Did you have a security blanket as a child? I honestly cannot recall having one. My own children each had a favorite stuffed animal or doll, the loss of which caused much searching and crying. I remember that my son always had three pacifiers: one in his mouth and one in each hand! Be prepared, right?!
Nowadays we put security sweaters on our nervous dogs, and weighted blankets promise a more secure night’s sleep. Why is security so marketable?
I believe it’s because we are inundated with reasons to feel insecure. From twelve-hour day care needs to threats of pandemics, the day holds little security for most people. My eighth graders are currently reading The Diary of Anne Frank, in which Anne writes one of my favorite literary lines. She speaks of those who are religious having a gift. I agree wholeheartedly. Knowing that my security lies in Christ has been a major blessing. I have a guide who works twenty-four/seven to keep me on track. I don’t know how I would navigate life without Him!
With so much bad news and so many “trollers” online, how is a person ever supposed to feel secure? Yet, security is one of the indispensable qualities of a leader.
In the late 60’s, Thomas A. Harris taught us I’m Okay, You’re Okay. By the 90’s, it became I’m Okay. You? Not so much. Now, the teens I meet seem to be saying Literally everybody I know is more okay than me. It’s frightening how much negative self-talk there is out there. So, the first step to security is the belief that you are exactly as you were intended to be. That idea is emerging. Clothing ads are showing plus size models. Hair shampoo ads point out that all types of hair are beautiful. And tolerance for all lifestyle and gender choices is growing.
But one would be a fool to think that leaders would not be scrutinized and “trolled” by those who oppose them. Security has to come from within, not without. I tell my kids all the time that they cannot hurt me with taunts about my size. I am accountable only to myself and my Lord for how I treat my body. No, I’m not happy with my size right now, but their disappointment in me doesn’t affect me one bit. It’s a decision.... A decision not to give people that kind of power in one’s life.
I can remember having to apologize for some attributes of our school in the beginning. Sorry, we aren’t big enough to be able to keep from combining some classes. Sorry, we can’t afford that. I am happy to report that we have only one thing for which I will apologize right now, and that’s that we haven’t built our new secondary school yet when the need is arising so quickly. We’re about to, though, so it’s a short-lived apology. In everything else about our school, I am secure. We are doing exactly what we said we would do, and we are doing it well. Some parents come in and try to change our mission. We have to gently remind them what we offer and suggest that they move to a school that wants to offer those things. We have our goals and are fulfilling them just fine.
We want your gifted child/teen to seek positions of leadership. When he does, I suggest that you have him write down his goals for his time of leadership. (I am using the King’s English “he,” but I certainly mean “she” as well!) Post them somewhere he can see them at all times. When he gets discouraged that people are griping about things he has not done, ask him to look for those things in his list of goals. If he does not see them there, remind him that he never intended to do those things, so he has not failed. If he is meeting his goals, he has done his job. Leading is not “people-pleasing.” It’s doing what is right for one’s constituents. Once he decides what is “right,” he needs only act on that decision.
At the conclusion of the leadership position, have your child/teen take that list down and put a check mark by each goal accomplished. Discuss ways to fulfill all of them (or not to shoot for so many) and declare that time of leadership a success for all he has accomplished. If you do this, your child will gain security in his decisions and in himself.
- Michelle