The late comedian Rodney Dangerfield always used to adjust his tie and say, “I don’t get no respect,” to which I would always say, “Respect is earned, not given.” As I ponder on the concept of respect, I think I didn’t fully understand my reply until today.
People gripe about how disrespectful the youth of today are. They climb on landmarks and don’t hold open doors and rush to be first and rarely thank people. I do see that, but I also know that the students in our school receive compliments from everyone about how respectful they are. I even had a pediatric dentist come check out our school because, when he asked to which school each of his patients went, the best behaved ones always came from our school.
Our kids aren’t perfect; they have their days when they behave disrespectfully. The key is that we do not tolerate it. Within the punishment is a chance to make a better plan for next time.
My secondary students would tell you that they’re respectful because they fear me. They know that I recommend whether they get to stay at our school or not. That fear keeps them in line. But the way in which they “level up” in every situation, the way they shine in everything they attempt, has nothing to do with being afraid of me if they don’t. No, that comes from respect. They go the extra mile because I go the extra mile.
Here’s my point: if you are the parent or teacher of a gifted child, do not “phone it in.” Gifted children can smell a phony a mile away. They know when people are investing in them, and they know when people are not.
My mother used to warn me of impending doom in my fifth-grade class. Every morning, my teacher would have us find smaller words from a giant word on the board, and he required that we use the first thirty in sentences. I would write things like: read: Mr. ______ does not read these sentences. I always brought home 100%s. My mother just knew I was going to get caught, but, at eleven-years-old, I knew that he was just having us do this so he could have thirty more minutes to get ready for the day.
My kids respect me because I expect no more from them than I expect from myself. I work hard to distinguish myself from all others, and I try my hardest to do my best work at all times. I don’t demand from them what I don’t demand from myself, and I apologize when I’ve wronged them… because that’s what I’d want.
Congratulations! You have a smart child! Be worthy of his respect. Show him how to give his best effort. Teach him to respect the efforts of others, even if they don’t measure up to his. Help him to see that he has a larger capacity for activity than a person of average intelligence, and with that blessing comes great responsibility. Teach him to value others and their property and to value our Earth and everything that makes it great. You may not realize that you weren’t doing all you should be doing as his parent, but I guarantee that he has. Earn his respect. He will follow your modeling and become an asset to society, not yet another burden.
Michelle