Attitude: Action vs. Reaction

Attitude is to life as the atom is to matter.  All matter consists of atoms…differing only in number, arrangement and behavior.  In the same way, a successful life is more attitude than it is aptitude.  Enthusiasm is more persuasive than the most eloquent man without it.  Someone once said, “Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important!”

     Most people are classified as either optimistic or pessimistic, but I think it really is a matter of the amount of cheerfulness or enthusiasm that is present in their lives.  I have worked for both kinds of administrators…and I can say from experience, I worked harder for the enthusiastic leader.  My actions related to the harsher and more critical administrator were basically the “meet the letter of the law” type which basically kept me out of trouble.  I did a good job, but I was not inspired to do a “great work” nor was I able to believe something inspirational would be able to come out of that work.  The caring, happy, enthusiastic administrator brought out of me my creativity, my loyalty, and cooperation and saw my first success at creating and selling my first educational teaching game.  I found true joy in lending my abilities to his desire for excellence in education, and together, we found success.

    “The greatest discovery is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”  “Faith and initiative rightly combined remove mountainous barriers and achieve the unheard of and miraculous.”  Yet, too often we spend almost 90% of our educational days teaching facts and figures, and hardly 10% teaching about attitudes and the choices we make in life.  Yes, more people have pointed out that the affective parts of education are important, but it still remains in the shadows of classroom practice.  A study by Harvard University revealed that 85% of the reasons for success, accomplishments, promotions, etc. were because of our attitudes and only 15% because of our technical expertise (facts).

    It is information such as this that inspired Zig Zigler to develop the “See You At The Top” program for schools.  In 1972, the Surgeon General of the United States, after a two-year study, declared that evidence showed a definite causal relationship between televised violence and antisocial behavior.  Let me now quote what Zig Zigler wrote about the studies of Dr. Albert Bendura of Stanford and Dr. Leonard Berkowitz of the University of Wisconsin which “produced studies which show that people who see violence portrayed will behave nearly twice as violently as people who have not seen it.  Presentations of violence can cause anyone to become more aggressive.  Children, being more suggestible, are even more vulnerable.  According to Dr. Berkowitz, “It’s pretty certain that people who watch sex movies are going to be sexually active afterward.”  Since the average American youngster spends approximately 15,000 hours watching TV by the time he graduates from high schools, what he views will definitely affect his thoughts and, hence, his actions.”  

    I have seen the validity of these findings play out during my fifty plus years of teaching.  At the time these facts were written, we did not have the availability of the internet.  So, I have been shocked to see the increase in violent thinking and aggressive actions of young people.   I have chosen to teach my students that to reach the top and to be successful, one must be deliberate in climbing the steps to success. I close this blog with some wisdom about achieving success by adjusting our mental attitudes.  My old friend, Dr. Orbra Hulsey listed these seventeen secrets to success:

    Keep your temper to yourself.  Give your enthusiasm to everybody.  Be yourself, forget yourself, become genuinely interested in the other guy.  Be fair, honest, friendly – and you’ll be admired and liked.  Make other people feel important.   Count your assets and stamp out self-pity.   Meet the other person at his / her own level.   Put your smile power to work.   Keep moving.   Keep trying.   Give the gift of heart.   Get off to a good start in anything you do.   Forgive yourself if you fail.   Be lavish with kindness.   Overwhelm people with your charm, not your power.   Keep promises.   Be optimistic.

    And last of all, remember that of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.    

- Kay

    Today’s topic is probably one of the most important pieces of knowledge we can teach our gifted children.  We can ask them to have a good attitude, but they don’t necessarily know how to do that, especially older gifted who are prone to depression, or at least sadness.  But when we teach kids to prepare for situations, they learn how not to have reactions that can be embarrassing.  And anyone who has dealt with the reaction of a gifted kid knows it can be pretty darn embarrassing!

    The way to teach a child to act rather than react is to have him make action plans for several situations. 

To the four-year-old:  Okay, we’re going to go into the convenience store to get some milk for breakfast tomorrow.  We are not going to get candy because it is almost bedtime.  We are not going to get a soda either for the same reason.  I will buy one item for you to put into your lunch for school tomorrow.  You have three minutes to pick an item, and then I am picking for you. If you do not complete this as I’ve asked, you will go straight to bed when we get home.  (The child now knows the action to take place and the consequence if not done.)

To the preteen: Sure, you may dress yourself.  If I, however, receive word from the school that you have worn something inappropriate, you will be on restriction at home for two weeks.  These are my guidelines and the school’s policies on clothing.

To the teen:  I understand that you have been interacting with others all day long at school and are talked out by the time you get home.  I am not asking for an evening of conversation.  I would like you to add one hour to your “on” time before shutting yourself off to the physical world and retreating to your room.  I would like you to help with dinner prep, converse at the table, and help clean up.  Then you may enter your digital world.  (Notice that there is no consequence for the teen.  Your gifted teen is old enough to understand the reason for the request, and you have not negated an activity… just postponed it.)  

     We have to do the same with our actions and reactions.  Very gifted kids will buck rules.  It’s a given.  Parents need to anticipate what the child might do and define an action.  It’s helpful if you do this prior to the action actually happening.  For instance, when your gifted teen gains the ability to drive, he will most likely break a few of your rules because he doesn’t think you’ll know.  So, you display a set of actions and the consequences they will receive should he be caught.  Then you are not surprised a pushed into a reaction, and the choice to have those consequences was his, not yours. 

    It is impossible to anticipate all of the possible actions of a gifted child, though.  Believe me, I’ve been teaching them a long time, and I am constantly surprised at the depths of their creativity when it comes to doing things they shouldn’t!  Often I react.  The kids and I call it “clearing a space and pitching a fit.”  I, however, have completed an action and repeatedly drawn attention to that action throughout the school year:  I tell the kids that, when I get upset, it’s at what they’ve done.  I’m not unhappy with them; I’m happy with their choices.  I will punish the choice, but I still like the person.  This goes a long way.

   Okay, so you’ve done the work of making an action plan with your gifted child, complete with consequences that matter (and they must matter to the child).  Your child understands and acknowledges the action and the consequences for noncompliance.  Then you enter the establishment, and he throws a loud, attention-drawing fit.  This is important:  A repeated, noncompliant reaction is really just the action your child has decided upon.  A reaction comes because the action was not planned.  The first time you walked into a toy store with your child and without the intent to buy him something might illicit a strong reaction.  But it should not once you have made an action plan.

We’re going into the toy store to buy a gift for your friend’s birthday.  It is not your birthday, so we’re not getting you something.  If you throw a fit for me to buy you something, we will put your friend’s gift choice back on the shelf, and you will not go to the party.  Understand?

    If the child still throws a fit, it is important to know as a parent that you are being manipulated by a gifted child.  He is betting that he can cause you enough discomfort to just give in to his demands.  Giving in will ruin that child.  I promise you.  I have dealt with so many kids whose parents have done this.  The child is smart and has leadership potential.  I cannot, however, put him in leadership because he uses the same strategies he’s learned for getting what he wants to lead.  The group will not follow someone who always works it out to get his own way.

    Parenting gifted is far from easy, but it can be easier if we set the consequences for bad actions and choices ahead of time – in a broad enough manner to cover a multitude of potential infractions.  The more we anticipate their actions, the less we end up reacting.

                                                                                                   Michelle

Wrapping up our section on attitude, we would be remiss to neglect the impact of your reaction on those around you. Your attitude has a major influence on the way in which you react to various situations. If you have a bad attitude, you are more likely to escalate bad situations by having a harsh or aggressive reaction to what is said or done to you. A good attitude can keep you more level-headed and allow you to make an appropriate reaction to whatever scenario arises. 

Think about a time in which you reacted inappropriately. I don’t want you to think of a time when someone attacked you out of nowhere or revealed something that completely changed your understanding of something. When people catch you off guard with a major shift in conversation, it is normal to have a reaction that is different from your normal type of reaction. Think of a time when someone did something to you within reason to their normal behavior and you had a disproportionate reaction. Likely, the main reason for your adverse reaction would be that you were not in the right mood or did not have the right attitude at that moment to deal with that situation. A good generic example is when you are not feeling good and you are falling behind on something. If a friend or colleague neutrally asks you about the progress of the project you are behind on, you might snap at them because you are feeling bad about that topic. 

While you can get away, to an extent, with doing something like the above scenario to a friend or family member, you really should not bring that kind of unmeasured reaction to the workplace. As a leader, if you were to do something like that to someone who worked for you, you could seriously damage that relationship. Repeated unnecessary negative reactions from a leader can create a toxic work environment in which people frequently leave their job after short stints of working for that company. It also fosters distrust from your employees. 

Looking at the other side of this situation, as a leader, your positive reactions can completely transform your workforce. Unexpected, or extra positive reactions from a boss can empower employees to believe in their ideas and take additional action. It can also instill loyalty within your employees allowing you to retain great talent when you find it. You never know when someone who works for you is really overwhelmed or insecure about their job. Surprising them with positive reactions and encouragement can completely change the way in which they view their job. 

I truly believe that attitude is one of the most important factors of leadership. Leaders have a huge responsibility to set the tone of an organization. The speech about attitude that I referenced last week says that attitude has the power to make or break a company, a church, or a home. I believe that to be true, and that attitude comes from the top. If you are not in charge of your own attitude, you need to fix that. It is one of the most impactful parts of leadership that we have discussed so far. Take time and work on your attitude today.

-          Bria

Positive Mental Attitude

    Attitude is to life as the atom is to matter.  All matter consists of atoms…differing only in number, arrangement and behavior.  In the same way, a successful life is more attitude than it is aptitude.  Enthusiasm is more persuasive than the most eloquent man without it.  Someone once said, “Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important!”

    Most people are classified as either optimistic or pessimistic, but I think it really is a matter of the amount of cheerfulness or enthusiasm that is present in their lives.  I have worked for both kinds of administrators…and I can say from experience, I worked harder for the enthusiastic leader.  My actions related to the harsher and more critical administrator were basically the “meet the letter of the law” type which basically kept me out of trouble.  I did a good job, but I was not inspired to do a “great work” nor was I able to believe something inspirational would be able to come out of that work.  The caring, happy, enthusiastic administrator brought out of me my creativity, my loyalty, and cooperation and saw my first success at creating and selling my first educational teaching game.  I found true joy in lending my abilities to his desire for excellence in education, and together, we found success.

    “The greatest discovery is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”  “Faith and initiative rightly combined remove mountainous barriers and achieve the unheard of and miraculous.”  Yet, too often we spend almost 90% of our educational days teaching facts and figures, and hardly 10% teaching about attitudes and the choices we make in life.  Yes, more people have pointed out that the affective parts of education are important, but it still remains in the shadows of classroom practice.  A study by Harvard University revealed that 85% of the reasons for success, accomplishments, promotions, etc. were because of our attitudes and only 15% because of our technical expertise (facts).

    It is information such as this that inspired Zig Zigler to develop the “See You At The Top” program for schools.  In 1972, the Surgeon General of the United States, after a two-year study, declared that evidence showed a definite causal relationship between televised violence and antisocial behavior.  Let me now quote what Zig Zigler wrote about the studies of Dr. Albert Bendura of Stanford and Dr. Leonard Berkowitz of the University of Wisconsin which “produced studies which show that people who see violence portrayed will behave nearly twice as violently as people who have not seen it.  Presentations of violence can cause anyone to become more aggressive.  Children, being more suggestible, are even more vulnerable.  According to Dr. Berkowitz, “It’s pretty certain that people who watch sex movies are going to be sexually active afterward.”  Since the average American youngster spends approximately 15,000 hours watching TV by the time he graduates from high schools, what he views will definitely affect his thoughts and, hence, his actions.”  

    I have seen the validity of these findings play out during my fifty plus years of teaching.  At the time these facts were written, we did not have the availability of the internet.  So, I have been shocked to see the increase in violent thinking and aggressive actions of young people.   I have chosen to teach my students that to reach the top and to be successful, one must be deliberate in climbing the steps to success. I close this blog with some wisdom about achieving success by adjusting our mental attitudes.  My old friend, Dr. Orbra Hulsey listed these seventeen secrets to success:

    Keep your temper to yourself.  Give your enthusiasm to everybody.  Be yourself, forget yourself, become genuinely interested in the other guy.  Be fair, honest, friendly – and you’ll be admired and liked.  Make other people feel important.   Count your assets and stamp out self-pity.   Meet the other person at his / her own level.   Put your smile power to work.   Keep moving.   Keep trying.   Give the gift of heart.   Get off to a good start in anything you do.   Forgive yourself if you fail.   Be lavish with kindness.   Overwhelm people with your charm, not your power.   Keep promises.   Be optimistic.

    And last of all, remember that of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.    

- Kay

  I was sitting in a church service this morning in which the preacher was preaching the standard first week of December sermon: Mary and Joseph being told by angels that they will have a baby before they’ve even been married.  My attitude suffered. Why can’t we learn something new? It’s very tempting to think that I have nothing new to learn from the traditional December sermons. But the great nature of God’s word is that it never gets old. There is always a lesson.  

   Fast forward to Mary’s reaction to this news: Be it unto me as you say.  What an attitude! Whatever you say, God, is okay with me. Wow! She was going to look like she had relations with another person and risk losing her betrothed. But she said okay.

   Attitude is simply this: a decision. It’s a decision to work with what we’ve got. It’s a decision to be happy with what we’ve got. It’s a decision to look with hope to our future. 

    Have we become a society of bad attitudes? We complain about our day, we’re mad at our leaders, and we declare our possessions not good enough within months of buying them. The Internet is full of our attitudes, and very few are good.

    How can we change the habitual attitude of ingratitude?  We simply choose to see the good in any situation. A good attitude comes from a decision to be happy or be content.

    Okay… admittedly, that’s advice for the typical human being.  What do we do for gifted kids?  Gifted kids are eternal optimists in elementary school, but it doesn;t take long to turn them into true cynics!  How do we convince our smartest kids not to give up on the world?  Not to have a rotten attitude?  

    I don’t have that answer for you.  The most I have is what I try to do.  I try to get the kids to look at a smaller picture (as opposed to the “big picture”).  When they look at the entirety of an issue, it’s very easy to become overwhelmed and give up.  If they look at just their corner of the world, they start to see evidence of improvement, and this breeds hope of more improvement.  Isn’t it funny that we spend so much of our time with youth trying to get them to see the big picture, but with gifted youth, we try to give them tunnel vision?!  The problem for them is that they have been seeing the big picture all along.  They do not understand why others don’t.  It all seems so easily fixed, and the world just won’t listen.  While I am not an advocate of making your gifted child into an elitist, I do believe it is important that your child understand that he/she does not think like most people… that he/she is capable of so much more than the average person.  The way to keep him humble is to remind him that he is abnormal because of this ability, and he cannot be mad at people for being normal.  The abnormal just have to help them see the big picture when the time is right.  

    I have found that this helps even my kids who spend the most time depressed to see hope.  It’s not a fix, but it surely is a choice of a better attitude about things.  

    Let’s face it, a good attitude is not, all on its own, get you that dream job or perfect mate.  It will, however, make more people want to be around you.  It will cause better health - several studies have proven this.  And it will increase the number of good ideas and experiences that come into existence simply because their originators had a good mental attitude.  There’s no downside to a good attitude!

• Michelle

We spend a lot of time talking to our kids about their attitudes. A big part of developing leadership skills is learning how to manage your attitude. This is not a skill that we are born with but it is something that you can learn over time. It’s important to learn early on how to control your attitude because it is something that impacts how people perceive you as well as how you interact with the world around you. 

When we induct new members into our Honor Society we have them recite an oath about attitude. It discusses the impact one’s attitude has on his everyday life. It goes on to mention that there are a lot of things in our life that we cannot change, the past, the future, how other people act, etc. But we have complete agency and the ability to change our own attitudes. The speech ends by saying, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.” 

I think that speech is really impactful for a lot of reasons. It reminds us that while life can throw a lot of unforeseen things at us that we are not in control of, we can always control how we react to things. As leaders, managing your attitude is vital. Others will look to you in times of crisis or conflict to gauge your reaction. It is important that you can show strength and level-headedness in trying times. 

Similarly, in everyday life as a leader, you will be expected to maintain a positive, uplifting attitude. Those who work with you will respect you more if you make them feel supported. As a boss, your attitude sets the tone for the rest of the company. If you are negative and emotional all the time, your employees will follow suit. As a leader, attitude is a superpower. The more work you put in to learn how to control your attitude, the stronger this power will be. When used correctly, attitude can change everything around you for the better. If you are not familiar with the aforementioned attitude speech by Chuck Swindoll, I encourage you to read it and apply it to your life. Start living by that philosophy today. Be in charge of your attitude.

- Bria

Goals: Identification

   I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of goals.  Tons, actually.  Sometimes I wake up saying Hit the ground running.  I know the goals for the day… generally.  I don’t write them down, and, as a consequence, I sometimes forget to meet them.  It turns out, writing goals down is an important step in meeting them.  I don’t know that we need to write down every goal we have, but identifying the big ones by writing them down and making a plan to meet them is important.

   Several years back, several “someones” did studies on visualizing oneself doing something correctly and the effect that had on doing it for real.  I believe they talked about having basketball players visualize themselves making free shots, and they postured that the visualization of making free shots was almost as useful as practicing making free shots itself.  I believe this.  The brain is amazing.   

   So, we have to identify the goal, writing it down and claiming it.  We have to visualize ourselves meeting the goal.  The last step would be to pursue it persistently.  This last step is difficult for me.  I find that my goals evolve and change over time.  For instance, I decided the fourth year I was at Lawton Academy of Arts & Sciences that God was going to provide a secondary building that was state-of-the-art.  I began pacing out the rooms on our current soccer field.  Over the years, I drew plans to a second story on our current building, plans for two-story cafeteria and auditorium in our current playground area, and a completely separate building in that soccer field.  Fourteen years later, God has provided that building.  It is truly wonderful, and there are several state-of-the-art components.  It is larger than I expected, yet it doesn’t have all of the amenities of which I dreamed.  So, was the goal accomplished or not?  You bet it was!  We have a wonderful facility just as we need it, and everyone is very excited about utilizing it. 

    Let’s use another example.  I began desiring to be a high school music teacher in the 7th grade.  By my senior year, three of my six classes revolved around the music program, and I was the director of my choir when substitutes came for my choir teacher who died of cancer by the end of the year.  I went off to Oklahoma Baptist University to make myself the best music teacher ever.  That summer, I cam home and subbed in the local high schools.  Since I was just 18, several of the 17-year-olds felt they could ask me out.  That was uncomfortable, so I began substituting in the elementary schools, and I fell in love with it.  Fast-forward twenty years, and I became a high school music teacher at my current job.  Too cool!  I was prepared.  Then eight years later, God brought an even better music teacher my way, and she took the part of my very full job description. 

     I guess my point is that we cannot be so persistent of a goal that we do not see how it can evolve and change over the years.  Goals are not meant to be an end.  They are part of the process of living.  If we set goals as an end point, what do we do after we meet that goal?  Many people have made this mistake, and once they reach the goal, they don’t know what to do with themselves. 

    So, identify goals, visualize yourself accomplishing them, and be persistent, but be flexible, too.  Sometimes our goals are not as big as what is actually going to happen.  Give life the opportunity to pleasantly surprise you!

-           Michelle

 Today we are talking about identifying goals. In many ways I covered that a few weeks ago when we discussed setting goals. For a quick recap, when you set a goal, you need to make sure it meets the SMART goal framework. This acronym stands for smart, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. If your goal does not satisfy those categories, then it needs to be given more thought. 

For many, the goal will meet most of the categories, but ignore one category like, “time-bound.” When reviewing student goals, this category is often overlooked. This is arguably the most important part because it determines the finish line. It states whether this goal should be finished in six months or six years. Not determining a clear deadline for meeting your goals will allow you to get lazy about making progress.

So, what happens if you are sitting there with the SMART goal categories in front of you, but you can’t think of a goal? Maybe the specificity overwhelms you, or maybe you are putting too much pressure on coming up with a really good goal. A lot of times people give up at this stage because of reasons like fear of failure or negative self-talk. Others choose to make a big, non-specific, somewhat unattainable goal (think New Year’s Resolutions) that they end up ditching in a week or two. So how do we get past this writer's block and set meaningful goals for ourselves?

The first thing you can do if you are new to goal setting is to start small. Don’t make your first goal a life-changing, career-altering, totally transformative beast of a goal. Start with something you can attain with small changes in a short period of time. Good goals for your first time would be things like, “for the month of December, I would like to have no more than one soda a day.” Or, “until Christmas break, I’m going to stay twice a week for study hall to receive math tutoring.” Setting and fulfilling goals of this nature will help build your confidence and momentum to achieve harder or more long-term goals.

Once you have conquered a few of these “bunny slope” goals, it’s time to move on to rougher terrain. If you still aren’t sure about what your big goal should be, take some ideas to the drawing board. One exercise that you can do is to make a vision board. You can do this online, or you can make a real one to display around your house. This board should include images, quotes, ideas, etc. that inspire you or portray something you would like to achieve or acquire in the future. Once you are finished, look at the type of things on your board and think about how you could achieve them.

 For instance, I made a vision board in 2019 that had things about savings, finding happiness, building my physical strength, etc. After identifying those categories as things that are important to me, I was able to look at ways that I could work towards these things. One easy thing I did right away was to set up an automatic weekly transfer or $20 from my checking account to my savings account. While this doesn’t sound like a ton of money, it was realistic in my budget at the time, and I was able to supplement it with other savings throughout the month. That automatic transfer was a great way to kickstart that goal.

Another way to help set goals is to look at someone who has what you want and figure out how he got there. If you have a specific career in mind, find someone who has that job and figure out the steps he took to get it. If it is not easy to ascertain from something public like a LinkedIn profile, then reach out to that person and ask him if he would be willing to do an informational interview. Many people are willing to grab a cup of coffee and answer questions you have about their role. It’s also a great way to network and build your connections. 

This year has been rough in many ways. I believe that 2021’s New Year’s Resolutions have the potential to be more influential than ever. Even if you are not someone who believes in resolutions, take the fresh start of the new year to sit down and come up with some actionable goals for yourself. No more delaying or hesitating; now is the time to work on ourselves. We have six weeks until 2021. Take this week to reflect on what you are thankful for, and the next week to determine ways you can grow in the new year.

-          Bria

     Goal setting has been thoroughly discussed and taught in many formats for as long as I can remember. Successful people and especially leaders are usually quite able to set and carry out goals. So, I want to deviate and share something a little different and something which I am most concerned about at this present time. We are seeing such an underachievement syndrome pervading our schools in recent years that I have been reading and studying research that is taking place in the fields of education and psychology concerning this matter. Slow processing speed is becoming a major factor among many of today’s children. The Corona pandemic hasn’t helped at all. Many schools and educators just pass this problem off as a part of the ADHD crisis in our schools. Recognizing that slow processing speed in our technological world is a giant mismatch, I am setting some new goals for myself as a teacher of young children. My goals will include better communication with my students and parents when we are confronted with these executive skills causing underachievement among our students. It amazes me that throughout my life, God has placed certain people in my path who will have a direct influence upon me at some later time. Such a person was Dr. Sylvia Rimm whom I met at Asylimar, California, as part of a consortium for leaders of the gifted in the arts. Our meeting was more than thirty years ago, but her teachings came to me in a resounding way today as I considered setting goals for a couple of my students who have processing speed deficits. So, should Dr. Rimm run across the quote of her work below, please know that I hold your work in highest esteem and have looked to it to remind me of your “Rimm’s Laws,” which I consider most helpful in meeting the goal of helping students who are underachieving. I can recommend her book, Underachievement Syndrome Causes and Cures to all. Please read these laws she has written and consider them as most worthwhile goals for those dealing with students who are struggling. #1: Children are more likely to be achievers if their parents join together to give the same clear and positive message about school effort and expectations. #2: Children can learn appropriate behaviors more easily if they have an effective model to imitate. #3: Communication about a child between adults (referential speaking) dramatically affects children’s behaviors and self-perceptions. #4: Overreactions by parents to children’s successes and failures leads them to feel either intense pressure to succeed or despair and discouragement in dealing with failure. #5: Children feel more tension when they are worrying about their work than when they are doing their work. #6: Children develop self-confidence through struggle. #7: Deprivation and excess frequently exhibit the same symptoms. #8:Children develop confidence and an internal sense of control if power is given to them in gradually increasing increments as they show maturity and responsibility. #9: Children become oppositional if one adult allies with them against a parent or a teacher, making them more powerful than an adult. #10: Adults should avoid confrontations with children unless they are sure they can control the outcomes. #11: Children will become achievers only if they learn to function in competition. #12: Children will continue to achieve if they usually see the relationship between the learning process and its outcomes.

    All of the above laws are useful for leaders. The social changes taking place in our country are having a dramatic impact upon our students. This pandemic has caused clinicians to speak out about the psychological ramifications it is having upon our children. Thus, I am reworking my own goal setting. Let me now quote a most moving paragraph penned by Dr. Rimm in 1986:

    Television and video films display in our living rooms the life-styles and financial rewards of the most successful. Commercials develop an unquenchable thirst for material possessions. Sports and music heroes are more reputed for the fantastic salaries they command than for their hard work or talent. Furthermore, the stories of their successes sound like magical fairy tales with little struggle and much luck. Hero’s value systems appear free of ethical structure - alcohol, drugs, sex, violence and other illegal activities are associated with fame and success. The traditional “rags to riches” image which modeled for American children the path by which hard working, intelligent and creative people climb the ladder from poverty to wealth has been replaced by the media’s magical system, with which any child would like to identify. Brilliant talent is miraculously discovered, and a powerful fairy godmother transforms a poor unrecognized teenager to instant stardom.

    Thank you, Dr. Rimm. I have a great job to do: set goals for myself in helping my students overcome underachievement...and helping them to learn to set goals for themselves. I figure that in my effort to adapt to the world of “Zoom instruction,” my goals need to be sharpened for my interactions with my students and parents. With my career spanning over fifty years, I can see that my goals need to be reset in a new age of pandemic, media, technology, and truly a paradigm shift!

                                                                                        Kay

Goals: Overcoming Obstacles

It is easy to understand how to set goals and why goals are important. One of the hardest parts of working towards a goal is finding the motivation to start. So, what happens when you set a goal, motivate yourself to start working towards the goal, and then run into an unforeseen obstacle that interferes with your success? Well, depending on the size/complexity of the obstacle, it could be a momentary distraction or something that completely derails your journey to meet the goal. Either way, obstacles to goals are very frustrating. 

When you begin working towards a goal, there are typically some obstacles that you can anticipate. If your goal is to lose a significant amount of weight, there are a lot of small obstacles that are easy to foresee. Things like specific diets not working for your body type can really affect the timeline of meeting your goal. Similarly, if you are choosing to increase your exercise and activity level to meet your goal, injuries and dwindling motivation can impact your process. There are a million other small potential obstacles that could derail this specific goal. Everything from travel to an increased workload to a common cold can throw off your plans. With the goal of weight loss, a large portion of people end up failing primarily from a lack of motivation. 

Because we can anticipate a lot of these small obstacles, we have the opportunity to plan ahead for what happens if/when these obstacles arise. If your goal is to graduate high school with a 4.0 GPA, an obvious obstacle would be a really hard course. A way to plan ahead would be to educate yourself on your school’s tutoring options. Once you find yourself starting to struggle in a hard course, you will already know how to get in touch with a tutor and get the help you need to succeed in the class. 

The harder thing is when we encounter unforeseen obstacles. These obstacles can seemingly come out of nowhere and often catch us off guard. Obstacles of this nature can easily throw us off our plan to meet our goal because we could not have planned ahead for them. If we encounter a significant obstacle it can completely derail us. This can be incredibly disheartening, especially if we were close to achieving our goal. The key to overcoming obstacles of this nature is to practice patience and to look for other paths to your goal. The best thing to do when facing unforeseen obstacles is to try to maintain composure. It will be frustrating, but a lot of these obstacles have an expiration date. If you keep your eyes on the prize and stay focused, you will eventually be able to complete your goal. Determination and positivity can help you overcome the obstacles in your way. 

                                                                                                Bria

     Obstacles to our goals are just part of life!  Call it Murphy’s Law…or fate…or just plain bad luck, obstacles are sure to hound us right after we set definite goals.  Perhaps it’s an offshoot of one of the laws of motion: for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction.  Being prepared for that eventuality is important.  Maybe it’s due to my undergraduate degree in art, but I usually always see the positive and negative side of things simultaneously.  In art, one can draw or paint a picture by focusing on and painting the negative space just as easily as doing so with the positive space.  Either way, the final product is about the same.  In life, however, when I mention both sides of the situation – good and bad – I am often called a pessimist.  Not so!  I am just determined to be prepared for the worst-case scenario in case it happens.  After all, as superintendent or head of an organization, the buck stops here!  So, preparation is a must!

    I do not let seeing both the positive and the negative aspects stop me from setting goals.  However, I am not one who sets out with long-range plans like my husband.  Throughout our marriage, he has had five-year and ten-year goals as a matter of living.  He has been quite successful with this long-range planning.  I, on the other hand, have more of an “inspiration” type of goal-setting.  If something moves me to an action or purpose, I set a goal for success and don’t stop until I reach that goal.  Since I was sixteen years old, I have lived by the verse of scripture that says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength.”  Since it says all things, I just never doubt that I can and will do something.  Call it faith living, or whatever, I have lived that way for sixty years.   I also believe that God has a plan for every life.  Once you have discovered that plan, He is able to help you achieve it.  Yet, I’ve heard people acquainted with me for years say, “Kay Johnson is lucky…everything she touches turns to gold.”  That simply is not true.  My husband and I have lived our lives working two or three jobs at a time to make ends meet…yet, we never starved.  As we trusted God to guide us, He has carried out the plan beautifully.  Yes, there were bumps along the way…obstacles…but I never doubted.  You see, I’ve learned I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  

    I think many people have difficulty setting goals and accomplishing them because they may not have thought through the validity of the goals they set.  If you care deeply about your life work or a relationship or a project, it becomes an easy matter to wake up each morning with your mind set to accomplish a certain number of tasks toward your overall goal.  Even my little first grade students come to me at various times and assure me, “I’m going to have a better day today.”  My part in their goal accomplishments includes cheering them on and giving positive recognition of accomplishments toward that goal…no matter how small it may be.

    On the other hand, I have known many people who have wandered throughout life being unsettled, depressed, and generally unsatisfied.  Perhaps if they had set a goal or two in life, they would have had a reason for getting out of bed each day.  Likewise, it is the lessons learned in accomplishing a goal that cause growth to take place in a person’s life, and with that growth comes a sense of satisfaction.          

-          Kay

    All of us face obstacles from the moment we are born.  We had a nice, dark, warm place to be, and then suddenly we were thrust into a cold, bright room where we were forced to breath in a way we never had before.  We cried because we just wanted our comfort back, and the minute we got warm, we closed our eyes and dreamt we were in that comfort again. 

    And so it goes in life… all the way to the end.  There is no day during this life we’re giving that obstacles don’t come.  Sure, we group them into “no sweat” obstacles and “I’ll deal with later” obstacles and the such, but they are obstacles none the less. 

   As parents, it is our job to equip our children with ways to avoid, get around, or travel through these obstacles.  It seems only fitting that we, as parents, should do a check to make sure that we ourselves are not the obstacle. There are several areas in which a parent can become the obstacle to a child’s healthy development. Obviously, child abuse, neglect, and molestation would be obstacles that many of us would never perpetrate. But what about the little things we do that do not allow our child to grow into an equipped adult? You know, the things that seem innocuous? Things like allowing our kids to sleep in our beds or rooms well into the upper elementary grades? .Or leaving work to fetch items that our children forgot to take to school… repeatedly? Do we allow our kids to fight their own battles, or do we rush to their aid before even asked? Do you just go ahead and do the task because teaching or getting your child to do the task is way harder? Does your daughter get all of the opportunities your son does?

                How did you do?  If you are able to let your child become independent from you, I guarantee that he will be able to overcome other obstacles in his path.  Just like a chicken whose egg was broken for him will never walk, the kid whose parent does not let the child learn to solve for himself cripples him.  I know it’s tough.  I guarantee you, though, that the problem-solving, risk-taking adults that they become will make you ever-so-proud!

-          Michelle

Goals are Important in Life

     If I had a dime for every time a parent asked me how to get his kid to take assignments seriously, I would have enough for dinner out.  Getting a student to become a true student takes only one thing:  the student must have a goal.  When young, that goal might be to get straight A’s for a monetary prize or a privilege or just for bragging rights.  As homework amounts grow, though, and teens start losing more and more of their free time, students without goals begin to fail.  It’s not until a teen sees the reason for doing all of this that he does it willingly.  It is our job as parents and educators to help him find a goal.

    The truth is that there are many types of goals:  long-range and short-term, professional and personal, general and specific, small and big.  We’ve been setting goals for our kids since they were toddlers.  We threw Fruit Loops in the toilet and told our toilet-training little boy to hit the red ones.  (No?  You didn’t do that?!)  We helped our young rider to move from a tricycle to a bicycle with training wheels.  And we waited nervously in the wings as our kids tried out for anything from a team to a troupe.  ‘

    Many of us do a great job with teaching our kids to set goals.  Do we, however, teach them how to evaluate those goals and/or the failures in pursuit of those goals?  This is just as important as setting the goal.  If we will take the time to analyze with our kids where they are in their goals and what to do different in those that fail, we will open that door of communication throughout that child’s life right into adulthood. 

   Parents have to be careful not to set the goals for their children.  Goals should be set with children.  Now, Parents of gifted and talented kids, be forewarned:  your gifted child will set unrealistic goals.  You have to be careful not to over-react or nay-say the goal.  Obviously, if it’s completely unattainable, you will have to explain why.  But, if you are only worried that it is unattainable to your child, do some risk assessment and see how much damage letting him try can do.  If it’s not too much, support where you can.  When the failure comes, it is important that you don’t say “I told you so.”  You will only cause your gifted kid not to try again or not to share with you his goals.  Instead, empathize with his failure and ask if there is anything you could help with that would make it go better next time. 

    Gifted have big ideas and big goals.  That’s what will cause him to solve really big problems as a gifted adult.  If we teach our gifted that failure is just a chance to try a different method, then our gifted will be setting goals and solving real problems for a lifetime!

-          Michelle

     If I had a dime for every time a parent asked me how to get his kid to take assignments seriously, I would have enough for dinner out.  Getting a student to become a true student takes only one thing:  the student must have a goal.  When young, that goal might be to get straight A’s for a monetary prize or a privilege or just for bragging rights.  As homework amounts grow, though, and teens start losing more and more of their free time, students without goals begin to fail.  It’s not until a teen sees the reason for doing all of this that he does it willingly.  It is our job as parents and educators to help him find a goal.

    The truth is that there are many types of goals:  long-range and short-term, professional and personal, general and specific, small and big.  We’ve been setting goals for our kids since they were toddlers.  We threw Fruit Loops in the toilet and told our toilet-training little boy to hit the red ones.  (No?  You didn’t do that?!)  We helped our young rider to move from a tricycle to a bicycle with training wheels.  And we waited nervously in the wings as our kids tried out for anything from a team to a troupe.  ‘

    Many of us do a great job with teaching our kids to set goals.  Do we, however, teach them how to evaluate those goals and/or the failures in pursuit of those goals?  This is just as important as setting the goal.  If we will take the time to analyze with our kids where they are in their goals and what to do different in those that fail, we will open that door of communication throughout that child’s life right into adulthood. 

   Parents have to be careful not to set the goals for their children.  Goals should be set with children.  Now, Parents of gifted and talented kids, be forewarned:  your gifted child will set unrealistic goals.  You have to be careful not to over-react or nay-say the goal.  Obviously, if it’s completely unattainable, you will have to explain why.  But, if you are only worried that it is unattainable to your child, do some risk assessment and see how much damage letting him try can do.  If it’s not too much, support where you can.  When the failure comes, it is important that you don’t say “I told you so.”  You will only cause your gifted kid not to try again or not to share with you his goals.  Instead, empathize with his failure and ask if there is anything you could help with that would make it go better next time. 

    Gifted have big ideas and big goals.  That’s what will cause him to solve really big problems as a gifted adult.  If we teach our gifted that failure is just a chance to try a different method, then our gifted will be setting goals and solving real problems for a lifetime!

-          Michelle

This week we are learning the importance of goal setting. This is vital for leaders, but it is also important for everyone. I believe that goal setting and goal achieving is the best way to advance yourself towards growth and success. It is a way to keep your eye on the prize and to push yourself to achieve more. As young leaders climb the ladder of success, goals can help them reach the future that they are destined for.

Each year I ask our juniors and seniors to set some goals for themselves. We break this exercise up into personal goals and career goals. While it is great to have personal goals (like getting in shape, learning a new skill, making a friend), these goals will not always help advance their careers. That is why I encourage them to set goals for their careers in the framework of the SMART goal exercise.

 The SMART goal exercise says that good goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. By meeting this criteria, students come up with goals that are very specific and detailed. Rather than saying, “I want to get into a good college,” they would say, “I want to be accepted to one of my top three colleges by December of my senior year.” This is a really good goal for students. It is obviously specific. It’s measurable because when the students get to December, they will either be admitted into one of these schools or not. It’s attainable as long as the students’ top three colleges are within their abilities. It is relevant because at that stage of life, students are very focused on the next chapter of life. Lastly, it is time bound because the students have given themselves a deadline. 

At this point the students have taken the first step towards achieving this goal. However, goal setting requires action and follow up. You can write down an excellent goal (think New Year’s resolution) and forget about it and never work towards it. As young people, it is really easy to do that. So, I have them start setting these types of goals in their junior year, and I keep the goals on file. Then I ask them about the goals in class every six months. Normally it goes one of two ways:

1. The student forgets completely that he or she set the goal and tries to make up an excuse as to why they have not progressed.

2. The student is excited to discuss the goal again and presents the class with the updates on action towards the goal. Or in some cases the student can share that he or she has met the goal.

For the students who actually make progress towards the goal, you can see pride and a sense of achievement. This can be a really rewarding experience when it is taken seriously. So how do you hold yourself accountable when you don’t have a teacher to regularly ask for progress updates? The best way to keep making progress towards your goals is to keep them at the front of your mind. The easiest way to do this is to put the goal somewhere you will regularly see it. This might be your bathroom mirror, your phone screen, your laptop, your car, etc. When you regularly see the goal, you will be more likely to keep working on it. If you don’t feel comfortable displaying it where someone else might see it, you can always set regular reminders in your phone so that you are alerted to the goal once a week. 

                                                            -Bria

No Entry this Week

Well, we had an early ice storm that closed school for two days this week, and then we had two quarantine kindergarten for two weeks due to a Covid exposure! With all this busy-ness, we ran out of time to get entries in this week. We’ll be back next week.

Michelle

Relationships: Giving to Get

This week’s lesson in leadership is giving to get. That is a great lesson for everyone to learn and it is an important topic to talk about at the start of the giving season. As a leader, you have to meet the needs of your employees so that they can meet your needs. You should always want to meet your employee’s needs so that you can retain good talent in your workforce. People need to feel appreciated, represented, and respected to thrive and give their best effort at work. 

Leaders who are aware of employee needs can help develop a strong team of motivated, goal-oriented individuals. Looking at our workforce generationally, gone are the days of employees working the same job for decades and giving 110% based on principal rather than good working conditions or incentives. Our global workforce is becoming more and more liberated and independent. This is great for employees because it has pushed our companies to provide more pay equality, better benefits, and more time off. These factors all contribute to better and more dedicated workers. 

From a leadership perspective, it can be harder to motivate employees in this changing work environment. Millennials now make up a significant portion of the workforce. That generation places very little significance on being loyal to a workplace that does not value them. They need a lot of positive feedback and prioritize companies with a good corporate culture. This is very different from the needs of older generations and will likely be different from the generation beneath them as well. 

To be an employer who meets the needs of his or her employees, you must educate yourself on what those needs are. What your Gen X middle manager and your Gen Z receptionist need from you as an employer will be wildly different. There are always overarching needs that every employee appreciates, but we are working in a multigenerational workforce and it is important to understand what your employees of many different age groups need from you to be successful. Even small things like the way in which you provide feedback should vary. For instance, employees from the Baby Boomer generation generally prefer direct, in-person feedback. Sending an email evaluation to these employees will not always adequately communicate the intended message because it is not the communication channel in which that person thrives. On the other hand, Millennials and Gen Z would rather die than receive negative feedback in person. For those employees, a clearly written email is a strong preference. Handling either situation in the opposite way can put that employee in major distress. Distressed employees are unproductive employees. 

There are endless examples of ways that you as a leader can give back to your employees. Too often in companies, we lead with the idea that employees must first prove themselves to receive incentives. Leveled up incentives like promotions, raises, or accrued time off can keep employees motivated. However, this does not mean that employees need to start with little or nothing until they have proved their worth. Investing in your employees early on can inspire productivity and loyalty, and it can make your employees more willing to put in the extra effort. At the end of the day, giving to your employees and meeting their needs makes your overall working environment better. Do not view employee incentives as a give and take. Recognize that helping your employees ultimately helps you. 

                                                                                    -Bria

    The leadership principle this week seems rather obvious, but the high number of failed start-ups in the last several years tells us that not all understand this idea.  One out of three students I teach says he wants to be rich when he grows up. I always tell the kids that I’ll never be rich because I’m always spending all of my money on the school… on them.  It’s my pleasure to do so!  I’m so glad God has given me enough money to be able to give some to others.

   It is our responsibility to teach our children that the greatest joy comes not from pursuing wealth, but from providing something (a service or good) that people need. This is literally the recipe for success. Find something people want and do a good job giving it to them. They will spread the word, and your business will grow. This will, in turn, give you enough money to get what you want. 

   I see two areas that keep people from employing this simple idea. The first is an inability to see how one’s very best effort is what a customer wants. It’s not enough anymore just to have a recognizable brand. People expect high quality from a company or person who enjoys a widely-recognized brand.  No longer is the brand itself enough. Dissatisfied customers take their complaints to the Internet. Get enough of those, and soon there is no business. I’m not sure, having seen how shoddy work from some of my students is, that excellence is a goal for many.

   The second block has to do with being content.  We have got to teach our kids how little they need to be truly happy. Most love the anticipation of the next acquisition more than the actual item itself.  

    As we have learned as owners of this school, one can give a quality service and still not become rich. We’re enjoying so many successes, though. When it comes down to it, this is really what we want. Sure, we’d love to be able to afford more, but truthfully (for me, at least), most of that more would be for the school kids.  My husband and I have two children who are happily married and employed; my parents are still gainfully employed and healthy.; all of us own homes; and we’re able to pay all of our bills pretty comfortably. I’m content!

    The key that we have to teach our kids is that joy comes when they provide a service that is truly needed well.  Every interaction becomes a potential blessing!

-       Michelle

    In considering our relationships with others, we can make the most out of life by helping others get what they want in life.  This principle can be equated with the Golden Rule of the Bible.  It is a concept known by many names with many outstanding people bearing testimony of it in their own lives.  I want to quote what Mister Rogers said about it.

    “All of us, at some time or other, need help.  Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world.  That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors – in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.  As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time.  It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression…..The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings.  Some people have many blessings and hoard them.  Some have few and give everything away.”

    As a teacher, I have a golden opportunity to give to my students the wisdom of the ages and the vision of the millions of opportunities for success that are available to them.  I have the duty to build in them a thirst for truth, a hunger for opportunities for service, and to gift them with the skills to be successful in a future world which none of us knows.  I can undertake this enormous task in the same manner a person would eat an elephant…one bite at a time!  I must remember each day that little children come to me wanting to learn…wanting to be better today than they were yesterday.  That means I must not be detoured by those children who act out, or who disrupt the learning process in the classroom.  Believe me, some days, especially right before the weather changes, children can be cantankerous and hard to tolerate.  Yet, as a leader, I must put aside my personal emotions, the time ticking away on the class period, or the inevitable failure of the internet to complete our zoom lesson…and I must stop and consider the life of each and every child in my room.  And then, again quoting Mister Rogers:  I must remember that “The purpose of life is to listen – to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful a way as you can find…from within and without.”

    “There is a destiny that makes us brothers.    None goes his way alone.    All that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own.”  -  Markham.                    

 - Kay

Relationships: How We See Others

This month we are switching gears in our leadership lessons to discuss relationships. We will look at how good relationships can build strong connections between a leader and his or her employees that will create a cohesive, effective team. To begin this lesson, we will look at how we see those around us and how that affects our relationships. 

Have you ever known someone who you did not like, but one day something occurred and you had a change of heart about that individual? Most of us have experienced this phenomenon. It is naive to believe that that individual just suddenly changed for the better. Likely what happened is that we actually took time to get to know him and understand him on a deeper level. As humans, we have an innate distrust of the unknown. We do not like it when we have gaps in information, so our brain attempts to fill in these gaps for us. This is dangerous because we fill in information based on feelings rather than facts. It becomes harmful when we make up stories and fill in information gaps based on past experiences, prejudices, discrimination, etc. There are a lot of issues with this practice. Furthermore, how we see our employees and colleagues can be impacted by our brain filling in information gaps based on past experiences and emotions rather than facts. 

As leaders, we should want to build strong working relationships with our colleagues and employees. How we see the people we work with impacts how we interact with them. If we view our employees as lazy, incompetent, greedy people, that will impact the culture of the workplace and how the team works together. In that example, you as a leader need to evaluate your employees. If you investigate the situation and those feelings about your employees are based in fact, then you should probably consider making some cuts. More than likely, when you investigate the situation, you will discover that you are viewing your employees through the wrong lens and you are missing lots of good work and behaviors. 

When a leader views his or her employees as good workers who believe in the company mission, those people will feel more supported by company leadership. The leader will not be looking for reasons to distrust or discredit the employees. When a leader views employees negatively, that impacts every interaction that occurs between them. The same can be said for leaders who view employees positively. This positivity will permeate throughout the working environment. As we have mentioned before, happy employees are effective employees. Take some time to think about how you view those around you. If you realize that your perceptions of those around you are largely negative, you should do what you can to change these perceptions. This practice will help improve your relationships, both personal and work-related.

-          Bria