Many people express surprise when they learn that I have, throughout my fifty plus years as an educator, taught a full day in the classroom and worked my administrative duties in the wee hours of the morning or late at night.  They are just as surprised to find my daughter, Michelle, has chosen to do likewise.  Why?  It’s about relationships.

    I did not become an educator to sit in an office and shuffle paperwork all day.  I wanted the excitement of working with students and challenging them to be their best.  Nothing is as rewarding as being able to establish a relationship with students and through that relationship having the opportunity to influence students to become their “best” self.  I take this relationship very seriously since the Bible quotes Jesus as saying, “Anyone who causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a huge millstone tied around his neck.”  Teaching little children is an awesome calling!

    I have the joy of seeing many of the students I’ve taught living successful and fulfilling lives.  But the best experiences are those students who came back to say, “Thank you, Mrs. Johnson, for believing in me!”  It makes all the bitter times disappear from my memory.  Oh, it isn’t easy to always look for and find the “good” in each and every child.  Some children have been beaten down to an emotional basket-case so much that accepting compliments is not in their social ability.  We have to really work hard with these children…sometimes, we never are able to reach them with the good news that they can change and rearrange their lives.

    Teaching full time while being an administrator also helps me develop a relationship with my employees.  I am on the front lines with my teachers.  I make the same mistakes many of them do when we are tired or the children aren’t particularly interested in learning.  Thus, I can have empathy for their situations…I have experienced it also.  

    I always told my husband that I often did the “work” missed by some teachers so that they would see what I expected of them.  He pointed out that sometimes, people will just let me go ahead and do it for them…and think nothing more of it.  In those times, I have to pray more for both me and that employee…so that I do not develop a negative relationship with that person.  So, if I look for the good instead of focusing on “poor me” doing my job and someone else’s job too, I realize the benefits.  For one thing, my husband nor I will ever starve to death for lack of a job.  We have both learned to do every kind of job from janitorial and maintenance to construction.  

    Many people who have visited our school or have had their children in our school have commented that it’s “a family feeling.”  Everyone belongs…all are important.  That gives our whole family much satisfaction and joy.  When you enjoy going to do your day’s work, life seems pretty good!  

                                            -Kay

    If there is one thing gifted people cannot keep to themselves, it’s how we see other people!  Unfortunately, often we find ourselves echoing Scar from Disney’s Lion King.  “I’m surrounded by idiots.”

    Much of our teaching time at LAAS goes into teaching gifted kids how to work with others.  You’ve heard the phrase “Too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the broth.”?  Imagine, if you will, an entire student body of “cooks.”  Needless to say, there are often times when we have all leaders and no followers!

    It is important that we teach our gifted kids how not to reveal everything they are thinking.  So many of us family members of gifted have been on the receiving end of a remark about not knowing anything.  Teaching our kids how much it hurts to be on the receiving end is a key factor to helping our kids be good leaders. 

   There are two maxims I teach kids regarding how they see and treat others. 

The first is:  the way you treat a person is how you see that person.  If you are treating him like he’s stupid, you actually think he’s stupid.  Don’t fool yourself into believing you just have a patience problem.  You have to look for the intelligence, and then make sure you allow that person to shine in that area. 

    The second is:  we often hate in others what we hate in our own lives.  For instance, I cannot stand it when people talk too much.  Guess who talks too much, too?  Yep, me.  I actually got spanked for it in school!  I lost a boyfriend in junior high because I never shut up! 

    The reason we hate this in others is because we know how painful it is to do this.  We know the downside to the attribute.  It’s just much easier to fix someone else than it is to fix ourselves. 

    Do not be afraid to point out when your gifted child is being too hard on someone, including on you.  We have got to teach our gifted kids empathy.   Otherwise, they will be a Godzilla in the work place, crushing all those who dare block their path.  I have my Godzilla days.  I know several of you do, as well.  Let’s help our kids rise above this behavior.

-          Michelle

Self-Image: Standing Up for Oneself and for Friends

Standing up for yourself and for others seems to be the leadership skill most demonstrated in our world today.  Everyone, it seems, is taking a stand for some person or some cause.  This is the second time in my life I have watched demonstrations and protests paraded daily on the news shows and covered in the local and national written media.  It is a time when heated debate and finger pointing are on the rampage.  Thank goodness, I managed to survive the first time, the Vietnam era, with my own belief system still anchored and sure.  I am not sure how this latest period will turn out in the social realm.  

    One reason I think I am less sure today is that many people take a stand, but they do it behind the veil of the internet.  In the Vietnam era, and in the era of civil rights for all, people knew that to take a stand required physical effort to bring about change.  We were willing to put our own lives on the firing line so to speak.  Many of my friends lost their lives in a war which was not a war…and others of my friends and I faced rejection and exclusion for standing up for civil rights.  It was frightening when I was called to the High School principal’s office to be “persuaded” to end the Bible club meetings we held in the Bowling Alley across the street from our school.  As president of the club, I could not cave in to the pressure which violated our civil rights.  This was pretty scary stuff for a 17 year old student.

    I am seeing evidence that children are learning to “speak their minds” without thinking about the consequences for all.  Children do not hesitate to brand people as “liars,” “thieves,” and “evil.”  They are quick to accuse and take sides…even without any prior knowledge of the situation.  This causes many possible friendships to never actually take root…since deep emotional feelings are hard to release.

    But I have not totally given up hope.  One of my first grade students stood up for a child who was guilty of breaking rules, and pleaded for the class to give her another chance.  She did persuade them to give the reprieve.  I was very proud of her action.  If I were to mark tally marks for all the mean and negative things being said about people, they would greatly outnumber the good and positive remarks a few people give.  It just seems there are more antagonists in this world than protagonists.

    All I have to do is remind myself of the old adage: “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.”  God knew me before I was born.  He provided His Son, Jesus, to be a scapegoat for me…to bear the just punishments I deserved for all the wrongs I have done in my life.  This one act of great kindness and forgiveness is the “supreme” example for me to “stand up for my friends and for those who cannot stand on their own.”  I think this example always helps me as a leader to go the second mile with people.  No…I am not perfect in this…but I pray for wisdom and guidance as I take a stand or not.  

                                                                                           Kay

The final thing to address in regards to self-image is standing up for yourself and your team. Once you have done the first two necessary steps of accepting feedback and advice, you are well on your way to becoming a strong leader with a good self-image. The next step is to believe in yourself and stand up for yourself amongst adversity and criticism. A leader with a good self-image is more equipped to stand up for themselves or their team because they are firm in their belief that the decision in question is valid and purposeful. 

Standing up for your own decisions as a leader shows that you are committed and grounded. This does not mean that you should be unshakeable. There will be scenarios when you are incorrect or misinformed. But you should not be easily swayed from your decision, and you should fight for what you believe in. This trait will increase other’s confidence in your leadership. It will also help establish you as an authority. People appreciate leaders who are firm in their beliefs, “wishy-washy” decision making is a sign of a poor leader. 

In addition to standing up for yourself, as a leader you must have your team’s back as well. When others question your employee’s decision, it is better to lead with believing in your employee and investigate the situation further if you are not completely convinced that individual is correct. Supporting your staff communicates that you believe in them and value their input and decisions. Defending something that your employee has done can empower that individual to believe more in themself and can build their own confidence making them a better employee. 

As a leader, your goal should always be to have a good team. A very important component to developing a strong team is building confidence in your employees. If you stand up for your employees, you communicate to them that you value their input and work. This can create a more positive work environment and promote efficiency and hard work in your team. It will also cause your employees to trust and appreciate your more as a leader. When you have a team that supports each other, and people who feel empowered at work, a lot of good things can happen. If you have a position of leadership, think about ways to support your staff. This can only bring a positive outcome.

-          Bria

 Gifted students don’t really have issues standing up for themselves.  Anyone with a gifted child knows that he has no trouble “making his case.”  I started requiring my students to compete with students from other schools just so that I could bust some of the bravado down until earned.  It’s the standing up for friends with which gifted kids sometimes have troubles. 

         Remember in college when your professor wanted you to do a group project.  If you were the gifted one in the group, you did not mind doing the whole thing, if the others would just let you.  After all, you had the best idea, right?  If you were a slacker, you prayed that you would get a gifted kid in your group so she’d want to take the whole thing over! 

        That same drive that tells a gifted person that he has all the answers makes him think that true friends would just let him have his way.  When friends grow tired of being pushed around, very few gifted will apologize and adjust their behavior.  Instead, many decide that the person wasn’t a true friend in the first place.  It is very important that you, as the parent, teach your gifted child how important having a true friendship is.  At a young age, gifted kids think friends are a dime a dozen.  Unfortunately, by high school, they come to realize that kids talk and friends are few and far between. 

       Standing up for friends begins on the playground.  It’s no secret that gifted kids often pick friends based upon intelligence.  Because of that intelligence, the gifted kids will often seem different than the majority of the kids in the class and sometimes will be made fun of because of it.  If you teach your child early that the unique kids end up being the innovators of tomorrow, your child can learn how to stand up for his friend without picking a fight. As that friendship grows, so does the feeling that your child is accepted, and that increases his self-image.

        Your teen will struggle again with friendships in college.  There will be a real desire to have no roommate and to just have acquaintances rather than real friendships.  Once in a relationship, making time for friends will become even less important.  But couples who rely on the partner for all relational needs are strained at best.  You have to teach your child, through words and modeling, that he will meet different relational needs through different people in his life.  Your son will enjoy recreational friendships, while your daughter will enjoy conversational relationships.  It is good to have friends besides our partner. 

       Often gifted adults are so busy solving problems and over-achieving that they forget to make time for friends.  I identify with this tremendously!  When we left our last duty station during JT’s time in the Army, I was ready to shed the friends of that station and move on to the next friends, as I always did.  One friend refused to let go, though, and she is still my best friend to this day.  I am so glad that she wouldn’t just let me walk away.   It is so nice to have someone with whom I can just pick up where we left off… even if it has been months since we’ve seen each other. 

      Self-image is how we see ourselves, and good friends can make sure we see ourselves realistically!

-          Michelle

Self-Image: Having Advisers

   In order to build a healthy self-image, a child must have advisers.  That’s you, as parents, right?  Yes and no.  Many of us whose children are older can remember the first time our kids rejected our clothing picks.  For my son, it came in kindergarten when he would no longer wear the cute Osh Kosh B’Gosh overalls I’d bought because the kids called him “Farmer John.”  Bria never went through the tomboy phase I did, so our differences in taste were evident early on.  (Ironically, we shop at the same stores now and often end up with similar items! I think her taste has influence me, though, in this case.)

    It is important for our kids to have advisers besides Mom and Dad in their lives, and earlier in their lives than most parents believe.  Who hasn’t uttered something along the lines of “If your friends told you to jump off a skyscraper, would you do that, too?”?  As gifted kids and future leaders, the being able to distinguish between good advisers and bad ones will be especially important.

    Look, every kid is going to get bad advice from time to time.  A parent cannot afford to fear outside influences so much that he does not allow his child to “change with the tide.”  In other words, a parent has to recognize that some things have changed since he was a youth.  People who were “unpopular” in school often attribute that to lack of money to buy what was in.  I would counter that with what I observed.  The “popular” people I’ve seen are the ones people enjoy being around.  And people enjoy being around kids who are comfortable with who they are: rich or poor, pretty or ugly. 

    How does a child develop this healthy attitude?  It comes from listening to many advisers.  Mom and Dad share wisdom on succeeding in school.  Kids like to be around other kids who are “winning” at the game of life.  Those who are getting in trouble are somewhat shunned by the general population until high school.  Then they don’t shun them, but they also don’t pick them to be project partners or running mates.

     Fellow classmates teach them popular culture:  how to wear their clothes the “cool way,” what to watch, which bands to listen to, and what activities to join.  Teachers advice kids how to create a path to the futures they want.  Church leaders remind kids that there are others less fortunate in the world, and they advise them to leave time for helping to meet those needs. Boyfriends and girlfriends advise them how to treat the opposite sex because, up to this point, they’ve mostly been hanging out with people of their own gender.

     Truly gifted kids don’t always want all this advice.  They don’t see a need for other people’s opinions because that’s just time wasted with telling people they are wrong!  Do you know that child?  Parents of gifted kids, it is important that your child learn to accept others’ ideas.  It is also important that your children socialize.  “Gifted” and “nerd” don’t have to be synonyms!  Your gifted child is less likely to become a leader if he cannot identify with his people, and he cannot do that if he has never talked to people. 

     For that reason, it is important that you not hesitate to tell your gifted child that he is wrong when he is wrong.  He won’t die.  It’s better that he learn the rejection of a wrong answer from someone who loves him than from a world who could care less about his feelings.  Over my thirty-three years of teaching, I have taught so many incredibly intelligent kids who are absolutely clueless about social cues and trends and even common manners.  And the older they get without having this knowledge, the more cynical they come about society and its thoughts.  The divide between the gifted individual and everyone else in the world becomes insurmountable, and another potentially intelligent leader misses an opportunity to bring about real change.

     A gifted child who sits in his room on the computer all day still has advisers:  bloggers and gamers and anarchists.  These appeal to all of the ideas a gifted kid typically develops along the way.  I often find myself believing in conspiracy theories!  If these are the only advisers your child hears, though, he is going to think the whole world is against him, and he will never be an effective leader. 

    We have this school because we see a deficit in the specialized education offerings for gifted and talented kids.  We recognize the need for our most intelligent kids to become leaders.  We know that most would rather not, but we want them to leave their comfort zone and start changing the world for the better.  We do all of the things that I suggested above for parents do.  Join us in our endeavor to create our next generation of leaders.  Let your kids have play dates.  Get them off the computer and outside with neighborhood kids.  Go traveling and show them the world.  Talk with them about politics and current events.  Show them the problems the world’s leaders face and invite them to brainstorm ideas.  Your child is worth the effort! 

-          Michelle

The idea of mentorship is present in every major religion. It is also a key element of recovery and rehabilitation programs. It is a part of self-help curriculum, and it is a necessary component to receiving many forms of degrees and certifications. Strong resumes include mentorship through the format of apprenticeship or internships. We value candidates who have trained under highly esteemed scholars. Mentorship is an incredibly important part of becoming the best version of yourself. 

In our adolescence, there are constant opportunities to receive mentorship. This might come from a teacher, a pastor, a coach, a parent/family member, or a friend. As children, we are taught to be open to this mentorship. We do not yet have complex issues such as ego that can get in the way of our learning. I believe as children we need additional mentorship because we are still learning our place in the world. However, this does not mean that as adults we should be closed off to mentorship opportunities. 

Leaders need advisors to keep them on the right track. It is so easy to get too close to certain situations and miss an obvious solution. Advisors can offer an outside perspective that you might have overlooked. It is also important for leaders to have trusted mentors to turn to when they need advice. When you are making important decisions, it never hurts to get a second opinion. You need people in your life who you respect and trust. Knowing that an advisor is credible and has your best interest in mind is vital. If you have established this faith in a mentor, you can go to them with a decision in which you are acting emotionally, and they can provide you a rational solution that you can agree with. 

Leaders are the people we have chosen in society to make very important decisions. Although we believe these people to be capable, it is important that leaders have credible second opinions to support their decision making. When you are a CEO, this mentorship can come from a good board of directors. While not every board is comprised of the most credible people, good companies will work to fill their boards with competent people with industry-specific expertise. This can be a very good place for a leader to seek mentorship, as the board of directors should have a vast knowledge of the industry in which they work. Generally, these people are also older and have many years of experience. Eligibility requirements like volunteer work and charitable giving can help ensure that these people also have good intentions. 

If you do not work at a company with a board of directors, it is important to seek out your own credible advisors. As a young leader, you will need these people, as they will be the ones who help advance your career and provide opportunities for you. Later in your career, these people can support your decisions and provide advice when necessary. At any age, an advisor can expand your network, as a trusted advisor will share his or her connections with you. In business, it is very important to have a large network, and an advisor who is willing to introduce you to those in his or her network is invaluable. 

Do you have a trusted advisor in your life? If the answer is no, I encourage you to seek one. Beyond professional advice, a mentor can be a good sounding board for personal challenges as well. While it is not always easy to find a credible advisor, it is extremely important to have one. Do the work to find people who could mentor you. If you don’t know someone personally who fits this description, look online on platforms such as LinkedIn. If you find a knowledgeable person in your area with a job that you would like, send him a message and ask him to grab a cup of coffee with you. As long as you make it clear that you are not selling anything, many professionals are open to an informational interview. If you like the person’s attitude, schedule a second meeting. Eventually this relationship can grow into a mentorship if both parties are willing. If not, keep searching. Finding a good mentor is worth the effort. 

                                                                                Bria

Accepting help from advisors is a wise practice for a person to follow.  None of us see ourselves as we truly are.  Oftentimes we are shocked to hear our voice on a recording, and not recognizing it at all will ask, “Do I really sound like that?”  The voice we have heard day after day is muffled because we hear it from the inside of our body.  Just like the artist who paints a painting and, when someone offers a different viewpoint, is startled because he/she never viewed the painting that way.  The artist tends to see what he wants to see in the image…not necessarily what is actually there.

    The wisdom sayings in the book of Proverbs from the Bible teach us to listen to wise counsel and to seek wisdom when it can be found.  If we have trusted, honest, and good friends, we can ask them “How do you see me?”  They will provide feedback that may lead us to some changes in the way we do things, or they may confirm that we are someone whom they trust and respect because of the way we do things.

    The most important rule is to choose which advisors we shall listen to when advice is given to us.  Thus, “choose your friends wisely,” is a long-respected piece of advice.  Everyone has an opinion, and many are more than willing to give theirs to anyone who will listen.  Then, when we are given advice, we need to think on it and mull it over and over in our mind to see what bits of wisdom we can garner from it.

    If we remember that life is a four-sided affair: “Man must play, work, love, and worship to get the most out of life,” (Sir Wilfred Grenfell) we will realize that different kinds of advisors are necessary for each part of life.  Someone once said, “The ultimate in wisdom is to live in the present, plan for the future, and profit from the past.”  Good advisors can certainly help us with that.  The experiences of others can provide a bridge over some of life’s nastiest swamps!

    A great leader will want to surround himself with great advisors.  As Boone Pickens said, “Leadership is taking risks.”  A manager leads people, but “he endeavors to make right decisions while a leader sometimes makes questionable decisions and then makes them right.” (J.W. McLean)  So, someone who desires to become a leader must surround himself with advisors of the highest excellence.  But in today’s world, that advisor may be only a keyboard stroke or internet address away.  

-          Kay

Self--Image: Accepting Feedback

Last week we talked about how to cultivate a good self-image. While I believe it is important for everyone to have a good self-image, I think it is especially important for leaders. Over the next few weeks, we will discuss why a good leader needs a good self-image, and how possessing a good self-image can make someone a better leader. 

I think we can all agree that we should be open to feedback from those around us. People who are closed off to other’s opinions and teachings have stunted their own intellectual growth. No matter how smart you think you are, you should always be ready to learn from those around you. Each individual has a unique background with experiences that have taught him something you might not know. The smartest people are those who take in information from a diverse range of sources and collective experiences from many types of environments. 

We have all likely experienced a leader who is closed off to other’s opinions or puts too much weight in his own opinion. This person probably left a bad taste in your mouth. It’s off-putting when someone refuses to hear another person’s perspective. On the other hand, you might have also experienced a leader who listened to you as an intern or an entry-level employee, and that was a very positive and empowering experience for you. Whether or not that individual implemented your plan, the act of being open to your ideas raised your opinion of that leader and contributed to that person’s overall decision making. In some cases, these ideas can be the best ones because they come from someone who is not too close to the situation. Leaders who do not make themselves open to other’s opinions can miss these great ideas and make their employees unhappy at the same time. 

So how does this relate to self-image? Well, in some cases, a leader who doesn’t want to hear other opinions is actually just insecure and would view taking an idea from an entry-level employee as a sign of weakness or incompetence. While that individual might view making decisions on their own as a confident, strong move, it might be rubbing people around them the wrong way. Additionally, bad decisions can be made when there is no consensus on the matter. If one person makes a decision by himself, it is subject to that person’s emotions and biases. Having a good self-image will make a leader more comfortable with other’s perceptions of him and will keep him from letting ego get in the way of good decision making. Start practicing being open to other’s opinions. Right now, our nation is divided on a lot of issues. It is an easier time than ever to find someone with an opposing opinion. Don’t compromise your beliefs but use it as a training ground for hearing other people out. Developing this skill will make you a better, more well-perceived leader.

-       Bria

     I’ve been in the education field for over thirty years.  To this date, the thing with which I struggle the most still is accepting feedback.  Oh, I’m fine with accepting positive feedback.  Who isn’t?  It’s the negative feedback with which I struggle.  I actually have to pray before I open my email because I get so nervous about what I will find!

     No one likes to be told they missed the mark.  Ironically, it’s my job daily to show people where they missed the mark!  That’s what a grade or an evaluation is, right?  We accepted those as kids.  Why is it so much harder to accept negative feedback as an adult?  I believe it has to do with intent.

    When we were kids, we did a lot of acting without intent.  When we laughed at some kid, out intent was never to hurt the kid; it was to enjoy a good laugh with our friends.  It did hurt the one we laughed at, but we were too oblivious to notice.  We went to school, and we did homework, but we didn’t really worry about remembering that stuff longer than to test.  Our intentions were shallow regarding work, and we were fine with that.

   Then we became adults, and we realized that our continuation at our present job required a more intentional approach.  We poured our heart and soul into long hours on the job.  When someone gave us negative feedback, it hurt more because we had actually been trying to impress.

   Part of being gifted is desiring to make a difference in one’s world.  For this reason, gifted teens tend to complete school activities intentionally.  They have goals and standards, and they fear failing in front of people to whom they could be a model.    As parents and teachers of gifted, we have to be careful as to how we give feedback.  If our feedback does not acknowledge the hard work and intent of the activity, the gifted person is less likely to try something like this again. 

    Negative feedback has to be prefaced by a recognition of all done correctly.  Then comes a recognition of how hard it is to maintain the activity perfectly.  When we acknowledge that we know the gifted teen has put his all into something, the feedback is received more willing. 

    Sometimes, the gifted teen doesn’t want to hear negative feedback.  It is important that we develop a way to provide negative feedback without becoming threatening while the teen is young.  We’ve got to establish that success rises out of the ashes of failure, so examining our failures is a great way to grow.

    Of course, knowing the correct time to deliver this negative feedback and following up with some ideas for ways to improve are just as important.  Gifted teens sometimes think that they are “all that with a shiny red bow.”  We have to be able to break the will that keeps their egos inflated without breaking their spirits. 

    The next time you are about to offer a little negative feedback to your child, stop to consider how you would like to be told.  Paying attention to the feelings of the person receiving the negative feedback might not only net you positive change, but a feel-good opportunity as well!

                                          Michelle

Accepting feedback doesn’t come naturally to people.  We all like to think we are doing a good job at whatever task may be receiving feedback.  It often makes one feel that he is un-appreciated and taken for granted…especially when he is doing something to help others.

    In this day and time of social media quick retorts, feedback is almost a “given.”  Everyone feels it is his “right” to set others straight or to make his favorite mission known by all.  For classroom teachers, this is a new “fly in the ointment.”  Allowing others to sit in a remote place and watch a classroom and the instruction going on for a whole day is a new social strain many educators are feeling right now (myself included).  

    Probably the hardest part of this live transmission of a day’s classroom instruction is the discipline that is often necessary.  As I work with first grade children, I have to use differing amounts of and kinds of discipline all day long.  Children tend to be very self-centered since they are young and inexperienced in social situations.  Yet, in order to have class successfully, a teacher has to use various methods of discipline.  No two children are the same…thus discipline must be different.  So, as I try to teach and discipline, I am very aware of the on-looking eyes over the computer.  It is quite hard to know how a single parent or learner can understand the emotions and ramifications of the discipline required for seventeen children at a time.

    In the midst of this new “performance teaching,” technology raises its ugly head and tosses us off the Internet, or breaks up the sound, or just makes it difficult to transmit the lessons via email.  Regardless of the tech problem, precious teaching time is lost for the class as a whole.  Immediately the phone starts ringing, and my receptionist starts handling call after call of problems that parents want fixed “immediately!”  Feedback frenzy drains every ounce of energy a teacher can muster.  So, I say quite emphatically, if the Corona virus doesn’t get us…the technology will!

    Yet, let me end on a positive note.  Over the past month and a half of school, I’ve learned that life goes on regardless of the tech problems!  I have even learned to enjoy and look forward to hearing comments by one of my parents.  Maybe it is the thought that for the first time in over 53 years of teaching, I am able to allow someone else to share with me in my discipline problems, frustrations, and most joyous and often funny moments which are a part of the daily task of teaching children.  So, I look forward to seeing how the feedback affects this most unique year of a lifetime.  Together, we will overcome and survive!  

- Kay

Self-Image

Hello all. It’s been a while. I hope you are staying safe and sane during this strange time in our history. We are kicking off our next series of leadership development topics with self-image. This is a touchy subject. Many people might be feeling regret from the “quarantine 15 (lbs.),” or under-eye bags associated with pandemic related stress and sleep loss. While self-image does not refer entirely to one’s view of his or her appearance, largely appearance is what gets attributed as self-image.

In reality, self-image is composed of one’s ideas about his or her appearance, abilities, personality, skills, intelligence, etc. While the notion of “self,” in self-image implies that these opinions come entirely from your own mind and perspective, many times we allow others to influence of view of ourselves. If we have a negative self-image, that likely stems from other people in our lives who have told us that we are not smart enough, cool enough, pretty enough, etc. This could be a conscious or unconscious contribution, but generally, people who do not like themselves have been told that something is wrong with them. 

We have talked about traits such as assertiveness and confidence previously that contribute to good leadership skills. It is very hard to be assertive and confident without a good self-image. Without these vital traits, it is difficult to command respect and loyalty from employees. So how do we work on our self-image? At a superficial level, there are many ways to improve the way we feel about our physical appearance. One of the easiest ways to improve your appearance is to make sure you are wearing clothes that truly fit. The size of the clothes does not matter, as long as they fit your body correctly. So many people wear clothes that are too tight or too loose when proper fitting clothes can change one’s entire appearance. Other practices like good hygiene, clean eating, aerobic exercise, and staying hydrated can also make major physical changes. 

While these small changes might satisfy some people, others have deeper issues with self-image that cannot be fixed with a little mascara or a new pair of jeans. This is where the real work is called for. Deeper issues with self-image, in regards to one’s appearance, intelligence, personality, or otherwise, can take a long time to overcome. The first step to improving these feelings is to learn to accept yourself. This might mean cutting people out of your life who do not accept you. It could also call for a major change in your life. Perhaps you realize that you are pursuing the wrong goals, or that you are stagnant and must take additional steps to re-inspire yourself. 

The point is, improving deep issues with self-image will take hard work. In some cases, you will come to the end of what you are capable of solving and might find yourself seeking help from a loved one, friend, adviser, or therapist. This is a healthy and important practice. It will be a long process, but it is worth it to find self-contentedness. Without this, it will be hard to become a strong and confident leader. Take some time now, while travel is limited and events are canceled, to really work on your self-image. The positive effects will be life-long. 

-          Bria

A positive self-image is the first step toward reaching “the top” in life…regardless of what the end goal may be.  Without a belief in yourself, you cannot attack or conquer the obstacles that every person faces in this journey called “life.”

    “Confidence is the means by which you present yourself to the world, the continuous communication of the powerful you…Projecting confidence is largely a result of being in charge of the signals you send”  (Arleen LaBella and Dolores Leach : Personal Power).

    I am personally committed to helping our students gain self-confidence and a positive self-image because I had to deal with this aspect of my life the hard way.  I was one of the first female superintendents in our state, and I was very much aware that men did not view me or my position as very powerful.  I was also working closely with the State Department of Education in the time of a female state superintendent succeeding very popular male superintendents.  We both learned to let our actions speak for us…to walk the talk…and to produce positive results.  It was hard work, but well worth it.  Once we were finally viewed as having credibility, we were able to be on the front lines of bringing about change in education.

    I am, by nature, a quiet, reserved person.  I considered myself an introvert as a young teen and figured life would always pass by me because I grew up poor, not particularly pretty, and my parents did not even have a high school education.  Yet, when the St. Louis public schools selected me for the first class of gifted students back in the Sputnik era, my life began to change drastically!  I don’t know what my teacher(s) or principal saw in me that brought that recommendation for testing, but I shall always be grateful!

    My life changed greatly then…but I didn’t gain my confidence until I realized my worth in God’s sight.  God thought me so valuable that He laid down His life to save me.  I then adopted the Bible verse, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  I have enjoyed over fifty years of helping students gain self-confidence and reaching their life goals.  

    My first goal was to help children to feel confident by making school a place where they could laugh, work, sing, and enjoy one another.  I worked hard to remove the old mantle of “sit quietly and do what the teacher says.”  I worked to make what was traditionally a girl’s place of excitement…likewise a place where little boys could romp, explore, and investigate all the neat things of life!  I have refused to have a school environment where children could not hug their teachers and vice-versa.  And to my delight, I’ve seen confidence and positive self-esteem begin to grow.  Oh yes, there have been hits and misses.  No one has a perfect world.  With each new class of children, there are new challenges and needs to be met.  Creative problem solving has become the backbone of our school.

    As I hire teachers and replace those who move on to other places, I try hard to find those who have a personal zest for living.  I try to find those who felt a “calling” to teach…not just a “great job for hours coinciding with their children’s school days.”  It is then I start teaching and mentoring them to adopt those ways for making children feel confident and helping them to have a positive self -image.    

·          Kay

   As parents, we would all like to think that our children have healthy self-images.  If it were only we parents affecting our children’s self-image, that wouldn’t be a problem.  From the other kids at school to the voice on the other end of the video game they play on the Internet to the ads and social media that tell them how much better they could and should be, kids today get a lot of input about their self-images.  How can we as parents and teachers, help them to know what to accept and what to reject… especially when we are not always aware of all the opinions they receive?

   A person cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way he sees himself.

    This is comforting if your child is performing poorly at school, but he sees himself as a good student.  Sooner or later, he is going to seek help for why these two don’t match.  But if your poor child sees himself as a “loser,” he will not be able to consistently perform well.  This should be your first hint that there is a problem with his self-image.  It all boils down to whether your child sees himself as a deserving person or not.  Does he deserve leadership positions or good grades or to make the team?  If he has a healthy self-image, then his answer will be “yes.”  If he doesn’t make those things, he will question why and seek to fix what is wrong.  But, if he feels undeserving, he probably won’t even try to become a leader, make good grades, or make a team.  Parents, you must step in when you have a child who feels undeserving of better for himself.  There is a cause, and you must find it.  You must also work to improve his self-image with every fiber in your being. 

  Dr. Joyce Brothers was fond of saying that an individual’s self-concept is the core of his personality.  This means that every aspect of his behavior is affected by his self-image.  His ability to learn, his capacity for change, and every choice he makes regarding friends, mates, and jobs.  How important is it that your child like himself?  Immensely important! 

   So, this is your challenge for the week:  find out for sure how your child’s self-image is.  It gets harder to find out the older he gets, so don’t wait.  If we are going to help your child become the leader he needs to be, he must be able to love himself.  You love him; show him all the reasons he should love who he is as well!

-          Michelle

Summer Break

What a crazy year! This whole last quarter has been done through distance learning! It’s going to take us the summer to figure out what we’re doing next academic year! We’re also spending the summer moving into a new secondary building. Exciting times!! See you in August!

Michelle, Kay, and Bria

Parents as Teachers

   “Parents as teachers” pretty well describes life as we know it now and for the past month and a half.  In thinking about this topic, I asked my husband for some of his professional opinion about the subject from a mental health provider.  He reminded me of his analogy used over the years.

    About the time a man realizes his father is pretty wise, he has a son who thinks he is dumb or “without a clue.”  At the same time that children think their parents aren’t very smart, the parents think their kids are all gifted and can do no wrong.  These unrealistic expectations are likened to a cold front and a warm front meeting in Oklahoma during the spring.  A thunderstorm is a certainty!

    I also remember my husband telling couples that from the day of their marriage, the parents try to make the home safe and keep it together.  From the time a child is born, its one driving force is to break the tightly-knit home apart to allow its escape into freedom.  Thus, the dichotomy continues generation after generation.

    This past month and a half of distance learning in the corona virus crisis has been an eye opener for everyone.  Many families have learned the truth of the above analogies and the difficulty of parents trying to teach and work with their offspring.  Oh yes, there are always the exceptions to the rule.  Some parents are finding a new bond with their children.  Some children whose parents have both worked outside the home are suddenly finding the joy of family life as a unit.  Many families are eating meals together at a table for the first time ever.  Dinner conversations are actually taking place.  Positive effects of the quarantine are a welcome benefit.   

    However, the comments we are receiving almost daily from parents include the thanks and appreciation they feel for teachers and the work we do.  Many have become flustered as they recognize the difficulty trying to get the cooperation of their children in doing the school assignments.  Many have said teachers are worth their weight in gold for choosing the profession.  It does help us to feel good about our contribution to the world.

    We are receiving scores of virtual educational programs and packages in our spam…each claiming it has the “perfect virtual learning program” for America’s children.  Yet, everything I believe as an educator tells me no one program can “do it all.”  Each child is an individual, and as parents are discovering at home teaching their children, no two are alike.  It is this very dynamic that makes the classroom alive and exciting!  Teachers who analyze, experiment, plan and carry out teaching methods that bring student success are the key to a great education for a child.  

    My first agenda item at the close of this school year and the distance learning is to take a parent survey to get feedback about their children in this experience.  Parents know their children better than anyone else.  We can gain important insights into each child and how he or she prefers to learn.  Parents can also provide us with information about the learner that no nationally normed test can provide.  I will trust this information because this is a unique experience that we have all had in a crisis.  It will add to our curriculum models, self-esteem profiles, and achievement benchmarks.  I’m excited about getting started on this project.  But first, I must help our staff bring this school year to a successful completion.    

-          Kay

Two days ago, the parents of our community were able to breathe a sigh of relief as the final assignments of the school year were submitted. This time in distance learning has put many parents into a role that they did not expect to find themselves in. While our teachers are working around the clock to bring high-quality lessons and material to our students, the in-person aspect of teaching is not able to happen right now. Because of these strange circumstances, parents, especially parents of younger students, are having to take on additional responsibilities to ensure that their children can do their work and be successful. 

Our secondary students have more time management capabilities and technological skills that make their work easier to do independently. For our younger students, parents need to have more involvement to help the student access his or her assignments, and in some cases, further explain directions or concepts of assignments. For our working parents, this can quickly become a full-time job. Additional problems arise in the case of our students who have siblings in the home who are not being required to do the same amount of work, or in some cases, any work at all. All of this, added to the stress of being cooped up indoors together. can make a terrible concoction of emotion and stress. 

On the teacher end of this situation, we are getting anxious about having the students back in school next year and what that looks like. We are setting contingency plans into play to combat future issues with COVID, but there is a strong chance that we will be in this situation again in the future. This is an incredible unprecedented time in our history. I believe that it is teaching us that we have some very strong people in our community. We have heard from so many parents who are working full time and still making time in the day to work with their children on schooling. Additionally, we have seen our teachers learning how to use new platforms and adapting their lessons to work in an online setting. We are seeing a lot of creativity and drive from our teachers as well as our parents. In a situation like this, it truly takes a village, and we appreciate the parents working alongside us to make sure their children get the best possible education during distance learning. 

We’ve made it the end of the school year. Your kids have turned in all of their assignments, but we ask you to continue teaching your children. I know, you are tired, and you want to be done with teaching. This time indoors is bringing a lot of reconnection of families. We ask that you continue to teach your children throughout the summer. There will not be formal assignments or anything to turn in. No grades or evaluations. All we ask is that you use this time you have indoors with your children to teach them life lessons. This is a great time to work on soft skills. Teach your child compassion by being patient with the grocery store employee who is making you stand in line. Develop their social skills through video chatting with friends, family, and classmates. Teach them how to grow vegetables or cook a meal or build something from scratch. Not only will your child take away a new skill from these lessons, but it will keep them engaged and used to learning. The worst thing that could happen is that the school year ends, and our students do nothing productive or educational until August. Help us keep your kids in a cycle of growing and learning throughout the year. Teachers and parents have to work together to make truly incredible students. Stay strong and keep teaching. 

-          Bria

    When I tell people that I home schooled for three years, I always get shocked expressions and then an explanation of how they could never home school because they just don’t have the patience.  The Covid-19 pandemic has forced those same parents to somewhat home school.  Of course, they are not having to come up with the lessons or grade the difficult assignments, but they are doing the hard part of homeschooling – actually working with the kids!  It will be interesting to see how much of America’s public decides to continue schooling at home when this is all said and done.

    Parents, if you found that your kids were resistant to your teaching, please don’t feel that you failed.  Even the most experienced of teachers has troubles teaching his own kids.  Teacher by profession or not, all children remind parents that that’s not the way “their” teacher taught it!

    The first teacher in a child’s life is the parent.  There used to be a saying that half of what a person learns is learned before age 5.  I can’t find that phrase anywhere on the Internet, so it’s probably been debunked.  No one would debate the idea, though, that a LOT is learned in the first five years of life.  For most, the teachers of all that knowledge are parents. 

     Parents of gifted kids have a little tougher struggle teaching their kids than others.  This is because gifted kids already know everything!  Don’t believe me?  Just ask them!  Gifted kids get a real charge out of saying, “I taught myself.”  I was an adult before I figured out that I was not completely a self-taught pianist.  My mother was just very good at tricking me into learning.  A well-placed, “Let me show you this cool thing I taught my piano students today” would ensure that I was ready for the next hard learning.  Never mind the fact that my mother provided all of the books from which I was learning or the fact that she was teaching students in a room very near me and from which I could hear every lesson.  I was convinced I had taught myself!  And I play pretty well now.

    If you have a gifted kid, take some lessons from my mother.  Sometimes you have to “back door” the knowledge.  A lot more learning will take place in an activity than with a workbook or worksheet.  Games are great teachers for gifted kids.  When you feel that every bit of teaching brings an argument, take a different route.  Gifted kids come from gifted parents, so don’t do the gifted thing and just give up.  It’s worth putting some thought into your own childhood.  To what would you have responded?  If you can remember that and seek to employ some of the same tactics, you will find success.  Gifted kids like learning; they just like to think they are in control!  You can empower while still instructing!

-          Michelle

Diligence

     It’s been interesting to watch how the tables have shifted while learning from home during the quarantine.  Many of my usually “A” younger students are failing miserably when it comes to getting work done and in on time.  It seems that their parents trusted that they could do the work on their own since they were “A” students at school.  But many, when given the choice, chose not to follow through.  It makes me wonder why they were actually doing the work.  If they were diligent, the work would be done because a diligent person finds value in the work.  In other words, the work is good in itself.   That leads me to believe that they do the work to keep from getting in trouble. 

    How does one teach diligence?  Probably the best way is by example.  You don’t have to wait till they’ve watched you for several years, though.  Use simple lessons along the way to show how important a job well done is.  For instance, the next time your child asks you to push her in the swings, push once and sit down.  When she gripes, tell her that you did what she asked, and that’s all you are obligated to do.  Then let her know you are joking and push a while.  When you are through, ask her whether she liked it when you didn’t push her but the one time.  When she says “no,” help her to understand that diligence is following through on a job until it’s done well.  Ask her if she would rather eat food cooked by a diligent chef or one who is non-diligent. 

   This object lesson will help her understand the concept, but diligence is a learned behavior.  Too many times I see kids with no chores or responsibilities around the house.  The parents’ excuses range from “it’s just easier to do it myself” to “I have a particular way I like it, and he can’t do it that way.”  Of course it’s easier to do it yourself; of course you are probably more of a pro at it than him.  But your ease or the order of your house is not the goal; teaching diligence is.  I tell those parents who say that to me:  If you want your future daughter-in-law to like you, you better teach her husband to do something!  And I tell the kids that their mothers are crippling them so that they will stay dependent long into adulthood!  Put that way, it’s easy to see that the job of teaching diligence falls to the parents.  Those who do not learn it in childhood rarely ever learn it. 

   So, for all of your child’s future teachers, significant others, bosses, supervisors, and project partners, I say, “Teach your child diligence.”  How can having a thoughtful child for whom “doing it right” is the standard be a bad thing!

-        Michelle

At the end of any school year, it is important to talk about diligence. I believe this is even more necessary during this strange end to this school year. Typically, we see some drop off in productivity as students start to burn out from the length of the school year. This is normal. You can observe this behavior in business as well. Generally, there is a drop off in Q4 of productivity amongst employees, and then everyone takes off time for the holidays and comes back ready to take on a new year. 

Right now, the students are experiencing this feeling of racing towards a finish line while in isolation. They are not benefiting from the energy of their fellow students. They do not have the typical end of year events to get excited about. Many of our older students experience depression and anxiety, and these feelings are heightened while sheltering at home. This is why it is important to stay diligent. Grades in the last two weeks of the school year still count. There are still things to accomplish, and we all need to stay diligent to finish the year right. 

As a leader, it is important to be diligent. When people can expect diligence from you, they grow to trust you with more and more responsibility. You gain a reputation for being a reliable, hardworking individual when you are diligent with your work. This will make people more comfortable with giving you additional responsibilities and projects. Ultimately, being diligent makes you a more indispensable employee. 

We have talked about several characteristics that can help you climb the ladder towards leadership. Diligence is a very important trait to master to become promotable. People love consistent, good work. Establishing consistency and a reliable work ethic will do a lot to make you stand out from other employees and candidates. These traits make you the person that gets his or her name mentioned when directors meet to discuss which employees deserve a promotion or raise. 

Outside of the workplace, it is important to be diligent in your personal life. This consistency and commitment are necessary to accomplish your goals inside and outside of the workplace. If you have ever tried to lose weight, or quit a bad habit, or learn a new skill, you will understand that tasks of this nature require diligence. Like many of the other skills we have discussed, diligence is something that you can work on if that is not your personality naturally. 

Diligence will help you in every aspect of your life. If you do not consider yourself to be a diligent person, start working on honing these skills. A lack of diligence could be holding you back in ways that you do not even realize. Train yourself to be more diligent. Diligence is habitual, and you can establish a habit by putting in the work initially. Forcing yourself to regularly contribute towards a goal can start to develop diligence. You might even have to set an alarm or calendar reminder to do something towards a specific goal daily, weekly, or bi-weekly. This will help keep the task top of mind for you and will discourage procrastination. Whatever you can do to build diligence in your personality, starting doing it. This is the time to work on your goals. Stay sharp, remain focused, and be diligent. These efforts will take you far.

-        Bria