The first time I heard the term “helicopter parent,” I was both taken back by the concept and overwhelmed by an epiphany! “Fear of failure” is probably the most prevalent problem with which I deal in our school full of gifted students.
Students in our school usually have a history of winning, especially in board games played with family members. When they come to our school, where most of the students have experienced the same winning streak, they are overwhelmed by the knowledge that they won’t always win. We teach them to learn from their failures and plan for success the next time. This is no easy task. We have to overcome many emotional outbursts. After all, gifted people tend to avoid anything at which they might fail. Even our students from the eastern countries of the world joke about an “Asian F” – that being an “ A-.”
Our society has created the “helicopter parent” syndrome. Hiding behind the veil of social media network, people often send messages that are outright cruel! Any parent would want to protect his children. But we have seen this protection taken to an extreme. All children receive trophies, plaques and ribbons just for participation in sports, performances and contests. Thus, I have seen children even demand a trophy when none was slated to be awarded.
No one wants to fail; no child goes to school seeking to become a failure. Yet, there are many students who often seem to self-destruct. I finally figured out why one of my brightest boys always did poorly on his achievement test. His parents so controlled his life that he chose to fail his tests because they couldn’t be there to control that area also. He found the ultimate “gotcha!” The fear of failure can be a motivating force for anyone. The danger lies in letting it control our lives.
Once again, common sense seems to be lacking. We allow people to perform in front of audiences even though the performance is painful to watch. It’s a national pass time to laugh at ridiculous performances and replay them for others’ entertainment. How sad!
It is my opinion that all things should have an expected standard and parents and educators should teach students to meet those standards. Goal-setting seems to be a lost art! We have standards set for consumer products, food preparation, and many other things. Why don’t we set standards for students? Oh yes, not everyone agrees with me and the talk shows are full of diverse answers. Common Core Curriculum caused a near riot nation-wide! People did not want to be “commanded” about what to teach.
So, I’ve done my part by opening a private school where we do have standards for students to meet. We teach goal-setting and learning from our failures. And, every morning before school, I pray for the students in our nation as a whole. In our school, we work with parents in allowing their children to experience failure when it seems apparent that is the only way the child will learn to take and accept responsibility. We work with both parent and child to set goals, develop a plan of operation, and allow improvements to erase previous failures. Such intervention strategies are done on a case-by-case basis. No one shoe fits everyone!
- Kay