I talk about goals a lot in my pieces, so when I found out that the topic was goal related, I thought, “What could I possibly have left to say about goals?” To be honest, all week I had nothing. It wasn’t until the morning assembly with the elementary students on Friday morning that something came to me. That something came in the form of a very sweet pre-k boy.
We were discussing goals, and at the end of the discussion, I called on about ten people to tell us a goal that they had set for themselves. I heard everything from, “I want to be the fastest person in the whole elementary school,” to, “I want to go to MIT.” There were some really great goals in the room. The one that struck me was not one of the goals mentioned in the assembly. It was a goal that a child brought to me as I was packing up to leave. He said, “Excuse me, I have a goal, too. My goal is that everyone will be kind to each other.” That kind of statement, when delivered with the purest of intentions from a pre-k student, just hits you in the deepest parts of your heart. All the other kids talked about goals that would bring personal success or fame, and all he wanted was for people to be nice.
This goal really made me think. While other goals in the room had a ton of merit and ambition, they lacked the sincerity that this goal embodied. The other goals reflected what our society tells our children. You have to be the best, you have to want the best, and you have to be better than those around you. Because that is the type of messaging these children hear constantly, they all felt the need to produce goals that would make adults in the room say, “Wow!” I produced those responses for the child who wanted to get into Harvard, and the child that wanted to cure cancer, but the child that just wanted people to be kind stopped me in my tracks. Who is telling that child to want that? It’s certainly not society. We live in a system that does not reward kindness. It rewards aggression and competitiveness and stepping on others to get ahead. So where did he come up with this? I believe that came from teachings from his parents.
Parents, think about the kind of messaging you are sending to your children. Is your child the type who wants to be the fastest/smartest/coolest/most powerful, or is your child the one who wants to be kind? It makes a difference. I think it is incredibly important to have goals for success. Without them, you can find yourself directionless. But when did we determine that goals had to either come at the expense of someone else or be so difficult that we will likely never meet them?
The way our children look at goals is not realistic. It’s fine to have long-term goals, but it’s the short attainable goals that give us the strength to keep pushing on. For instance, if your elementary-aged child’s goal is to go to an Ivy League school, his more immediate goal should be to get straight A’s this year. Then he can have a goal to be inducted into the Honor Society in middle school. In high school, his goal might be to become a National Merit Scholar. Finally, senior year, his goal should be to graduate as Valedictorian. These incremental goals keep your child on track and help him to know that he is moving in the right direction. Without these steps along the way, he might lose sight of the overall goal.
As parents, it’s your responsibility to help your child reach the “Go to Harvard,” goals, but also remember that it’s important for him to have “be kind” type goals as well. You can achieve great things in our world while still being a great person. The teachers in your child’s life will do all that they can to help your child be successful, but you are the one that is there from the beginning and with them as they grow. If you have read this whole thing and you don’t immediately know of a goal your child has set for himself, today is the day to ask. His answer might surprise you.
-Bria