We are coming up on a time of the year in which we reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives. It’s a time to look around us and see the blessings we experience every day. One thing we are not necessarily supposed to focus on is recognition for ourselves, but we can all agree it feels nice to be recognized. Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving or just bringing the Sam’s club pecan pie, it feels good when people acknowledge your efforts.

Recognition and rewards are especially important for children, but adults appreciate them, too. As a child grows up, he will be asked to do many things that he does not want to do. Going to the doctor’s office, attending school and working hard, or even just getting up and getting dressed in the morning, can feel like such a chore. It’s hard for kids to understand why it’s important to do these things. To them, it just seems like parents and teachers are trying to torture them. Before kids find their own motivation to be successful, they need something else to push them towards success.

As adults, there are really two main options for motivating children. Rewards or punishments. While punishments can be necessary in certain situations, using rewards can be a much more positive experience and can help train motivation with positive reinforcement. While we don’t encourage bribing or spoiling your child, rewards are a big part of our behavioral system at LAAS. Even in the upper end, groups work extra hard to have the most points at the end of the quarter so they get to have a free lunch together. In the lower end, kids compete to go to Braum’s. On an individual basis we have scholar dollars and credit score points that give students access to certain privileges. These are easy ways to get kids motivated to take on leadership positions, get involved in activities, and behave well. 

At home, things like a chore chart with associated benefits or rewards can work very well. We have seen success with parents who trade chores for screen time. You can do a lot of different things to reward good behavior. While it’s great to reward as training/motivating, it’s also important to recognize successful and positive traits. When your child does something great, give him the recognition he deserves. We don’t need to raise another generation that gets participation trophies, but when your child achieves something that took effort, recognize him.

There is a delicate balance between praising and rewarding your child and spoiling him. Many parents have crossed the line and have given their children too much power in the relationship. This is not healthy. But the other end of the spectrum where children do not get enough rewards or recognition is just as bad. You need to find a healthy amount of rewards and recognition to encourage growth and development of personal motivation.

-        Bria