Beginning with a definition is a weak attention-grabber, but I’m seriously not sure people know the definition of etiquette anymore.  In its purest form, etiquette is just being nice.  What a concept!! Whether we’re talking about a former President who routinely adds derogatory adjectives to people’s names or the continued increase in gun violence, “nice” is not a high priority in our country nowadays,

     If you want to do an etiquette check on your community, you need only go to a Wal-Mart.  Watch how many people actually say “excuse me” if they have to pass between a shopper and the shelf.  Count how many people thank the cashier or answer the greeter.  Walk down an aisle and notice how many families stay strung out across the entire aisle so that no one can pass by, never noticing they are blocking the path.

    I’m sure people would blame this loss of etiquette on the pandemic.  After all, behind masks, we cannot be heard.  People are used to not speaking throughout their entire time in a store.  We hide behind our masks, never even smiling at others.  The loss of manners amongst teenagers started way before the pandemic, though.  

   So, what happened?  I believe that one of the biggest reasons might be because we no longer have a shared experience of common shows on television and common books we read at school.  Yes, parents do a lot of the teaching of common etiquette.  But when I was a kid, I was more likely to watch my favorite television star do something and repeat it than do what my parents said outside of their presence.  When everyone was watching the Huxtables or the Tanner family, we learned common manners from the dinner table to entertaining guests.  Now that there are literally millions of shows to watch on hundreds of platforms, there’s no guarantee that we’re all being taught the same lessons of politeness.  

   Parents, you must step up.  Sure, we can live in a world without the pleasantries of manners.  The question is do we want to?  I do.  I want a “thank you” when I hold a door open for someone.  I want a wave of thanks when I allow a car to go in front of me.  I want people to share the sidewalk.  These are not tremendous requests.  They make sense.  

   Our elementary teachers showed my video discussing this week’s topic of etiquette.  In the video I spoke of the number of secondary students who never thank me for driving them out to lunch on Fridays.  Upon conclusion of the clip, our kindergarten teacher pointed out how few of the kids thank anyone holding a door for them.  A few minutes later, the entirety of our elementary students emptied through a door out onto the playground.  Thirteen students thanked the teacher for holding the door.  Epic fail!!!  The first grade teacher made them go back in and watch the film again!  

   Manners do not come naturally.  It is the responsibility of parents and teachers to model correct behavior and teach our kids how things should be done.  “No one else does it” should not make lessons cease.

Michelle