Common sense is a difficult topic because it is so subjective. Who decides what is common sense? There are so many different experiences and backgrounds and ways to grow up that it is impossible to truly have “common” sense. Furthermore, it’s very difficult to teach common sense because it does mean something else to each individual person. However, I do believe that we can teach what most people actually mean when they reference common sense.
Traditionally, common sense refers to things everyone should know. This would be things like America’s first President, or the value of coin money. It is supposed to be the things that those around you should know already. This is not the way in which most people refer to common sense. When they say that someone has no common sense, they don’t mean that that person isn’t aware of WWII. They generally mean that that person has done something dumb, and they should have known better and avoided that action.
When many people talk about a lack of common sense, what they are really missing is social awareness. Think about the last time you thought that someone else lacked common sense. Likely the situation revolves around them saying something they shouldn’t have said or doing something they shouldn’t have done. It could also be that they didn’t say or do something that you think they should have. For those of us who were raised to help out, it is typical that when we are at someone else’s house for dinner, we offer to help in preparation or at the least with the cleanup. In a situation in which there are several guests present and the host is visibility overwhelmed, those people failing to pitch in or offer help could be perceived as having a lack of common sense. What is really going on is that those people lack social awareness. They are too busy worrying about themselves that they don’t even see that the host might need help.
Social awareness is really important because when someone acts without it, he can leave a bad taste in someone else’s mouth without even knowing it. In the workplace, young employees can struggle with this the most. Because they have never worked in an office setting, they can end up doing things that older employees would consider social faux pas. Typically, these actions are dealt with in one of three ways: a kind co-worker pulls you aside and talks to you, a rude coworker or superior scolds the behavior, or no one addresses it but it contributes poorly to your reputation. Unfortunately for most, the “kind co-worker” scenario is kind of rare and the other two solutions happen much more frequently.
Too many of these social faux pas can get in the way of promotions and opportunities. So how do we help prevent these situations? The answer is gentle correction in adolescence. No one is born knowing exactly how to navigate the world around him. There will be lots of mistakes that are made. As parents and teachers, there is a careful balance in correcting and overcorrecting. The biggest mistake that adults make when correcting children is that they make the child feel small or unintelligent for making the mistake. If you establish a relationship with your child in which you can give him helpful feedback in a way that is encouraging and meant to be helpful, you can continue to correct things without harming their self-esteem. This is a great balance. Finding this balance with your child will help him be more successful in his future.
Bria