The umpire declares us “safe” at home. In tag, home base is the only safe place from being tagged. And we call the initial page of a web site its “home” page. We throw that word around almost as much as we do “love” (i.e. We love ice cream, Mom, and our country). Having moved all over the west and midwest with my military husband, home has never been about the house we’re in. Home is where my family is. Home is the shared experiences we have and have had. I experience home every time the ones I love and I bond over a game or a dinner or a movie or just conversation. Home is the time our family shares with one another, and it’s truly where I feel safest.
Often my students will brag about all the electronics they have in their rooms. I have been known to say, “Wow, if your parents bought you a microwave and a refrigerator to put in there, they’d never have to see you!” This usually elicits a giggle or a “What a great idea!”, but there’s a much more acerbic intent in my comment, and it’s usually aimed at the parents.
I remember a few years back when the trend of “cocooning” made the news. At that time, the term was coined for the way in which we as a society would retreat to our homes at night after work and not come out until we had to go to work again. The media discussed how this made people unaware of their neighbors and less friendly. The teenagers of today have changed the spelling a bit and taken the term for their own use. Cacooning is when a teen or young adult is unsatisfied with his physical appearance and stays in his room for months, trying to better his appearance and emerging as someone who is completely different… more attractive or more likeable, for instance.
That is so very disturbing to me. While I admire the tenacity of these individuals, I cry at the idea that a teen feels he (or she) has to work so hard to change a physical trait or characteristic. How did he grow to dislike this feature so much? True – there are those at school who will tell you all that is wrong with you. That’s always been true. What has caused the children of today to cacoon, as opposed to those of the past who let it slide? I think it’s the talks with Mom and Dad. Do you remember the standard answer to your confession to your parents that someone at school was mean to you? They’re just jealous. We all came out of that conversation knowing that we were superior to this person, and we should just avoid them. Sure, it may have absolutely not been the case, but it caused us to move on… not to dwell on what people don’t like.
The very fact that kids are cacooning means that they are dwelling on these facts. The internet and what they see on social media is a huge part of the problem. But I believe that an even bigger contributor to the issue is the lack of home in so many houses. A collection of individuals, related or not, who all live in the same dwelling but rarely spend any time together is not a home. If you want to turn a house into a home, you have to invest in the people there.
We’ll spend Christmas with the kids this year at my son’s new house… well, apartment. I’ve been several times since he and his wife moved in. The signs of home are everywhere… building and craft projects partially done, shared cooking experiences, and gardening triumphs in both the front and back yards. My daugher will seek her first “out-of-college” dwelling this spring. It is my greatest hope that each will build a home of love and laughter and shared experiences. Then they can be as proud of their children as I am of mine. Welcome, Home!
- Michelle