We have come to the leadership trait that keeps the most gifted people from becoming leaders: relationships. Relationships are hard and messy and complicated and individually-tailored. Many gifted people have had so many relationships go bad by the time they are adults that they decide they don’t like people and retreat to a job that limits interaction. This is a real problem because our problem-solvers are hiding.
I understand the feeling. My students talked of having a party at the local children and teens’ amusement center. I balked… loudly, and I believe a direct quote was There are children there, and I don’t like children. The kids all gasped until I went on to explain that I like the children of whom I am the principal because they behave, but children with their over-indulgent parents at those types of places are awful. They agreed.
Relationships are hard. Just when things are going swimmingly, one party says or does something that threatens everything the two have. Our nation’s divorce rate is proof that relationships are hard. Herein lies the key to relationships, though. It’s a decision. Every couple considers divorce… multiple times. The couples who stay together are the ones who have decided that divorce is not the answer. (I’m speaking of healthy relationships… not ones with abuse or worse included, of course. There are factors involved in these situations that a decision will not solve.)
It is important that we not allow our gifted kids to run away from conflict in relationships. This means we must not get them moved from the classes with the difficult teachers. Instead, we must teach them coping mechanisms. We must not pull them from the teams on which “their talents are not being recognized.” Instead, we should teach them to strive to be recognized, even if the best player is really, really good. We must not solve their issues with other students. Instead, we need to teach them to speak well to adults so that they can address adults when needs arise.
We tell our gifted kids that they have an obligation to lead. It’s not a choice; they’ve been given much, and much should be expected. They don’t have to run for President, but they can certainly lead a team within a business. And with that leadership is going to come relationships. Some will be trying, but very few people are all bad or all good. Finding the good in people is just one more problem to solve, and it’s well worth it!
- Michelle