This week we addressed a topic that isn’t often talked about but is typically expected of one to possess. There are certain levels of etiquette expected in everything that we do. Whether it is what we say, how we act, how we dress, or how we address others, these skills and mannerisms are important. 

Etiquette isn’t something that people typically come by naturally. It is one of those skills that you have to learn. If you don’t learn it from being taught, you might learn it when you make a mistake. Learning from correction is a valid way to develop a skill, but it is not a fun way to gain understanding. To save your child the pain and embarrassment of learning from failing, teach him the importance of etiquette at a young age.

There are small easy ways for children to demonstrate good etiquette. One is simply saying thank you when someone does something for them. So many children no longer say thank you when you hold a door for them or make them lunch or give them something. This used to be second nature behavior. This is a great place to start with teaching your children etiquette. 

Another etiquette skill that parents should practice with their kids is table manners. While it might seem like people don’t care as much about table manners as they once did, your child might take on a job that includes business lunches or dinners. In these instances, table manners can be the difference between closing a deal or not or getting a promotion or not. Good table manners can make someone stand out in situations like these and appear competent and poised. These attributes instill confidence in others about working with you. 

Etiquette is extremely important in corporate settings. There are so many unspoken rules of how/when to email, who you can and cannot address, when to be actionable and when to hold back, etc. It is crucial that you begin etiquette training now so that when your children are faced with these instances, they already have an idea of how to face them. If you do not teach your children to be conscientious of others, they will have a much harder time learning how to do it later in life. Or even worse, they may never learn to do it. 

Start small but start now with etiquette training. Teach your kids to be polite and gracious and people will be drawn to them. In this day and age, so many people are doing the bare minimum to get by. Training your children in etiquette will help them stand out and rise above their peers. If you want to give your child the upper hand, teach him etiquette. 

                                                                                                                        Bria

     Beginning with a definition is a weak attention-grabber, but I’m seriously not sure people know the definition of etiquette anymore.  In its purest form, etiquette is just being nice.  What a concept!! Whether we’re talking about a former President who routinely adds derogatory adjectives to people’s names or the continued increase in gun violence, “nice” is not a high priority in our country nowadays,

     If you want to do an etiquette check on your community, you need only go to a Wal-Mart.  Watch how many people actually say “excuse me” if they have to pass between a shopper and the shelf.  Count how many people thank the cashier or answer the greeter.  Walk down an aisle and notice how many families stay strung out across the entire aisle so that no one can pass by, never noticing they are blocking the path.

    I’m sure people would blame this loss of etiquette on the pandemic.  After all, behind masks, we cannot be heard.  People are used to not speaking throughout their entire time in a store.  We hide behind our masks, never even smiling at others.  The loss of manners amongst teenagers started way before the pandemic, though.  

   So, what happened?  I believe that one of the biggest reasons might be because we no longer have a shared experience of common shows on television and common books we read at school.  Yes, parents do a lot of the teaching of common etiquette.  But when I was a kid, I was more likely to watch my favorite television star do something and repeat it than do what my parents said outside of their presence.  When everyone was watching the Huxtables or the Tanner family, we learned common manners from the dinner table to entertaining guests.  Now that there are literally millions of shows to watch on hundreds of platforms, there’s no guarantee that we’re all being taught the same lessons of politeness.  

   Parents, you must step up.  Sure, we can live in a world without the pleasantries of manners.  The question is do we want to?  I do.  I want a “thank you” when I hold a door open for someone.  I want a wave of thanks when I allow a car to go in front of me.  I want people to share the sidewalk.  These are not tremendous requests.  They make sense.  

   Our elementary teachers showed my video discussing this week’s topic of etiquette.  In the video I spoke of the number of secondary students who never thank me for driving them out to lunch on Fridays.  Upon conclusion of the clip, our kindergarten teacher pointed out how few of the kids thank anyone holding a door for them.  A few minutes later, the entirety of our elementary students emptied through a door out onto the playground.  Thirteen students thanked the teacher for holding the door.  Epic fail!!!  The first grade teacher made them go back in and watch the film again!  

   Manners do not come naturally.  It is the responsibility of parents and teachers to model correct behavior and teach our kids how things should be done.  “No one else does it” should not make lessons cease.

Michelle

Self-Discipline Counts!

Parents, I don’t know if you have noticed this, but there seems to be an intense energy amongst the students this month. It’s like they are holding this giant ball of energy just beneath their skin that is ready to burst out and cause chaos. This happens every year around this time. They are just coming off a long break, and they are inside more than semester one due to bad weather. This is also a time of year where there are lots of competitions, but not as many events and parties as the beginning or end of the year. For us, it feels worse this year. But the truth is there are just more students, and chaos thrives with big numbers. 

So how do we proceed safely without taking all of the fun out of everything? Well, step one starts here: we give the students the tools they need to learn some self-control. A lot of these issues are rooted in a lack of impulse control. Kids do not typically come by self-control naturally. It is something that must be learned. It’s not a ton of fun for kids to learn self-control, so how do you get them to sit down and actually listen? You don’t. If you thought the answer to teaching self-control was to lecture them, you are wasting your time. You might think that you have their attention, but really they are in their heads trying to think of anything else and count down the minutes until they can get out of this conversation. 

We started with games. We played games that included people in the middle of a circle being able to touch things like balloons or marbles while the people comprising the circle weren’t allowed to touch them for any reason. Kids want to hit a balloon that is coming at them. That is a natural inclination. But giving them a tangible reason to break that habit is a great demonstration in self-control. It makes them experience the impulsive behavior of wanting to hit that balloon or scoop up that marble, realize that they are having that desire, and then have to manually tell themselves not to do it. For those who couldn’t handle the impulse, they didn’t get yelled at; they were simply out of the game. It wasn’t completely a cakewalk for those in the middle either. At some point, restrictions were added, like don’t touch the blue balloons. 

Games of this nature work well because it puts the child in control of whether or not he will manage his impulses and stay in the game. Those who got out weren’t in trouble, but they also didn’t get to play the game anymore. This is a very effective strategy for children who are competitive by nature. Games are a great way to engage children in learning lessons, but life cannot be all about games. To teach self-control, you need to focus on the part of the game that worked well. There were very clear expectations of what should/shouldn’t be done, and the child was in control as to whether or not he would succeed in the situation. 

Gifted kids like to feel like they are a part of decision making. If you can reframe some things at home so that they can make a choice with their behavior as to whether they get to do something or not, you are empowering your child to manage himself better. For example, I know a lot of parents who have some kind of condition that must be met before screen time can occur in the evenings. This might be chores or homework. Some even require physical activity before gaming. In that instance, it puts the power in the child’s hands to become disciplined and do what is expected of him to get what he wants. Similarly at school, we have reading trophies in the elementary for children who read 100 books in a school year. The children who do not meet that goal are not admonished, and there is no impact on their grades. They just don’t get a trophy at the awards ceremony. For those who don’t get the trophy, oftentimes one year of seeing many of their classmates get called upon to receive an award is enough for them to get disciplined and read more the following year. 

These “cause and effect” type lessons have a great impact on developing self-control strategies. It teaches kids that there are consequences and rewards in life based on your actions. The earlier they can learn this lesson, the better. We are doing our best to teach them these strategies at school, but they need them at home as well. It’s not fun to have self-control, so children are not naturally interested in learning self-control. However, without self-control, they will struggle in their future higher education and professional lives. The world does not reward adults without self-control. Start giving your child these tools now to have a better future.  

                                                                                                                        -Bria

    Self-discipline counts!  In this time of “the new normal” brought about by the pandemic, it takes more resolve than ever to practice self-discipline.  Since the beginning of the pandemic, we have found an endless number of excuses available to people to use any time he/she fails to fulfill an obligation.  The workforce in America is suffering greatly as many choose to stay home and not return to the workplace.  Even those who return have expressed how much more effort it takes just to do the minimum amount of work.  I think this is a symptom of an entire society which finds itself in a “depression” state of mind.

    It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves when we face challenges.  It is, however, hard to discipline ourselves to get going when the going gets tough.  I try to teach my students to think of a hero they admire.  Recently, I was told by an entire class of students that they couldn’t even think of one hero!  Oh yes, they like the fictional superheroes, but they do realize and understand that these heroes are not real.  The standard answer I used to receive from students when I questioned them about their heroes was, “My dad!”  How times have changed.  

    Perhaps one reason for parents not being named as a “hero” is that over the past couple of decades, parents have assumed a “best friend” status with their children.  However, being a best friend doesn’t always help the child develop self-discipline.  In fact, the tendency of the parents in this situation is to develop and provide numerous excuses for the child to use in times of failure.  The overall result is that students do not have a great deal of self-discipline.

    Self-discipline is really sold short by the numerous ads on TV which offer a solution for any and almost all kinds of problems, illnesses, etc.  Even today I heard of a new lotion and compression waist band which will cause people to lose unwanted weight without any extra effort at all.  Another ad that also diminishes a person’s desire to self-discipline is the one that assures debtors that they don’t have to pay back their creditors all the debt they have accrued.  The ad states that it is the news which creditors don’t want them to hear…”You don’t have to pay them back all that you owe them.”  In my opinion, this type of message is undermining our society’s ability to self-discipline.

    Right now in our Intermediate building, we have some challenging self-discipline techniques being taught to our students.  Mrs. Gibbs and Mr. Smith are teaching self-discipline techniques in mental attitudes and physical fitness.  I see positive results in these areas with most students.  It is hard work and requires constant reminders, but I see the good results.  In fact, one of our students who came to us in first grade with all kinds of habits and lack of self-discipline is about to receive the prestigious “SuperHero Decision Maker of the Month” Award.  His work at self-discipline has also allowed him to overcome much of his hyperactivity.  Not only are we proud of his accomplishments, he is very self-fulfilled and proud!   Kay

    You know, I hadn’t though of this till just now, but the addition of “self” to this leadership trait is very telling.  Discipline is very important in leadership.  But self-discipline carries the implication that it only works if done by the “self.”  Our leaders at school rarely need discipline from another source because they practice self-discipline.  And, let’s face it, if one doesn’t discipline himself, he is pushing that responsibility onto another human being.

   It’s easy to know what discipline a child needs, but what discipline do adult workers need?  Well, there’s discipline in the professional clothing, discipline in arrival, break, and departure times, discipline is work quality.  And discipline in treatment of others.  Should that employee decide not to self-discipline, he is inviting a boss to do the disciplining.  Failure to dress appropriately could result in a fine or an embarrassing shout out.  Treating other poorly could lead to training with the HR department or a loss of clients, should there be clients.  And a lack of discipline when it comes to the number of hours worked and the quality of that work could lead to the loss of that job.  Most of us are very self-disciplined when it comes to our job.

   We teachers ask students to be self-disciplined in the many ways, to include staying quiet while the teacher is instructing; keeping hands, feet, and objects to themselves; doing the work; and getting along with others.  When the students cannot exercise self-discipline in these areas, then the teacher or principals have to do the disciplining. I guarantee that adult discipliners are rougher on the transgressor than they would be on themselves!

   I think the key to helping your gifted child become self-disciplined is to show him the necessity and the consequences for not doing it in adult life and encourage him to practice now.  When teens enroll in our school, I tell them that this is their job.  Their salary is the tuition their parents are paying.  If they don’t do their job well, I will tell their parents to fire them.  This always takes the student back a bit, but the parents understand completely.  Your child will do the job well, or your child will not be allowed to return.  We expect our students to work hard and to be self-disciplined.  We do not want to push or pull them.  We want to run alongside them, pointing out opportunities and opening doors.

  It’s tempting to not teach your kids self-discipline now.  After all, they are only kids once, right?  Why tell them the ugly truths about life?  Because those ugly truths don’t have to be part of their realities if you do tell them the consequences now and help them practice.  Knowledge is power!

                                                                                                         Michelle

Passion Counts!

    In January of 2020, I wrote about passion as one of the most powerful of emotions.  Now, in 2022, I find myself being somewhat discouraged at what a change I’ve witnessed in the emotions of our young people.  I see passion lacking.  In the past few weeks, I watched as new violin students chose to return their violins and give up learning this new skill.  The reasons given included, I just can’t find enough time to practice…besides I can’t remember to bring it to school on Fridays for our class.  (I wondered if the forgetfulness was because Friday is the only day students are allowed to bring their video games, phones, etc. to school to play with friends.

I noticed most everyone had their electronic equipment …just not the musical instruments.)

    It seems to make no difference that research has shown that playing a musical instrument helps the brain develop both hemispheres of the brain.  It also has been proven that those who play musical instruments score better in science and math tasks.  It is in fact, coding skills and math skills which comprise the musical experience.  These students also just nod their heads as I remind them they are getting music instruction free as compared to the typical $35 to $40 per lesson charge.

    As a person with degrees in music, art, education and administration, I see the value in the arts.  In fact, as our art students find out, art is problem solving…a higher order thinking skill.  Musical performance requires exactness and precision as one prepares to please the audience of listeners.  

    So, what has happened to passion?  I see it in their video gaming and somewhat in their sports.  However, I seldom see the sports reaching a “passionate level.”  We recently graduated a student who was passionate about playing basketball.  You never saw him without a basketball in his hand.  I am sure he probably had that ball in bed with him as he slept!  Now, that is passion!

    Perhaps the video experiences that the Internet offers have caused people to become a “jack of all trades…and master of none.”  One of the characteristics of gifted children is that they want to try everything…at least once!  Then, they can walk away if they were “excellent at it” but say, “Oh, I’ve been there and done that!”  They walk off and seem quite satisfied with their declaration.

    Now, I must ask myself, “Will it really matter much to life as we know it if our people as a whole lack passion?”  I don’t have an answer right now…but I am turning this question over and over in my mind more and more every day.     Kay

     The word passion, like its synonym love, has been misused so often that kids don’t really understand it’s true meaning without assistance. I described it to my students as a need to do something and a joy while doing it. Many immediately relate that to gaming! So, let’s look at gaming. There is a pursuit (winning or leveling up), there is a challenge in doing so, and there are rewards that cause joy (bragging rights, points or awarded abilities, lots of pleasing sounds and visuals). How can any other pursuit compete with that kind of directed marketing?

       I have a passion for teaching, but the rewards sometimes come months or years after the initial lessons. The journey is not “fun.” It’s not fun staying up late to grade papers or getting up early to prepare for classes. There are very few “bragging rights”  opportunities and many opportunities to prove to administrators and parents that I am actually doing a good job at teaching. This pattern of hard work, answering to evaluators, and waiting long periods for rewards is not unique to teaching. Is it any wonder the number of males going to college is dwindling at a rate that is staggering. Parents, please show your boys and girls the rewards you receive that are not instant gratification.

        Probably at the root of passion is need. Those of us who are passionate about our jobs have a need to give in that way, and we do it because we see great need  in that area. Talk about words that no longer mean much from overuse! Do our kids really understand true need anymore? With all of this watering down of concepts that grew our country, one can see why apathy threatens our future.

       I beseech you, Parents, to share your passion projects and the passion you find in your job (if you do, in fact, feel passion for your work) with your kids. Show them how waiting for a reward can be as satisfying if not more as instant gratification. Encourage them to develop some passion projects, like gardening or even pretend investing in the market (or real, if they have funds). Show them how waiting can bring satisfaction. Also talk with them about the things they love, and show them the occupations that can utilize that passion. Start early guiding them, and they will benefit tremendously. Don’t let the great pacifier (gaming) kill their passions.

-        Michelle

This week we talked about the importance of passion in everything one does. As a leader, it is really important to be passionate about your work. People who you manage can tell when your heart isn’t in it. That feeling will instill negative emotions that will impact the entire work environment. As a leader you have a responsibility to set the tone for everyone around you. It is very hard to set a positive tone when you are not passionate about what you are doing. 

I work a lot with the upperclassmen in our school. What I have witnessed is that students nowadays are no longer disillusioned by the idea that if you get into a good school and work hard, you will get a good job and have a good life. The generations above them had the guiding light of the white picket fence and the American Dream to path their futures for them. However, Gen Z has seen too many instances of this not working out for people to blindly walk towards that future. A lot of kids get depressed because they have seen a lot of failure in the world, and it is hard to get hope when you haven’t seen a lot of success and happiness. 

It makes sense that kids would process this information and lose hope, but what I believe is that these kids don’t understand the freedom this perspective has given them. If teens and young adults can get past the idea that failure is inevitable, they can see that this worldview is really a gift. They don’t have to take on a career that they won’t be happy with in pursuit of success. They are more able to pursue something about which they are passionate. This is something that I try to remind the students of when they are looking at potential career paths. Money is not everything; you need to do something that will bring you happiness. I believe the best thing you can do to pursue happiness is to do something about which you are passionate. 

So, how do you find your passions? If you don’t already know what you are passionate about, it can feel intimidating to try to discover your passions. For students, I think two great ways to discover passions is to volunteer and try out new hobbies/extracurriculars. Both of these things open you up to new experiences and let you explore sides of yourself that you might not know exist. One of the best things I think students can do while they are in school is just try a bunch of different things. This will give them a better idea of what they do and do not like. All of this information will help them better figure out what they want to do with their lives. If your child feels confused about his future, talk to him about signing up for some clubs and activities. These experiences will help him narrow down the ideas.

-        Bria

Every Choice Counts!

This week we are talking about choices. Sometimes we have topics that are hard to explain to our younger students. This is not one of them. Kids learn even before they start school that the choices they make have consequences or rewards. When they make a mess and don’t clean it up, their parents get angry at them, but when they finish all of their vegetables at dinner, they get dessert. It’s not always that simple, but a lot of times it is easy to prove how the choices we make have direct positive or negative outcomes.

As we get older, the choices we make might not have immediate consequences or rewards, but rather a combination of choices lead to eventual rewards or punishments. For instance, if you are someone who got in trouble a lot as a teenager, maybe you don’t see immediate consequences beyond your parents being disappointed in you. As a young adult you might take jobs that don’t care that you have a charge for underage drinking or trespassing on your record. But as you grow in your career, you might want to take the next step and pursue a better job. At some point, if you don’t take the necessary steps to expunge that record, it will catch up with you. 

Similarly, a lot of people find themselves fresh out of college without a job. Gone are the days of just getting your degree and everything will fall into place. Even if you end up in a job that doesn’t require the degree you are still paying off, eventually that choice might pay off. Maybe you didn’t need the degree to get the job, but you do need a degree to advance in the company. In a couple years’ time, your coworkers without a degree might be overlooked for a promotion that you receive. 

It’s hard to tell whether or not your choices will have a big reward or punishment, or if the outcome will be neutral. Rather than playing your life like a slot machine, waiting for that big payout, make strategic choices that will have benefits even if you don’t receive the windfall reward you were hoping for. If you live your life making choices that put good into the world and make you a better person, you are going to have a good life. If you make selfish choices that only benefit your own interests, you might have rewards like money, but I don’t believe you will be truly happy. 

I encourage you to start viewing your day as a series of choices. Empower yourself to create a good day. Starting in the morning, you have a choice to wake up with your alarm and have enough time to get ready in the morning, or snooze multiple times and feel rushed. You have a choice as to what food you eat each day. Should you get fast food which makes you temporarily happy but can have other negative effects, or should you choose a meal that properly fuels your body to face the day. You have the power to give yourself a good day; it just depends on the choices you make. Start today making choices that lead to a good day.

-        Bria

    As I write, my husband is laying on the floor, rough-housing with our two-year-old dog.  I keep hearing “Ow!” from my husband, as the dog snaps for the ball or tramples all over him to get the desired toy.  Every once-in-awhile, my husband gives the dog a stiff warning that the action “really hurts.”  I find myself wondering if the dog understands anything much more than the fact that the game is delayed a bit.  Then I find myself wondering if my husband understands that the dog does not think about his actions.  He simply acts.  If he wants to roughhouse, the dog will comply!  Sometimes the choice is a simple “do or don’t do.”

   Every choice counts.  Every choice?  My sock choice?  Whether I brush my teeth first of floss first?  What news channel I watch as I get ready.  Yep.  Every choice counts.  They each have a consequence – good or bad.  My socks will either bring comfort or cause discomfort.  They might look great, or they might draw unwanted attention.  Dentists definitely have an opinion on the order of flossing and brushing.  And the news channel I watch can affect my political views, my knowledge or lack of knowledge of stories covered on other channels but not mine, and how I perceive a certain story.  Every choice counts.

   That’s huge!  What a burden we bear?!  Add to that the fact that the consequences of our choices can affect others around us, and we might have reason to fret. 

   But fretting does no good.  We will inevitably make choices.  Even the decision to sit and make no choices is a choice, and it will have consequences.  How do we help our gifted kids navigate the waters of choice once they realize that all their choices count?  The best way is to help them know that they will make some bad choices, but not all of those bad choices will carry a significant consequence.  For example, if I always end my phone conversations with family with the words “I love you,” and one day I accidentally end my pizza order with the same, the consequence is not that big.  A little confusion on the other end of the line, embarrassment and a quick hang-up on my end.  And a convincing of someone else to go pick up my order!  No big deal. 

   With society holding us so very responsible for every mistake we make with our choices, it can be difficult to show our kids that making wrong choices and learning through the consequences actually makes us better at making choices.  I encourage you, parents, to not wait till your gifted kids are older to explain the consequences of their choices.  They are smart kids.  They can pick up the conversation.  “You just hit the dog, and the dog bit you.  What have you learned?”  “Don’t hit the dog or he’ll hurt me.” 

   As your child matures, use fictional choices in a family conversation to let your kids test choices.  A great vehicle is the “Would You Rather” game that is so popular.  Would you rather accidentally eat a hair in your sandwich or have the wind blow someone’s spit onto your arm?  Gross… to both of these.  Encourage your child to think through which would actually be worse.  If you can stomach it, your pre-teen will like that the subject is gross, but you two are actually rendering a judgement of which is worse based upon the evidence you each produce.  Through this silliness, your child is learning to make better choices.

   Besides explaining the consequences of choices, we as parents and authority figures for teens need to make sure kids experience consequences.  I am appalled at the fact that there are groups of people out there who ascend upon a store and steal as much as they can carry, and no one does a thing.  Kids run into our local convenience store all the time and steal items.  No clerk follows them out.  They’ve been told they’ll be fired if they try to be a hero.  The kids are on tape; they’ll turn these over to the police.  They don’t.  Heck, when Wal-Mart first put in self-checkout lines, they lost millions of dollars due to stolen items.  People forgot to scan items, some figured out how easy it was to hide items, and the company took a massive loss thanks to not holding customers accountable for their choices. 

    With such public displays of not holding people to the consequences of their actions, is it any wonder we have groups of people robbing a store with little or no repercussions?

    If you don’t allow your child/teen to suffer the consequences of his/her choices, you are leading him to believe that there are none.  That bubble will only last so long.  There will come a day of reckoning.  A potential prom date saying “no,” a law official arresting the child, a hospitalization… some kind of consequence that you the parent cannot fix.  That’s a terrible time to learn that bad choices have bad consequences. 

-        Michelle

    Choices do count…at least we think they are important since this is the third time we have addressed it in three years.  Looking back at the opinions we had during those years makes me aware of how much MORE importance is given to choice in this age of a world-wide pandemic.  I never dreamed I would live to see people make a choice to riot and break into the capital building.  I am also amazed at the division of our citizens into opposing groups over a vaccine.  I grew up in the age of polio and now as then, I prayed for a vaccine to be discovered which would ensure safety for our people.  But unlike the population in which I grew up and in which people were ready, willing, and able to get the vaccine, today’s population is haunted by jeers and taunts regardless of their choice to vaccinate or not to vaccinate.

    I believe the difference I am seeing is a direct result of social media influencing large groups of the population.  It is difficult to make a stand when a person stands alone.  However, when one is led to believe thousands are standing with him/her in their choices, it is easier to be swayed into making a stand along with those thousands.

    I always remember my fifth-grade teacher saying to our class, “You only have two things which you MUST do in life: pay your taxes and die.”  The rest of life is filled with choices.  Over the last five years or so, I have found an increase in the number of helicopter parents.  These parents do not allow their children to make choices which might bring pain or discomfort.  The result I see is a generation of children who stress out over anything that isn’t predetermined for them.

    Being the owners of a private school which is not getting the help afforded to tax-exempt non-profit agencies, we realize the IMPORTANCE of school choice.  Our classes would not be filled if parents and children had not made the choice to be in Lawton Academy.  We also realize that if we want to remain their choice for an education, we must make good choices in the staff we hire, the curriculum we teach, and the improvements we keep making.

    I could not finish this blog on “choice” if I didn’t add the single most important choice I have made in life.  I chose to believe that God so loved the world that He gave His only son so that whosoever believes in Him shall have eternal life.”  Since approximately twenty plus students I have taught are already gone through death, I take this choice quite seriously. I want to help all my students make good choices in academics, health, and spiritual matters.  As long as I present the facts and teach them to think and make wise decisions, I feel God will allow me to continue in this most wonderful profession I have chosen as mine since the age of sixteen.

Kay

Excellence Counts! Part II

     I found it very necessary to help my students see the difference between excellence and perfection.  Seeking perfection is a fool’s errand.  Excellence, however, comes with attention to detail and practice.  Our school is currently tied with another school for the title of best private or public K-12 school in our county.  The other school is the school my mother spent 30 years at as a teaching, principaling, superintendent.  I think there’s a common thread here!  Kay knows and practices excellence, and she requires it of her staff. 

     Each owner of Lawton Academy, all members of our family, practice excellence daily.  Oh, sure, we still make plenty of mistakes, but we’ve made it clear that mistakes are inevitable and not the end of the world, as long as the mistake-maker is willing to admit the mistake and learn from it.  That is the kind of action that leads to excellence.

     Your gifted child is highly competitive.  He/She wants to win everything, to be best at everything.  Ironically, though, gifted children rarely want to put in the time it requires to be the best at those events they choose.  They sit at the awards assembly and listen as the winners are read, anticipating their names to be read at any moment.  When they are not, many times tears come.  I don’t know how many times I’ve had to take gifted students on a “reality walk” through what others have done to prepare.  For instance, speech students in public schools have speech classes every day of the week, and they practice in front of their peers repeatedly.  My kids want to memorize the piece a week or two before (if that far out), block it a little bit, and win.  There are times they can, but not at regional or state level.

    So, the question for parents is where the line is between demanding excellence from our kids and making them obsessive-compulsive.  Again, the key is to demand excellence, not perfection.  Okay, here’s an example:  You tell your child that you expect nothing lower than C’s from his/her on the semester transcript.  Bringing home D’s or F’s will have consequences, and you outline those consequences.  The first time your child makes an F on an assignment, you discuss the failure.  You point out that the consequences are only for the semester grades, and sometimes we have bad days within the semester.  You look at what was done wrong and make a plan to not let it happen again.  You also take them through an averaging of pretend grades, showing them how hard it is to recover from low F’s. 

     What ends up happening is that your child joins you on the quest for good grades.  Our kids do actually want to meet our expectations.  It’s only when meeting those has gone repeatedly unrecognized or when severe punishments have been given for mistakes along the way that a kid stops trying to please the parent.  Good students all over the world have a clear picture of what their parents expect and often have the same expectations of themselves even without a talk.  I guarantee the groundwork was laid before the child knew what was happening!  It’s never too late to start, though. 

     I would warn you, though:  you cannot demand excellence of your gifted teen if you do not demand excellence of yourself.  Your gifted teen is too smart to fall for that.  I sought out my mother’s knowledge of teaching to teach my students.  I saw her standards of excellence, and many times I bucked what my degree professors were saying in lieu of her methods.  I have never regretted that!  My commitment to excellence means that I pretty much work every day of the year, but the return on my investment is tremendous.  Yours will be, too!                                          - Michelle

On Friday I asked the elementary students to define excellence. I received many vague and complicated answers… some that fit the bill and others that were quite confusing. Then I heard a simple yet remarkable answer from one of our 2nd graders. They said, “Excellent is better than great.” It’s a simple definition, but it really wraps it up nicely. Excellence is better than great.

So how do we achieve excellence? This is difficult because even with our simplified definition, excellence is subjective. To be able to follow that definition, we would have to all agree on a universal standard of greatness. That is not going to happen. But we can look at a specific scenario and determine what those involved would consider excellent. For instance, many of my students set goals to get straight A’s this quarter. In that instance it is not hard to determine what excellence looks like. It would be excellent for them to meet their goals. Furthermore, in a classroom setting, you can get to know a specific teacher’s expectations and learn what they consider excellent. 

In many situations, you can generally achieve excellence by exceeding other’s expectations. If your boss asks you to try to bring in a few additional customers this month and you double your sales from last month, that would be perceived as excellent. If your teacher asks you to write a two-page essay, and you give them a two-page essay written at a college level, they will consider that to be excellent. If your parents ask you to clean your room while they are out, and you decide to clean your room, the living room, and the kitchen, they might ask whose child you are, but they will also consider that to be excellent. We live in a world that is competitive. To be the best and get the best opportunities in life, you cannot settle for good or sometimes even great. To get noticed, you need to exceed expectations. 

It is not sustainable to try to exceed what is expected of you in all areas of your life. You will burn out. Rather you should pick a few key areas and do your best to excel there. Some things are okay to be done at a good/great level or even just a satisfactory level. You cannot be excellent at everything; you do not have enough time or energy. If you are a planner, you really compartmentalize your life into buckets of what is acceptable to survive. Maybe you decide that you really want to excel in your career. This means that other things like hobbies and interests might have to be done at a good or satisfactory level. That’s okay. Once you master excelling in one area, it will become easier to maintain, and you can focus on other areas. For instance, education is a big part of excelling in a career. While you are pursuing a degree, it might feel all-consuming, and you might have to let other areas of your life fall back to acceptable or passable to accommodate the additional effort needed to excel at school. But school is temporary, there will come a day when that is not a part of what allows you to excel at work, and then that time and effort can be redistributed. 

At the end of the day, the biggest thing that will allow us to excel is motivation. If you are having trouble motivating yourself to excel, you might need to take another look at your goals. If you find that this activity is not contributing to your overall goals, then you might better understand why you lack motivation. From there you can determine what defines success for you in that instance. If the activity in question is a mandatory activity that you deem a waste of time and a non-contributor to your goals, then you can decide that your measure of success for that activity is simply completing it. Don’t waste your energy excelling on things that do not contribute to your dreams. Check the box, complete the task, and put your energy into excelling where you need to. 

-        Bria

     I found it very necessary to help my students see the difference between excellence and perfection.  Seeking perfection is a fool’s errand.  Excellence, however, comes with attention to detail and practice.  Our school is currently tied with another school for the title of best private or public K-12 school in our county.  The other school is the school my mother spent 30 years at as a teaching, principaling, superintendent.  I think there’s a common thread here!  Kay knows and practices excellence, and she requires it of her staff. 

     Each owner of Lawton Academy, all members of our family, practice excellence daily.  Oh, sure, we still make plenty of mistakes, but we’ve made it clear that mistakes are inevitable and not the end of the world, as long as the mistake-maker is willing to admit the mistake and learn from it.  That is the kind of action that leads to excellence.

     Your gifted child is highly competitive.  He/She wants to win everything, to be best at everything.  Ironically, though, gifted children rarely want to put in the time it requires to be the best at those events they choose.  They sit at the awards assembly and listen as the winners are read, anticipating their names to be read at any moment.  When they are not, many times tears come.  I don’t know how many times I’ve had to take gifted students on a “reality walk” through what others have done to prepare.  For instance, speech students in public schools have speech classes every day of the week, and they practice in front of their peers repeatedly.  My kids want to memorize the piece a week or two before (if that far out), block it a little bit, and win.  There are times they can, but not at regional or state level.

    So, the question for parents is where the line is between demanding excellence from our kids and making them obsessive-compulsive.  Again, the key is to demand excellence, not perfection.  Okay, here’s an example:  You tell your child that you expect nothing lower than C’s from his/her on the semester transcript.  Bringing home D’s or F’s will have consequences, and you outline those consequences.  The first time your child makes an F on an assignment, you discuss the failure.  You point out that the consequences are only for the semester grades, and sometimes we have bad days within the semester.  You look at what was done wrong and make a plan to not let it happen again.  You also take them through an averaging of pretend grades, showing them how hard it is to recover from low F’s. 

     What ends up happening is that your child joins you on the quest for good grades.  Our kids do actually want to meet our expectations.  It’s only when meeting those has gone repeatedly unrecognized or when severe punishments have been given for mistakes along the way that a kid stops trying to please the parent.  Good students all over the world have a clear picture of what their parents expect and often have the same expectations of themselves even without a talk.  I guarantee the groundwork was laid before the child knew what was happening!  It’s never too late to start, though. 

     I would warn you, though:  you cannot demand excellence of your gifted teen if you do not demand excellence of yourself.  Your gifted teen is too smart to fall for that.  I sought out my mother’s knowledge of teaching to teach my students.  I saw her standards of excellence, and many times I bucked what my degree professors were saying in lieu of her methods.  I have never regretted that!  My commitment to excellence means that I pretty much work every day of the year, but the return on my investment is tremendous.  Yours will be, too!                                          - Michelle

    Excellence is the goal of Lawton Academy of Arts and Sciences.  One may ask, “Excellence in what?”  My answer to that is “Everything!”  Maybe that sounds unrealistic to most people, but I think it is a worthwhile goal.  The key to this is not to number how many areas of excellence we are seeking, but to set the standard that “Everything I do, I will seek to do to the best of my ability and certainly above the status quo.”  If that is my aim, I will never settle for things to “just remain the same.”

    I can’t think of one area of my life that is so great that nothing could be improved.  There is always room for improvement.  So, if each day I modeled one area of improvement in a consistent manner, others probably would join in.  We would get used to seeing the new standard set and practiced.  Once we have seen it modeled, it would become the new status quo.

    Michelle and I grew tired of students being taught math at a poor level of achievement.  We couldn’t believe how the textbook companies broke down math skills for students to achieve.  In reality, it gave the textbook publishers more books to sell and more profits to make for their companies.  However, if we taught a child to ride a bike in the same manner, it would take months for the child to learn the complete process.  So, we rewrote the curriculum into seven strands which we began to teach in complete concepts.  Then, we allowed students to work through the process at their individual paces.  After all,  learning is a continuous process. As we carried out this method of teaching, it became the path of excellence.  Our students saw higher math scores and achievement.  We surpassed other schools on national tests as well as state tests.  Now, no person in our school questions learning multiplication and division as early as second grade.  We made it a possibility by providing the methods and means…the student achievement made it a reality!  Now, we are known for excellence in math instruction.

    My aim this year has been to do the same with social studies.  All the time I was getting my degrees in education, I listened to professors complain about how we were trying to cram too much information into the social studies textbooks for kids to learn in a school year.  So, I am currently on a mission amalgamating geography, history, civics, and economics so that our students achieve excellence.  Just listening to interviews on public TV shows helps us to recognize how poorly most students were taught these important subjects in school.  Have I found the “magic bullet?”  I won’t know for a while.  We are making this a two-year course of study in fifth and sixth grades.  I can say that this first semester has produced an advance in map skill achievement.  However, it’s not hard to stand out in geography since a great many schools do not teach social studies skills, just as they have given up spelling and writing instruction!

    Excellence is a standard by which we measure administrators, teachers, students, staff, parents, and the community.  If we keep our aim high, and we do our part each day to reach one step closer to excellence, one day we might be able to say, “Mission accomplished!”     Kay

Excellence Counts! Part I

Excellence is something that is hard to measure in yourself but easy to recognize in others. As teachers, we are looking for excellence in the students with whom we work. It is easy to spot excellence because it differentiates people from those around them. When I look at the students at our school, I see excellence in performing arts and also academics, among other areas. We have talented artists, skilled performers, and very smart individuals that we work with every day.

The thing that is hard for me is to see how many of our students cannot see the excellence inside of them. We have so many students who suffer from negative self-talk and low self-esteem. This keeps them from understanding their own value. We have junior high students with a PSAT score that high school students would envy who truly believe that they are stupid. We have students who think no one will ever want to date them because of specific physical attributes they possess. There are many talented kids in our school who are afraid to put their work out there for fear or ridicule or persecution. When a child has the potential for excellence but a negative self-view gets in the way, he may never achieve his full excellence. 

This is not a problem that is unique to our school. All around the world, children are suffering from these same things. So, what can we do about it? One of the most important things that you can do is teach your child media competency. This means that you are arming your child with the necessary information and abilities to interact with the media that exists all around him. Our kids experience constant advertisements and promotional materials that are disguised as content. They are constantly faced with people who exhibit society’s beauty ideals and are forced to realize how they don’t stack up. Then they are subsequently advertised products and regimens that can make them meet that impossible standard. 

Similarly, our kids are being overexposed to “influencer culture.” They see online creators who made it big by pranking people or making funny videos. They see these people seemingly become rich by doing things that anyone can do. It gives them a skewed view of what it takes to be excellent in our society. Because they are so inundated with this kind of content, it’s hard for them to see what’s really going on. They don’t see the millions of people who try to become online content creators and never gain the traction of these few famous influencers. Because they don’t see that side of it, it gives them an idea that it is easy to make it big on Youtube or other streaming platforms. 

These are only two examples of how content can suppress your child’s view of his own excellence or skew his idea of how to achieve excellence. There are countless other ways this is occurring. The answer is not to block your child from all media usage. Parents have tried this and failed constantly. Your children are very good at finding ways around parental blocks, and if you haven’t heard of a “finsta,” or fake Instagram (a secondary account under a different name where your child posts the things that they don’t want you to see), you are falling behind and your child probably has one. You cannot keep up with them; if they want to find a way onto social media, they are going to do it. 

Instead, talk to your children openly about things they cannot understand online. It is proven by science that young children’s brains are not developed enough to recognize when they are being advertised to. Help them become media literate. Talk about society’s beauty standards and how there cannot be only one definition of beauty. Ask your child what he wants to be when he grows up. If his answer is a Youtuber or Tiktoker, unpack what that actually looks like with him. Your child is not going to be able to escape the media around him. Even without a phone, he can come to school and see it on other people’s phones. In a modern context, you as a parent have a new added responsibility to train your child in media literacy. If this scares you, start doing your research. Help your child become excellent by training him in this skill. 

-        Bria

    Excellence counts…and that is the reason for Lawton Academy to exist!  We expect our students to strive for excellence.  However, the question becomes, “Whose excellence are we using as a standard of measure?”  I can say as the founder of the school that we began with the standard labeled, “What Colleges and Universities Expect Students to Know,” when they apply for admission.  That was back in 1998.  Our standards have been reworked several times during the twenty-three years we’ve been in existence.  The majority of changes have been based upon the research findings from the international tests recognized by School Administrator Associations.

    Edna Hennessee was an extraordinary business woman who changed Lawton forever with her plans, developments, and love of community.  She expressed lessons learned in a little book called, “It Takes So Little to be Above Average.”  She was so right!  So many people are willing to sit by and watch life happen, while others are busy making  things happen!  Basically, that is what we want our students to be able to do: make things happen!

    I believe that God has a plan for every life; however,  a person must listen  and learn skills which will help him work out that plan.  As E. Stanley Jones taught, “If we do not have guidance, then it is probably withheld for one of two reasons: we are untrained, or we are unwilling.  Guidance doesn’t just happen.  It is a result of placing oneself in the way of being guided.  A radio doesn’t just happen to pick up messages; it is tuned in by deliberate intention, and then it receives.”

    Teaching young people to believe in their abilities is a large part of my mission at LAAS.  That is one reason we accept students who have learning disabilities along with their giftedness.  Nothing is more satisfying than helping a student realize his/her true potential!  I am able to speak from experience because my entire life path has been one miracle after another.  As God revealed His plan for my life, I have been able to help students rise above the crowd and become “Smarter than the average bear!”

    Again quoting E. Stanley Jones, we were created with great potential which is often lost in the business of life.  “God has three things in mind in reference to us: purpose, plan, and person.  God has a purpose to make you the best that you can be.  God has a plan that embodies that purpose.  God has a plan for every life…In the silence, you listen for the unfolding of that purpose and that plan.  You literally become the plan and purpose of God, an embodied thought of God, the word made flesh…A piece of wire disconnected is one thing, but a piece of wire attached to a dynamo and an engine is quite another thing.  Alone, you are one thing; attached to God’s purposes, you are quite another thing.”

    I believe that with God, nothing is impossible.  It doesn’t take a lot of people to accomplish things, just a small number who are determined and disciplined.  Someone said, “Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think, and the rest of the people would rather die than think.”  It is that five percent that changes situations.  Dr. Jones gave some excellent examples of the five percent:  “A handful of people made Germany Nazi and Italy Fascist.  In 1914, someone said that to find two Communists in Paris (the home of Communism) would be a wonder, to find four would be a miracle.  And yet in five years, the Communists had captured Russia and challenged the world.  Less than a hundred people produced both the Renaissance and the Reformation in Europe.  Dr. W. H,. Welch of Johns Hopkins, with a small disciplined group of young doctors around him, changed the medical life of America for decades.”

    As we are faced with a virus which has caused a major pandemic in today’s world, I read a sign which again energized my calling to help students accomplish excellence.  It read: “The Delta and Omnicron variant are no match for the Alpha and Omega!”  

-        Kay

     Excellence is not a foreign concept to gifted children.  They love to excel.  They love to be seen as excellent.  The desire is so strong in most gifted that sometimes they will almost kill themselves trying to be the most excellent.  That is, of course, if they haven’t already decided someone else is the most excellent, at which point, they often won’t even try.  What a tiring way to live!

     As the parent of a gifted child, it is extremely important that you teach your child the “achievement” is the goal, not “overachievement.”  This is an even more important lesson for your teen.  You will save your teen many hours of overdoing projects, overplanning events, and overstressing about homework. 

     In my beginning years of teaching, I was such an overachiever.  I organized district-wide bike rides, wrote and produced dinner theaters with my sixth graders, and made almost all of my lessons from scratch.  It wasn’t until I had an at-risk pregnancy with my daughter that I backed off a bit.  To my surprise, I received just as much praise as I had when I was working full-tilt.  I learned then and there that it takes very little to be impressive nowadays!  I’m desperately trying to teach my kids this lesson.

    I remember assigning my eighth graders one year to make some models of items from Shakespeare’s time.  Three of my boys chose to build a model of the Globe, the theater at which Shakespeare’s plays were performed.  Two of the boys built the round theater with Legos.  You can guess the obvious issues with that!  The third boy went to Hobby Lobby and bought a wooden drum.  He used popsicle sticks and balsam wood to build an extremely accurate model of the Globe.  It was so good, I asked if I could keep it to teach kids with, and he agreed.  All received A’s.  The difference was that the Lego model was what I expected of kids that age.  The fact that his mother had bought items closer to what it actually looked like was not part of the grading rubric.  She spent all of that money, and he earned only nine more points than the other boys.

   It is important that you, as parents, teach your child to only do what is expected.  Think about how it works in adult life.  When the IRS requires you to file tax returns in April, do they give extra points for neatness or embellishments?  No, they want it just as they asked for it.  Nothing extra.  When you take your car in for an oil change, do you appreciate the full inspection and subsequent list of items that could use replacement?  This could be seen as excellent service or an attempt to make more money while you are there.

   We have got to teach our kids that achievement = excellence.  His/Her employer wants achievement.  Achievement at a sales job means excellent sales.  Achievement in an advertising agency means acquired clients.  Over achievement in the first scenario would be calling wealthy people personally to try to sell your product, and in the second, throwing giant personal parties for potential clients.  Neither of these are required to attain or keep clients.  Excellent products and excellent advertisements are what are required.  In other words, excellence is doing the actual job and doing it well.  So, today, begin encouraging your child to be an achiever.  Excellence will come with the achievement.

-        Michelle

Common Sense Counts!

Common sense is defined as “good sense and sound judgement in practical matters.”  Yes, please.  I’m in.  I believe it was Forrest Gump who famously said, “Mama always said, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’”  My definition for “stupid” has always been “one who repeats the same mistakes.”  Common sense is what we’re supposed to gain when we go through an experience.  We are supposed to decide afterwards whether we will do it that way again or alter our approach a bit.  To have an experience go badly and not alter our methods is, by Gump’s definition, stupid.  Yet, I see people make the same mistakes over and over and over.  Heck, I make some of the same mistakes over and over and over.  How do we correct this human foible so that we may gain common sense?

The first step, I think, is to truly desire a better outcome.  If we want to pass a test, and we know that we must study to pass it, we have to actually study.  We cannot fail to study and still expect the to pass the test.  I contend that people who know they should study, don’t study, and then profess that they do not know why they cannot pass the test, don’t actually want to pass the test.  It is unimportant in the grand scheme of things, or they do not find value in the subject, or maybe they just don’t care.  But passing is not really the goal.  The goal is finding the excuse Mom buys.

My own example:  if I really wanted to lose weight, I’d stop eating when I’m full, I’d quit buying things that are bad for me, and I’d exercise regularly.  The fact that I don’t do any of those things shows that I am not really serious about losing weight yet. 

Okay, so how does this apply to my gifted child?  Your gifted child is a natural debater.  He can make you believe that he really wants to accomplish whatever it is you find important without ever making the effort to actually do so.  I see this repeatedly.  If I had a dime for every parent who thinks that his child just “doesn’t test well,” when in actuality, his child has never taken a note TO study, I’d have ten or eleven bucks by now!

So, we have to address the common sense your child seeks.  You and I would think a failing grade would be impetus to study more.  Au contraire.  Your child’s goal is for you not to punish him for doing poorly on the test.  The common sense he learns is from the excuses he tries.  Mom bought my story about feeling ill and not doing well on the test because of it last time.  But, that won’t work again.  I have to make a new reason.

And in this manner, your child learns what excuses succeed and what excuses fail.  He does not, however, learn that he doesn’t need an excuse if he’ll just study and pass the test!  Why doesn’t he learn this simple piece of common sense?!  We can see it so clearly.  Why can’t he?  Because we can see the need for the information, and he cannot.  He sees a series of simple choices:  study or continue my video game?  Study or chat online with  friends?  Study or slee…zzzzzz.  You get my drift. 

The next morning he awakes, woefully unprepared.  Time that could be spent reasoning out answers is instead spent working out what will be the best way to play this off as not his fault. 

Now, I will tell you that this is the story of your very gifted child.  If your child is like me – on the lower end of giftedness – the drive to pass the test will come from within.  We on the lower end usually have a sibling who just knows everything, and we are on a quest to prove that we, too, are intelligent.  When we do fail, we analyze the fire out of what went wrong, and we vow never to let it happen again.  We don’t, however, let up on ourselves, and thereby show a lack of common sense, as well. 

It is your job, Parents, and my job as a teacher to help gifted kids recognize their own misinterpretations about achievement.  For the highly gifted, we need to call them on their excuses.  There should be a required grade and an automatic loss when that grade is not achieved.  I wouldn’t make it an A.  I would say that C’s and below are not acceptable.  The child doesn’t have to worry about making an excuse because no excuse will keep the punishment from happening (within reason, of course).  For the overachiever, it is our job to help them learn that perfection is not required or even desired.  We have to show them that achievement doesn’t have to come at the cost of personal health and well-being.   Once we have fixed the focus of their efforts, we should see common sense grow as the child learns how to navigate tests well. 

There’s one last area I would like to address regarding common sense.  The only way to gain it is through experiences.  I see way too many parents not allowing their children to have enough experiences.  Those whose parents tell them they cannot date, sneak it at school.  Those whose parents don’t let them hang out with friends end up not knowing how to balance friend time and study time once they get to college.  It is so very important that you allow your child to have a wide range of experiences.  Be a part of those experiences while you can still be the voice of advice.  Once they get to college, yours will not be the advice they seek.  Give your child enough experiences, and I guarantee he will gain common sense!

-       Michelle

Common sense is a difficult topic because it is so subjective. Who decides what is common sense? There are so many different experiences and backgrounds and ways to grow up that it is impossible to truly have “common” sense. Furthermore, it’s very difficult to teach common sense because it does mean something else to each individual person. However, I do believe that we can teach what most people actually mean when they reference common sense.

Traditionally, common sense refers to things everyone should know. This would be things like America’s first President, or the value of coin money. It is supposed to be the things that those around you should know already. This is not the way in which most people refer to common sense. When they say that someone has no common sense, they don’t mean that that person isn’t aware of WWII. They generally mean that that person has done something dumb, and they should have known better and avoided that action.  

When many people talk about a lack of common sense, what they are really missing is social awareness. Think about the last time you thought that someone else lacked common sense. Likely the situation revolves around them saying something they shouldn’t have said or doing something they shouldn’t have done. It could also be that they didn’t say or do something that you think they should have. For those of us who were raised to help out, it is typical that when we are at someone else’s house for dinner, we offer to help in preparation or at the least with the cleanup. In a situation in which there are several guests present and the host is visibility overwhelmed, those people failing to pitch in or offer help could be perceived as having a lack of common sense. What is really going on is that those people lack social awareness. They are too busy worrying about themselves that they don’t even see that the host might need help.

Social awareness is really important because when someone acts without it, he can leave a bad taste in someone else’s mouth without even knowing it. In the workplace, young employees can struggle with this the most. Because they have never worked in an office setting, they can end up doing things that older employees would consider social faux pas. Typically, these actions are dealt with in one of three ways: a kind co-worker pulls you aside and talks to you, a rude coworker or superior scolds the behavior, or no one addresses it but it contributes poorly to your reputation. Unfortunately for most, the “kind co-worker” scenario is kind of rare and the other two solutions happen much more frequently. 

Too many of these social faux pas can get in the way of promotions and opportunities. So how do we help prevent these situations? The answer is gentle correction in adolescence. No one is born knowing exactly how to navigate the world around him. There will be lots of mistakes that are made. As parents and teachers, there is a careful balance in correcting and overcorrecting. The biggest mistake that adults make when correcting children is that they make the child feel small or unintelligent for making the mistake. If you establish a relationship with your child in which you can give him helpful feedback in a way that is encouraging and meant to be helpful, you can continue to correct things without harming their self-esteem. This is a great balance. Finding this balance with your child will help him be more successful in his future. 

                                                                                          Bria

Common sense counts… but evidently it is becoming a scarcity in today’s society.  Just today, one of our friends commented that he purchased a new chain saw.  His surprise was that a large warning sign was attached to it which said, “Do NOT place hand on chain while it is in motion.”  We’ve all seen these signs and just can’t believe they are really necessary! Yet, I have many of those students who see a “wet paint – don’t touch” sign, and then proceed to touch it to see if it is true!

    My observation is that we are finding people experiencing life in small “tidbits”  rather than a continuous progress.  Each experience seems to be segmented into a stand-alone moment.  Perhaps this is caused because people have to return to a browser between each new adventure so it can lead the way for them.  My husband and I have noted that students are even writing in these tidbits which closely resemble the standard advertisements on TV today.

    As I work with my students in class, I point out to them that the missing element in many of today’s schools is the lack of classes in which “thinking” is actually taught!  All the information in the world cannot achieve one thing if it can’t be applied to life.  Just memorizing or reading something is not learning.  As the sages of old have said, “experience is the best teacher.”  That brings to my mind something I learned during my Master’s Degree curriculum: the medium is not the message!

    I’ve been a proponent for years of the idea of “personalizing learning” in the classroom.  My math students chart their daily work and tests and pre-tests so that they can discern what kind of progress they are making.  I have no trouble getting their interest in these figures.  I think if more math time was spent helping students to verify how many student athletes are drafted into the professional leagues each year, we wouldn’t have so many students blind-sided when it comes to applying for college scholarships.

    I have made special time in our curriculum for young children to be exposed to folk tales and fairytales which their parents and grandparents knew.  This gives a “common” knowledge to them so conversations across generations can provide pleasant and meaningful moments between them.  One of the most poignant readings I’ve ever read was a statement in the book, “Many Winters.”  I don’t have the book with me at this time, so I will paraphrase the story.  The old gentleman was asking his grandchild, “Remember when the earth was not so crowded, the land was beautiful and teeming with wildlife, and we enjoyed the out of doors instead of sitting and watching the TV?”  The young child turned and said, ”NO!”  How sad to see this great gulf between these two generations.  Yet, is that not also what is happening to our society today? 

    At seventy-seven years, with over fifty years of teaching experience, I continue to make it a practice to paint word pictures for my students of “days gone by” and “common experiences” which can bind them to their parents and grandparents in “common sense” adventures and experiences. 

                                                                           Kay