A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

     This week we have been talking to the kids about the many “picture” synopses we give in our lives. The visual impression a person makes when he enters a room, the intellectual impression from a homework assignment, and the story a transcript tells are all examples. We have encouraged the kids to consider what they want those 1000 words to be.

     We parents think about the “picture” our children are presenting all the time. It’s a main part of our job to make sure they are representing well. How much thought do we put into the picture we are presenting to them? If the normal person sees a thousand words, I can guarantee your gifted kid sees beyond the words to the inferences, the implications, and even the possible future uses!! My teachers and I get to hear our words and actions thrown back at us constantly because we’re surrounded by gifted kids. If one is not used to it, it can be very infuriating. 

    Many parents seek to hide fallacies from their children, but I would encourage you to not do this with gifted kids.  They need to know that you sometimes fail, and they need to see you rise above it.  Showing them a picture of recovery is incredibly important to getting then to try new activities.  If your “picture” is perfection, they will shy away from new activities because of the potential to fail and thereby disappoint you.

    In our weekly video on this leadership lesson, I told the kids that great painters throughout history have painted picture over picture over picture.  Canvases may have as many as fifteen other paintings started below the final piece.  In this same way, if our “picture” does not present a thousand good words, we can “paint” over it.  This translates to asking for forgiveness when we’ve presented a picture of intolerance or a second chance when we’ve really messed up.  Your child will not know how to do that unless he and she has watched you do it.  So, don’t hesitate to let your children see many of the “pictures” you present to the world.  They will fear failure less if they know that perfection is not the expectation.

-       Michelle     

Everyone has heard the phrase, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Many people use this idiom to say that it is easier to show something in a picture than it is to describe it with words. While this is definitely true, I believe there is another way to interpret this phrase in that the pictures we are presenting to the world can communicate a thousand words. As in all uses of communication, it is best for us to be in control of what we are communicating about ourselves. So how do we manage what the “pictures” in our life communicate about us?

Picture this: your boss comes into work with messy hair, bags under his eyes, an extra large cup of coffee, and a stack of papers two feet high. How do you interpret that image? Most people would look at that image and say that person is stressed and tired and we should do things to make his life easier rather than harder today. Even though your boss looks rough, you would likely interpret this as a bad day rather than a sloppy person. Similarly, when you go on a first date and it is clear that your date dressed up, planned a nice restaurant, and took an extra step like getting a haircut, you will interpret that that person cares a lot about the success of this date and is interested in you. 

Both of the examples I used above had easy to read pictures with clear correct answers for how people would perceive the images. This concept gets messy when there is more gray area in the images you put out. A great example from a teacher perspective is how students present themselves when they are tired. Oftentimes, older students who are experiencing exhaustion can display images of boredom, depression, sloppiness, or anger. When a student comes in with a hood up over his head and a general disinterest in being around other people, it is hard to tell if he is tired, angry, or many other emotions that could fit that behavior. While some people might understand that this person is tired, others might believe that the person is being disrespectful or might be angry with him. There are a lot of similar situations that occur every day. Most non-confrontational people will never bring up if they feel that the person is being disrespectful, and that perception will never be corrected, but it will shape how people think about the person in question.

This same thought can be applied to all of the images we portray of ourselves. Whether it is more of a snapshot of a moment in our life, or an actual image we share online, people are hearing a thousand words. Sometimes their interpretation is spot on, and other times it is very inaccurate. We cannot fix what people think about us in their heads, but we can do more to control the images we put out into the world. When we are putting out positive, strong, responsible images, there is less chance for misinterpretation. Think about what your image says about you. If you look at yourself, and you don’t think what you want others to think about you, you should take the time to fix it. You are completely in control of how you portray yourself to the world. Make sure the image they see is a good one.

-       Bria

Focus

    “Focus” is the leadership topic for this week…something I have been doing to the max during this achievement testing period in our school.  My attention has been focused upon several things in particular.  We have updated our ITBS testing to a new edition which brought the norms up to the 2017 level.  The tests we have owned and used for years have been based upon the norms of 2005.

    I was a little nervous about this change, especially since we had such a strange year with the Covid Pandemic making virtual learning necessary from March through May.  However, as I am digesting all the information we are gaining about our students and their learning this past year, I am feeling very good.  Students who were in attendance in our school last year (yes, this includes the virtual period) not only didn’t lose ground…they are scoring very high compared to the national norms.  This is exciting to me!

    I have always focused upon the learner and the curriculum.  Our corporation is based upon matching learning objectives to our learners’ needs. It appears that our staff has carried out this mission faithfully.  What has amazed me is that these updated norms show just how advanced our teaching methods and objectives are compared to the majority of schools.  Perhaps that is a good reason for schools to hire and/or keep older teachers…for we might bridge the gap between learning objectives in place when the United States was #1 among nations of the world in education rather than the very low standing we find ourselves in today.

    I laugh and say that I want to be sure our students are as smart as their grandparents were when they were in school.  So, I keep my focus upon those objectives which are universal and necessary regardless of changes in our society.  We focus upon the processes of thinking, application of skills, and synthesizing information and creating new products.  

    Yes, we must deal with our students’ focusing issues daily in our classes.  All of our teachers work hard to help increase the attention span of our students.  Probably the biggest challenge we have is convincing our students that it is necessary to take notes, to memorize and remember important facts for immediate reference.  The majority of today’s young people believe that they will always have the internet close at hand to answer any question they may have.  This just isn’t true to life.  

    The exposure to slick media productions has removed our youth from viewing mistakes or mishaps happening right before their eyes.  I remember many live TV productions I viewed as a child in which it was common to see and hear bloopers…and to watch how the persons involved got themselves out of the mistakes.  Today’s children do not understand dealing with such situations.  Everything they see is perfectly edited and remarkable!  It is for these reasons we require all of our students to get out of their comfort zones and to try new tasks and challenges.  Improvisations at the secondary level also teach them to think on their feet!

    As I continue to focus upon the report I am preparing about how we have achieved during this pandemic year, I am pleased with the preliminary results we are seeing.  It confirms what we believe: continuous progress learning works!       Kay

I love talking about focus because I believe that it is in the top three most important life skills for people to master. If you are anything like me, you have days where you are not feeling focused and days where you feel very focused. On those really focused days I feel unstoppable. I can accomplish twice as much as I do on a non-focused day. If you have experienced this, you probably find yourself chasing that feeling of being incredibly focused, because it feels good to get things done efficiently. 

So how do we get more focused in our day to day lives? It’s great when a focus day comes along and we can do everything we planned to do in a day in three hours, but wouldn’t it be better to spread this out and be better on most days? Well the good news is that focus is something that can very much be learned and trained. We have talked about some leadership skills that are innate and can be taught over time, but most people are born with those inclinations. While some people might be born with a greater capacity for focusing than others, focusing is a skill that you can fully develop even if you start at the lowest point of that ability. 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, guided meditation is so important for finding focus. Some people are immediately turned off to the idea of meditation because of stigmas surrounding the practice. Some might believe that it is spiritual or promoting a belief system that contradicts their own. While this type of meditation exists in the world, the large majority of meditation shared in a modern context is non-religious/non-spiritual. Another thing that keeps people from trying meditation is the idea that it is too “hippie-dippy,” “new age,” or just plain silly. Meditation gets a reputation for being very verbally flowery, but the best guided meditations discuss the science of your brain and why it easily gets distracted. Lastly, people are uncomfortable with the idea of meditating in a group of people, especially strangers. Gone are the days of going to a class at the library or your public gym to meditate in a group of people you do not know and to inevitably hear someone in the back snoring. Nowadays apps like Headspace and Calm provide inexpensive subscriptions to countless guided meditations that you can do anywhere you can bring your phone. 

I personally use Headspace. What I appreciate is that it categorizes goals of the meditation practice in different multi-day courses. Topics like “finding focus,” “managing anxiety,” and “dealing with distractions” equip you with the ability to strengthen your focus and cut back on what is distracting you. Focus is just like a muscle, you need to continually use it and strengthen it to improve it. Setting aside 5-10 minutes a day to work on your focus is just like setting aside time at the gym to work on your physical fitness. SImilarly, over time you will begin to notice that exercises are getting easier. You can put yourself more quickly into a state of focus. 

If you have never tried working on your focus, try this simple practice today. Put a timer on for 6 minutes. Go somewhere quiet and sit or lay down. Close your eyes and use the time to focus on different parts of your body. Start with the top of your head and move down. As you get to each new part of your body take a second to realize how that part is feeling. Is it comfortable? Is there any pain there? Go throughout your whole body and if the timer isn’t done yet then pick one thing you want to accomplish that day and really think about it. Everytime your mind starts to wander from the topic, recognize that feeling and go back to planning. The practice of acknowledging distractions and resetting can help strengthen your focus in the long run. Eventually you will find yourself with less distractions as you strengthen the awareness and correction of these distractions. Just like the gym, results won’t happen overnight. But with a little dedication, you can easily improve and sharpen your focus, great benefitting other areas of your life.                                                   - Bria

    Ask any teacher who has been back to live teaching in the classroom how quarantining has affected student focus, and you are going to hear a groan.  The kids have come back from their four or five-month mandatory lockdown talking louder and much more.  They talk to their games, the computer, their shows, and anyone within ten feet.  I have a theory that they were ignored a lot because Mom and Dad were trying to work from home and couldn’t have the interruptions.  This didn’t deter them from trying to get their parents’ attention; they just went into the autodrive: “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom…”

   They have continued this chaotic, chatter-filled existence in their classrooms.  The only difference is that we are paid to pay attention to them.  Even so, they continue the incessant talking and sound effects.  It is very hard to get the kids to settle down and focus on the lesson at hand. 

    I know there are those who believe that these kids are no different than all the other kids their age who have trouble focusing, but I’m telling you that it is different.  I’ll give you an example.  Our fourth graders had been working on knowing their state capitals for geography class for eight weeks.  They’d played games and raced writing in answers on maps.  By all opinions, they should have been ready to pass a test at this basic recall level at any point after the third week.  Yet, when given the task of naming the capitals of each state eight weeks after their introduction and all of the practicing, only eight of the twenty-three could score enough correct to receive an A.  This was knowledge-level information!

  Those same kids had a full school year to memorize their lines for our musical.  Six days before the performance, we were only able to get through nine pages of practice due to me having to prompt almost every line.  I told them that on Monday, every time they could not pick up the line from a first three words-prompt, I was taking their recess for a day so that they could stay in and write their lines.  Over the weekend, they focused, and we covered 25 pages that Monday in the same amount of time we had covered nine.

  Now, one could argue that this is a case of procrastination, and I can see that line of reasoning.  The kids, though, griped of not being able to hold themselves to the task of memorizing.  It wasn’t till a threat was issued that they began to get serious about limiting distractions.

  Twenty-one Pilots (a singing group) has a song in which the singer laments about his car radio being stolen, and now he has to listen to the thoughts in his head… and he doesn’t like it.  My own teen students echo this sentiment.  Could there be a connection? Could the reason the kids like constant media feeds and constant noise be because they are too afraid to be left alone with their thoughts.  We do know that many teens are habitually self-demeaning, and this seems to stem from what they read about themselves from others on the Internet.  Could the fact that we are also telling them “Not now, honey” and buying them tablets and gaming systems to keep them occupied and out of our hair be reinforcing the idea that their thoughts are not worth hearing?   

    In a world competing at every turn for our attention, we have got to learn to unplug and give our full focus to the people who matter to us.  No, not all day.  Just pick a time.  “Honey, I’m going to finish up this project.  I will don’t at 6:00, and dinner isn’t until 6:30.  Let’s you and I sit down and you can tell me all about this project of yours.”  Most kids I know reason that they better make it good.  They will focus on getting as much in as possible in the allotted twenty-five minutes. 

   If you find your child has becoming much more “annoying” (for lack of a better word) since the pandemic, take it as a sign.  Your child is feeling like he is not a focus.  Pinpoint some time and see if junior doesn’t start scheduling focus times with you!

-          Michelle

Being SNIOPed

     Okay, I must admit that, while I did find this acronym in Ziglar’s book, it was not used as a verb.  I think that’s a trend that grew more after his book’s publishing.  SNIOP stands for Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People.  So, to be SNIOPed is to allow yourself to be in a position to be susceptible to the negative influence.

     We all know those who can really drain us with their negativity.  I personally feel that our kids have a multitude of negative influencers thanks to the Internet.  It can be very hard to escape negativity.  So, it follows that we teachers and parents have the responsibility of teaching our kids how not to be susceptible to their negative influences.   How do we do this?  We need to be a voice to which our children will listen.  Becoming that voice begins early.  When my son reached sixth grade, I began taking him to Sonic for a treat.  It was just the two of us.  As we sat in the car and waited for our dessert, we would talk about anything and everything.  Pretty soon, when my son had a problem about which he needed to talk, he would ask if I wanted to go to Sonic.  It became our unwritten arrangement for having a serious discussion.  Now, I’ll not lead you to believe that he and I agree on everything, but I will tell you that we can talk about anything. 

   My daughter and I have always shared.  What I was not equipped naturally to do was to not solve problems for her.  She was a junior before she finally got me to understand that sometimes she just needs to vent and for me to listen.  That was a very freeing day for both of us!

   If you establish a dialogue with your children, you can be a positive voice in their ears.  That’s all we can really do to combat the enormous amount of negativity in the world.  Oh, there is one other thing we can do:  we have to not be SNIOPed either!

                           Michelle

Think about the people you have met who you are compelled to spend more time with. There are typically a lot of small factors that attract you to a particular person. In general, I believe it could be said that a big part of what draws us to certain people is their attitude. When you are around a positive person that energy is contagious. The same can be said about the demeanor of anyone with whom we spend a significant amount of time. 

In an ideal world, we would constantly be surrounded by positive people who make us feel good about ourselves. In a more realistic setting, we encounter a handful of these people throughout our lives while the vast majority is either neutral or negative. Think about the most negative person you know. How do you feel after spending time with that person? For me, I would say mostly I feel drained. Where the super positive people in my life give me energy and joy, the super negative people leave me feeling tired and tense. 

What I don’t want to do with this piece is promote toxic positivity. If you are not familiar, toxic positivity is a belief that one should always remain positive even in the most dire of situations. There are times when the people around us are going to be going through something or having a bad day. I don’t want us to turn our backs on the people around us when they are hurting. We cannot simply live in a positive, happy bubble and isolate ourselves from the pain and hardships. What we can do though is manage how other people’s negativity affects us. 

The problem with negativity comes when it is habitual and constant. We as humans will all experience periods of sadness and pain, some more than others. But for many, negativity can become routine and habitual. That is when it becomes very problematic. It is easier for many people to be negative rather than positive, and that negativity can easily spread from person to person. Negative groupthink is validating to many people because it makes them feel included in something. This is a big problem amongst teenagers. They are already inclined to have negative thoughts as they are going through a lot of changes and starting to feel oppressed by the authorities in their life. Teenage years are also a time where kids can experience isolation. Oftentimes, kids who aren’t inherently negative will join in on negativity as a way to fit in. The problem with this is your brain stops distinguishing acting from reality and you can easily become a habitually negative thinker without intending to be one. 

It is hard, especially as an adolescent, to break apart from the crowd. There is a fear of being othered that suppresses opposing views. If you do not have the confidence to set yourself aside from the negativity, you must at the very least learn how to keep others’ negativity from impacting you. A good first step is to not add on to their negative comments. If your friend is complaining about something, you can listen and support them without escalating that complaint. For example, if your coworker is complaining about your boss, it is better to respond with statements like, “I’m sorry you are experiencing that,” then, “you’re right he’s an idiot, I bet you could do his job better than he can.” The former statement shows support and understanding, while the latter statement escalates a situation and could lead your coworker into an emotional spiral. 

Another way to combat negativity from others is to balance the negative and positive people you keep close to you. When you have more face time with a positive person, it can allow you to be more easygoing with your more negative friends and not escalate emotional responses. Another strategy is to change the subject. When your negative friend starts going down a rough path in the conversation, try talking about something you know they enjoy. The more time spent talking about negative ideas, the easier it is to fall into a pattern of negative talk. Lastly, check in on yourself and how you are communicating with others. Make sure you are not one of the negative people in someone else’s life. If you determine that you are, take some steps to work on that. You can start your day with simple gratitude exercises that will help start you out on a positive note. You can also practice recognizing when you are speaking negatively in a conversation and try redirecting yourself. Being able to be generally positive in your communication is a really important life skill. It is never too early to start practicing positivity.

-          Bria

I like this acronym, SNIOP, and I think it can be easily detected and identified by almost anyone.  (Being Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People). I plan to use this new word as I teach my students about overcoming negative influences in our lives.  I don’t know why I haven’t used it before or even thought about it until Michelle brought it to our attention this week.

    When the Oklahoma State Department of Education selected me as a member of a team to be part of an eleven-state consortium for Arts for the Gifted and Talented in California, I had the wonderful and exciting opportunity to be introduced to some of the leading researchers in the new “brain research” just starting to hit the media.  Some of the experiments demonstrated at that time confirmed (at least to me) how strong a force negative thinking can be.  

    My husband received his clinical hypnosis training previous to my appointment to this consortium, and I was already aware of the potential of the human mind through his work.  It astounded me that as educators we had ignored much of this information.  In fact, the very beginning of our corporation (A.B.R.A.I.N. Applied Brain Research Alters Instructional Needs) grew out of this experience.

    Now, some thirty years later, I am able to track the positive gains made by doing exactly what the research was telling us long ago.  Students who have benefitted from this research and its application to our teaching methods are many.  Of course, I like to share and talk about the positive aspects rather than the “negative” sides of using such research information.  However, I am well aware of the strength of negativity in any setting.  I gave up the notion I had been taught as a youngster: “One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch,” long ago.  

    Many times, I tried hard to help a student who was having a negative influence upon the class, only to find that the ultimate solution was to remove that student completely.  It is a hard decision which causes much restlessness, sleepless nights, and feelings of failure and frustration.  However, for the greater good, I have had to make such a decision more than once.  Each time, the results were wonderful for the class as a whole…but not always so good for the “bad apple” being removed.  In fact, one such former student had his life ended by being shot to death by the law enforcement-officers years later.

    People who know me, know I take my calling to teach very seriously.  I often ruffle some feathers when I won’t give in to negative influences in our school.  However, if I am to stand for our principles, or if I am to live my life as Jesus taught, I will not please everyone.  So, it has been our standard statement (Mr. Johnson and I) that “we do discriminate against ONE thing only in our school…that is a BAD ATTITUDE…either on the part of the student or the parent.”

We are willing to teach and help anyone who enrolls in our school with a “can do attitude” and who is willing to work with us to help themselves to a good education!

    One of the secrets to having a good attitude is to not let your life be susceptible to the negative influences of other people which is so prevalent on the internet!  Little did my generation foresee what a colossal influence this communication technology was going to have on our young people and all generations to come. Thus, I spend a lot of time praying for our youth and our nation as well as our world.  Prayer is the positive influence I continue to use in battling these outside influences…while helping students to believe in themselves and the great possibilities they have been given with this wonderful thing called the “human brain!”   

-           Kay