifted” and “nerd” don’t have to be synonyms! Your gifted child is less likely to become a leader if he cannot identify with his people, and he cannot do that if he has never talked to people.
For that reason, it is important that you not hesitate to tell your gifted child that he is wrong when he is wrong. He won’t die. It’s better that he learn the rejection of a wrong answer from someone who loves him than from a world who could care less about his feelings. Over my thirty-three years of teaching, I have taught so many incredibly intelligent kids who are absolutely clueless about social cues and trends and even common manners. And the older they get without having this knowledge, the more cynical they come about society and its thoughts. The divide between the gifted individual and everyone else in the world becomes insurmountable, and another potentially intelligent leader misses an opportunity to bring about real change.
A gifted child who sits in his room on the computer all day still has advisers: bloggers and gamers and anarchists. These appeal to all of the ideas a gifted kid typically develops along the way. I often find myself believing in conspiracy theories! If these are the only advisers your child hears, though, he is going to think the whole world is against him, and he will never be an effective leader.
We have this school because we see a deficit in the specialized education offerings for gifted and talented kids. We recognize the need for our most intelligent kids to become leaders. We know that most would rather not, but we want them to leave their comfort zone and start changing the world for the better. We do all of the things that I suggested above for parents do. Join us in our endeavor to create our next generation of leaders. Let your kids have play dates. Get them off the computer and outside with neighborhood kids. Go traveling and show them the world. Talk with them about politics and current events. Show them the problems the world’s leaders face and invite them to brainstorm ideas. Your child is worth the effort!
- Michelle