Initiative

    All good workers do as they’re told. That’s not initiative; that’s following directions. Initiative in leadership is finding new ways to do more. In leadership, one has to find creative new paths to accomplishing objectives and goals. For this reason, at our school, we require that our kids create daily. It’s not enough to be smart; they must know more than just a bunch of facts. 

   Even in creative classes, sometimes schools fail to actually asks kids to create. Truly creating involves finding new ways, not just doing what the teachers tells one to. Letting the kids lead in the thought behind a project?  That’s dangerous, right? Sometimes… yeah. But more often, it’s the birth of innovation.

   Lincoln Riley is the head football coach at Oklahoma University. One of the reasons he keeps having Heisman Trophy-level quarterbacks is because he likes a player with a mind of his own. Where most coaches want the quarterback to do exactly as told, Lincoln encourages his quarterbacks to assess the situation and creatively execute the solution. It’s a trust that usually pays off. 

    It took me a few years to learn to let my kids create. After all, what if they created something controversial, or worse: ugly! I’d have to hang that in my room! Why shouldn’t I just make it for them, and it would match my standard for my room. Boy, was I missing the point!

    Parents of gifted children, I encourage you to let your children be a part of creating in your household. My husband and I recently visited his brother’s house. Every year on the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, their family takes a trip with an educational emphasis. The kids are invited to make a board, touting the educational opportunities available at the place to which each wants to go. After presentations, the family votes. Pretty cool!

     That brings me to the next requirement for teaching initiative: make it real. People often give gifted kids projects that are hard and complex and… an absolute waste of time. “Figure out how much venom from a cobra it would take to kill a water buffalo.” Why?!!  

      I absolutely love BEST Robotics.  Our students have been participating in the BEST Robotics competition for fifteen years now, and this competition will stay a large part of our fall program for as long as the program exists.  The reason I love it so much is because the students are challenged to create solutions to real world problems.  We’ve helped keep electrical linemen safer, created ways for firefighters to rescue people from industrial fires, and proposed methods for cleaning the ocean garbage gyres.  My kids’ lives are changed by what they have learned.  Mine, too!  My kids convicted me to limit straw use, and I still do that two years later!

    Other school-aged robotics programs ask the kids to go on quests to bring a stolen ruby back to the pyramid or to throw a giant jack on the other team’s quadrant.  I cannot think of one real scenario for either of these.     

    If you are the parent of a gifted student, then you know that he cannot wait to grow up.  He has ideas now to fix what is wrong.  My advice is to let your child be a part of what is real.  A child is so much more equipped to problem-solve than we adults are.  We get jaded because we’ve “been there, tried that.”  But for a gifted child, all possibilities are worth trying.

   In this new year, why not try a little initiative yourself?  See if you can’t move in a different path and let your gifted kids be part of the next needed solution. 

-       Michelle

Initiative is a great topic right at the beginning of the year. In my classes with the juniors and seniors, there was an added dose of reality this first week back to school. At the top of my whiteboard is a new countdown to graduation. For the juniors, this is a countdown until they will be seniors. But for the seniors, this is a countdown to a major life change. Both classes met that number with a healthy amount of nervous energy and anticipation. 

This anxiety leads us to a discussion about preparation for major life changes. I wanted to take the time to focus these students on specific goals with actionable items that work towards the goals. I think it is important for adults to have these kinds of conversations with students, but ultimately it will be on the students to take the initiative and meet these goals. That is one of the biggest factors of initiative:  it is self-driven. 

Leaders who take initiative can be seen as bold, efficient, confident, and actionable. These are all very desirable traits for a leader to possess. A leader’s actions can set the tone for the entire organization. If the other members of the organization witness the leader constantly taking initiative and seeing success through that strategy, then those people that wish to succeed will be more likely to emulate this behavior. You can actually inspire productivity in your subordinates by taking initiative. 

Initiative is also a good skill as you work towards the leadership position you desire. This trait distinguishes leaders from followers and can make you stand out amongst your colleagues. Being in a subordinate position is part of the journey towards leadership. But for those destined to be leaders, the position as follower can be very uncomfortable. Showing initiative is a great way to distinguish yourself and to accelerate the process of climbing the corporate ladder. 

Initiative is important for those who strive for success in their future endeavors. It is a way to distinguish yourself from competitors, drive yourself towards your goals, and demonstrate responsibility and action. Some of the traits that we have discussed in this series are necessary for being a great leader. Many leaders function without honesty or character. I believe that you must take initiative to even be defined as a leader- good or bad. If you are not taking initiative, then you are not leading. Push yourself to take initiative in your daily life. If you want to be a leader, taking initiative is vital to gaining and then maintaining that position.

- Bria

    Initiative is often something I have to “gather up” when finding the time to write these blogs!  While I enjoy sharing my thoughts and experiences, I also enjoy a relaxed Sunday afternoon nap!  However, I do enjoy taking the initiative when it comes to developing new ways of educating students successfully!

    As I have mentioned before in several of these blogs, my husband has always been the risk taker in our family.  He not only takes the risks, he offers and gives support as we undertake each new venture.  Neither one of us can stand to be stagnant.  I see this trait in Michelle and Bria as well.  Much of our free time is spent in planning improvements and projects.  The draw- back is that we all have nights of “sleeplessness” because our brains won’t stop working out the plans and details.

    I believe it is no small coincidence that I have chosen to live in Oklahoma.  My husband informed me that it is the western states which have the governmental process that lets the people start petitions and “initiatives” when the local government isn’t taking the desired actions of the people.  It is this “get‘er done” attitude among other things that causes me to love this state!

    Lawton Academy is an example of what initiative can do.  The very fact that our school exists without the help and blessings of the established educational institutions speaks of the results initiative can bring. Oh yes, risking and initiating something outside the box takes great commitment and faith.  What makes it all possible is our “belief system.”  It is far easier to take risks and to put in all the time and effort when you know in your heart that it is needed, it is possible, and it will benefit others.

    My first-grade class is beginning to take their first steps in independence as they write their own compositions which will be graded.  Some have already taken the initiative and drawn and written “love posters” for our class pet, Joey the parakeet.  It is my duty now to help them use that creative initiative in the regular academic pursuits.  Some will be quite successful, while others will need my prodding and encouraging.  But isn’t that life in a nutshell?  Leaders usually take the initiative while followers often have to be encouraged and prodded!    So, I am witnessing the birth of some of the leaders of tomorrow!  How lucky I am to be a teacher! 

-       Kay

Generosity

The New Year and new decade are upon us. We have survived the holidays again, and now we have a chance to take a deep breath, reflect on accomplishments and hardships of the previous year, and look toward future goals, events, and excitement. The “New Year, New Me” mentality encourages us to forget what happened in the previous year and look solely towards the future. In many ways it can be positive to put the past behind you and go boldly towards a better tomorrow. One thing that we shouldn’t forget is the mindset of the giving season and the concept of generosity. 

We end each year with a season of joy, good will, and giving back. It is a beautiful time when we open our hearts and wallets to a variety of needs and charities. Generosity is encouraged and reinforced, and that generosity gives organizations and individuals the resources and ability to make positive changes throughout the year. Think of the impact that could be made if this generosity was more consistently given year-round. 

When we think of generosity, it is generally in the sense of philanthropy and charity like in the example above. But kids learn kindness and generosity in their school and at home during the formative years. Beyond the obvious positive effects of generosity, many studies have found that being generous can reduce stress, enhance one’s sense of purpose, fight depression, and even lengthen one’s lifespan. But how do we teach our children to be generous?

In our youngest children, one of the best ways to teach generosity is to model generosity. Children mimic the actions of the adults in their lives. Whether you like it or not, your children are watching you, and they are picking up on your mannerisms and habits. If you want to raise a generous child, lead by example and let him witness his parents acting generously. 

Another easy way to teach children generosity it to push your child into roles that demand hospitality. Invite other kids over for a play date. Force your child to share his space, toys, pets, food, and home with another child. This will put your child outside his or her comfort zone. The reaction will either be to throw a fit or adapt and be generous to his guest. If you do not receive the desired reaction, correct your child with your preferred type of punishment, redirection, or encouragement, and steer him in the direction of generosity. 

Older children are more able to participate in generous acts. Plan a day for your family to volunteer at the local soup kitchen or blood bank. Or sponsor a child in an underprivileged area and ask your child to contribute a few dollars of his or her monthly allowance. Giving your children the opportunity to play an active role in generous giving will empower them to continue to pursue these opportunities as adults. 

Generosity is a trait that is objectively good for the generous person and the people that will benefit from that person’s generous actions. Learning generosity is something incredibly useful for your children as they grow up and take on leadership positions. We will continue to reward and acknowledge generosity in your children to positively reinforce this behavior. To be truly successful, you also need to expose your child to generosity as he grows up. These actions in tandem will contribute to making your child a generous adult. 

-          Bria

    Generosity is a trait that great leaders often exhibit, but it seems to be in short supply these days.  I will admit that the recent terrorist activities and hate crimes across the world have brought about a “caring side of mankind” which has been lacking in the past decade or so.

It seems I’ve noticed the decline in generosity ever since Madonna sang, “Material Girl.”  But I have noticed the last generation is more willing to reach out to help others and to call for more interaction for those in greatest need.  That’s a good sign!

    We don’t teach much about generosity anymore in schools, homes, and even in church.  Yet, I learned about it as a child in all those places.  In fact, I was just remembering great hymns I learned in church as a youth which are no longer sung in our church services.  They taught me about the wonderful promises of God for an abundant life.  One of my favorite songs had the following chorus line, “showers of blessings” throughout it.

    Proverbs tells us about how to have a successful life.  Those teachings also tell us that a generous man will have a prosperous life.  Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”  Then in Proverbs 8:27-18 wisdom says, “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.  With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity.”

    I’ve claimed many of these promises during my life as a Christian, and I am living proof that they are true.  Yet, we have a generation of young people who believe they will never be able to prosper at the level of their parents.  Many of these youth give up what I knew as the American dream.  How sad!

    “Life tends to come easily for Americans.  As a result we lose respect for property, which, in turn, lowers our response ability in stewardship. (Nathan L. Stone)  Peter Wyden gave three reasons “for our sometimes casual attitude toward money in his book, Suburbia’s Coddled Kids:

    First, “The Joneses do it!” 

    Second, parents are determined their children should not have it as “hard” a childhood

as they did.

    Third: money is a relatively easy way to satisfy children’s wants when compared to time and attention.”

 

    The results of the above situations is that these children tend to grow up to be selfish and greedy rather than generous themselves.  Therefore, to change our nation’s bent toward selfishness, we must teach our youth to think of others as they think of themselves.  We must model the generous behaviors and be proactive in speaking to our children about caring for the needs of those less fortunate.    Kay

     I came to the conclusion many years ago that my husband and I will never be super rich.  Oh sure, compared to much of the world, we already are super rich.  I’m talking about millionaires.  The reason I reached this conclusion is because, no matter how much we get, we always buy something more for the school!  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not griping.  I’m thankful to have money to make ideas a reality.  I just don’t think we are the kind of people to amass riches for ourselves.  My dad used to joke when we’d take a vacation, “How are you enjoying your inheritance?”  I have carried on that same joke.  The way I see it, I can spend the money now making a memory with my children, or I can store it away so that they will have an inheritance, and who knows whether it will be used wisely or not.  The memory is worth much more to me!

   Children are generous at different stages in their lives… just about as many stages as those at which they are selfish.  The key to helping your child experience more generosity than selfishness is pointing out the good feelings and the good results of the generosity.  If you teach your child to give coins in the Salvation Army bucket every Christmas, but you never show him what those coins do, you’ve made a memory, not an instance of generosity.  It is important to teach our kids how valuable the gifts of time and funding can be to helping others. 

   We actively teach philanthropy at our school.  If these kids are being trained to be future leaders, they must learn generosity.  I think the buzz word in business now is corporate social responsibility.  I am so very pleased that most corporations support paying it forward, making sure that they lessen their carbon footprint, volunteer in the community and fund issues important to their clients.

    What in traditional education teaches us to think of others?  We compete in grades and sports and fine arts, trying our hardest to make sure we stand out more than our peers so that we can get better opportunities that should lead to a better job.  That was training for the way corporate America used to think.  If the schools are going to train students for the present work world, they are going to have teach these kids corporate social responsibility now.  One way to do that is to make sure the kids are being philanthropic.

   Examples of opportunities to be generous that we give our students (some of which they came up with) are:  Operation Christmas Child (the kids fill a shoe box with toys for a specific gender and age; the box goes to a child in a third-world country for Christmas); blood drives, disaster relief fundraisers, and most recently, giving gift cards and favorite snacks for the homeless teens in our public school district.

  A great time to start your child thinking generously is right after Christmas.  Everybody’s generous at Christmas.  But what happens to hungry families after everyone stops doing massive numbers of food drives and feedings?  Volunteering at a soup kitchen or even offering to wash and fold donations to a center are great ways to teach generosity.  Even easier than that, do what I used to do with my kids.  For every new toy they got for Christmas, they had to donate one of their own toys (still in good condition) to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.  Once I explained how parents could buy those toys for their children a lot cheaper than at retail, my kids were happy to donate, and they realized how many toys just sit there because they grew bored with them.  I’ve always felt that something stored for over a year (excluding seasonal items) probably isn’t being used.  I could continue to store it, or I could let somebody use it. 

    Be sure to help your child learn how to be wise in his philanthropy, of course, but teach him nonetheless to be generous.  Nothing’s worse than dealing with an adult who still thinks like a selfish child.

-          Michelle

Focus

The holidays are arguably the busiest time of the year across the board. In general people could be shopping, decorating, baking, hosting parties, attending parties, playing secret Santa, playing white elephant, hosting guests, being guests, buying gifts, wrapping gifts, participating in religious celebrations, giving to charity, volunteering, visiting family, trying to find gifts for that family member you know nothing about, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking, taking family photos for holiday cards, remembering last minute that your child is supposed to bring something to his classroom holiday party that is tomorrow…..FOCUS! The expectations that the holidays bring can easily send you into overdrive. It’s likely that you are experiencing a majority of the items listed above while also trying to continue your normal working routine. November and December are a race to the finish line, and it can be easy to lose sight of what is really important. 

Focus is something that is so important for children. As attention spans are getting shorter and more and more children manifest as ADD/ADHD, it is so important to focus on focus. I am not someone that has been diagnosed as ADD, but I relate to many of the symptoms. I have an incredibly short attention span that often prevents me doing activities that take a lot of focused attention. If I am reading a book, it takes me so long to finish it because I cannot always focus my brain to actively listen to the words I am reading. Similarly, I have a really hard time sitting through a movie that is more than 90 minutes. While I acknowledge these issues with myself, I am actively working to strengthen my ability to focus. 

One thing that has been helpful for increasing my focus is meditation. To some people, the idea of meditation can be unappealing because of various stigmas and connections to certain religions. There are so many types of meditation that are not the stereotypical version of what

many people think of when they hear that word. One type that I think is incredibly useful for focus is a guided meditation body check. This prompts you to focus on every individual part of your body. Look at your breathing, is your heart rate elevated for any reason? Think about your spine, how is your posture right now? Focus on your arms, are you feeling any pain in this area? This generally ends with a few minutes of quiet as you focus on your breathing. This doesn’t sound like much but taking even four minutes to be alone and mindful with myself can help me focus more throughout the day. Meditation is also a practice; as you meditate more, you can start to access those feelings throughout the day if you feel your mind start to wander. 

Another way to develop your focus is by taking on an activity that requires precision. Many of our students participate in archery. This sport requires attention to detail and focus to be successful. The level of discipline and awareness that archers need to be successful is incredibly helpful in developing focus in our children. If you child is not interested in sports, other precise activities like needlepoint can similarly develop his ability to focus. 

It is a busy time of year, and it is easy to get distracted by everything that the holidays bring. Over-committing and doing too much can take our eyes off of our personal goals, our work, and our families. This December, let’s try to focus on the things that matter. Throughout the next year, find an activity that increases your level of focus. 

-          Bria

 

    Focus is an easy subject to address since I must be guilty of using that word at least twenty times a day with my students.  It appears to be a mysterious goal which is at present an unattainable treasure.  Yes, I am taking into consideration the young age of my first graders and their level of expected thinking skills.  However, based upon my past experience with teaching first graders, today’s children have far less ability to focus on a task at hand in school than my previous students.

    I am aware that gifted children love to “think” and create in their imaginations.  However, at some point, they must be able to “focus” on the task at hand.  Yes, many children who are exceptional can multitask.  Yet, what I am observing today is an inability of these students to organize their thinking into any discernable form.  As they write words, sentences, and answers to problems, they often leave unfinished thoughts, words, and sentences.  When I ask them to read over their writing with me, they don’t even seem to notice these unfinished thoughts.

    My husband and I often comment that advertising on TV is a lot like the thinking and focusing patterns of our students.  Scene upon scene jumps from one to another faster than a person can read the type on the screen.  The scenes may or may not have any common thread running through them.  “What was that all about?” is a question we often ask each other.

    I often think perhaps our students are becoming more and more hyperactive due to the many chemicals to which they are being exposed everyday of their lives.  But I do have a few, a precious few, who are able to focus 95% of the time on school tasks without any problems.  How can they accomplish this when the vast majority cannot?  I do not have the answers, but I do have some thoughts to consider.

    The “focusing” students I am working with seem to have a few common traits:  they are usually quiet in class.  While others are talking, playing with pencils, watching other students, these “focused” children are attending to my every move, word, and demonstration.  So, I do wonder if perhaps their parents took the time to converse with them, to listen to their questions and stories, and asked questions and welcomed their opinions.  Having their ideas valued by the parents may cause them to repeat their efforts to be “plugged in” to the world around them.

    Maybe the unfocused children are used to waiting for their parents to stop phone conversations…keeping themselves occupied as best as they can.  Maybe these students don’t receive opportunities to discuss their ideas or to feel their input is valued.

    I do know that other children are so focused upon their own wants, needs, and desires that they act as if no other student is present in our classroom.  These students talk over others, never wait for their turn to speak, and demand the teacher’s attention by yelling out to the teacher to call upon them.  

    So many of our students in schools everywhere are taking ADHD prescriptive drugs, that I am surprised we still have such focusing issues.  However, we don’t seem to be winning the battle for their minds.  

    I know that leadership focusing skills entail much more than what I am trying to teach my students.  But we are going to have to solve these basic focusing skills in everyday tasks for leaders of the future to have a task force with which to work.  

    Parents can help us with these little ones by not ignoring their children’s questions…or by giving adequate explanations rather than a quick “brush-off” answer.  Parents can begin to stop repeating directions over and over for their children.  That causes poor listening skill development.  Asking children to repeat directions given to them before actually trying to do the requested action would also help students learn to focus on what is being said.

    If students are trying to do their homework while watching the TV or listening to music with vocals, put a stop to that practice.  Once they become able to carry out a task easily with one request or explanation, they might gradually add background music.

    In these early years of learning, we work toward “automaticity” in student skills.  Once a program is set in his brain’s memory paths, the person is better able to multitask and have positive success.              

- Kay

    If I were just writing about focus in general, it would be easy to join the chorus of adults who say that kids cannot focus very long anymore.  But, our topic is not focus in general.  It’s the focus required for leadership.  That’s an entirely different topic.

    Focus is very key to leadership.  Leaders have to keep focused on a goal, they have to keep their team focused on the right vision, and they themselves have to focus on the most pressing concerns.  It is very easy to let every distraction take one’s focus from the mission.  Great leaders do not let the distractions become obstacles.

    Easy to say; not so easy to practice.  The first semester goes so quickly at our school.  There are so many events that we barely have time to finish one before we are heavy into the next.  Around Christmas, though, the reality that parent/student/teacher conferences are around the corner starts to hit, and students suddenly become focused on their grades.  Where diligence has not occurred, students are quick to find others to blame.  It becomes very hard for me to keep my focus on the goals because I am always blown away at the lengths to which a gifted child will go not to be responsible for his own actions.  Even more disturbing is the parent who helps him. 

    In my perfect school, parents, students and I discuss areas that need improvement at our conference, and everyone works to help the student improve in that area.  I do not understand the idea that an area that needs improvement counts as a failure, and I especially don’t understand the parent who thinks his child needs no improvement.  We all need improvement.  I personally have such a long way to go to really be great at my job, my marriage, my life. 

    When I get frustrated that my goals have been sidelined, I try to re-establish my focus.  A pitcher is taught to see only the catcher’s glove.  He is to let all the fans, the batter, the umpire, the noise all go out of focus, and he is to concentrate on that glove.  (Remember Bull Durham?)  My focus is on what I am to teach each child who comes to Lawton Academy and what I am to learn form him/her.  It is on what I need to do to help the parents of Lawton Academy raise gifted kids.  And it is on how I can help those who choose to teach gifted kids be better equipped and feel supported as they do so. 

    We are about to enter a period of rest across the country.  Everyone takes at least a little time off around the holidays.  I would encourage your family to sit down and re-examine your focus for the year.  If your focus is on the bad around you, your year will be bad… I promise.  But if you put your focus on the good you can do and the changes you can make, it’s amazing how much better the year goes. 

    As parents of gifted kids, we simply must teach our kids to focus on the positive.  Intuitively, gifted focus on the negative:  where they’ve let others down, where others have disappointed them, why life is not fair, how come they cannot correct injustices.  For this reason, many gifted teens are prone to depression.  It is your job, Parents, to help your children see the bright side of things and to help them realize that there are just some problems that we will never fully solve.  If you spend your evenings bewailing the conditions around your child with him/her, your child will learn that life is awful and not fair, and he will most likely experience depression.  But, if you teach your child to use adversity to fuel his action in a positive way, I cannot promise depression still won’t come, but you’re more likely to have a kid who will talk to you or seek help when it does. 

There’s a reason the greatest thinkers have told us to “begin with the end in mind,” “press onward toward the goal,” and “think what you want your epitaph to be.”  If we “keep our eye on the ball,” we will be successful leaders.

-          Michelle

Discernment

    I usually hear the word discernment at church. Our Sunday School teachers tell us not to judge, but instead we are to discern. This is particularly odd since the definition literally is the ability to judge well!  In Christian contexts, though, it is the ability to perceive what is not easily seen. That’s a pretty good skill, whether you’re Christian or not!

    A leader definitely has to practice discernment. As a principal, I am constantly being brought issues that require I determine guilt, punishment, and compensation. If I just believe immediately what is reported, I usually end up apologizing because I have not investigated. The discerning leader knows that there are always three sides to a story: one person’s side, the other person’s side, and the truth.

    I have learned to watch eyes for evidence of accessing memory or accessing a potential lie. I can discern the subtle body movements of someone lying as opposed to someone being honest with me. I still miss sometimes, though!

    Discernment is not something one can develop overnight. It takes many experiences to be able to discern probable issues and outcomes.

    Parents of gifted., you should know now that your child will have a tendency toward lying… or embellishing, if you will. Often, the intent is not to deceive; it’s simply because they can! It’s more creative… not as boring as the real reason. 

     It is very important that you learn your child’s “tell” as quickly as possible.  Almost nothing is more dangerous than a gifted kid who knows he can get away with lying. When finally discovered, I have seen the trust relationship between parent and child dwindle to nothing. Once a parent establishes that lying is not an option, the gifted child can use his creativity in other more productive ways.

      The other thing equally important to discern is your child’s mental health. Gifted are prone to depression. It is vital that you be discerning when you converse. Look for reasons for odd behavior. Be open and honest and let your child know your concern. Often, your child will appreciate the help in figuring out what is making him sad.

     Teaching discernment to our kids is a lost art. Maybe it’s due to the dwindling family discussion time. I don’t know. Parents, it is your job to train your kids to be discerning adults, and the only way that can happen is if you explain your discernment. Your experience can teach almost as well as their own personal experiences. Don’t skip this. It’s important.

      In a day of impulsivity, teaching your child to stop and ponder before making a move might just set him up to be a fantastic leader!

         Michelle

 

    Discernment means having the ability to perceive the qualities of something or having the ability to judge something well.  The older I get, the more I find I have pretty good discernment about some of the issues of life.  I think the Bible chalks it up to wisdom.  I do believe that experience is a very profound teacher if one chooses to learn the lessons of life.

    I have been thinking a lot about discernment for the past two months…unaware that it would soon be a topic on this blog.  What has caused this line of thinking?  It may be that I am perplexed at things I see occurring in today’s world.  Then, I start thinking of past experiences and lessons learned, and wisdom passed on to me.  It then becomes second nature to me to want to pass along this information to the younger generation of parents and children.  Therefore, I want to pass along this vital information issued by the Police Department of Houston, Texas, reprinted in NSSA Link, Nov. 1963.

            “Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children”

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants.  In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him.  This will make him think he’s cute.  It will also encourage him to pick up “cuter” phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.

3. Never give him any spiritual training.  Wait until he is 21 and then let him “decide for himself.”

4. Avoid use of the word “wrong.”  It may develop a guilt complex.  This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything he leaves around – books, shoes and clothes.  Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on.  Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized but let his mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children.  In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

8. Give a child all the spending money he wants.  Never let him earn his own.  Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort.  See that every sensual desire is gratified.  Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen.  They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”

12. Prepare for a life of grief.   You will be likely to have it.

 

    As I have mentioned many times in these blogs, I can see patterns in the lives and choices of students.  To me, the greatest frustration of a teacher is to watch students discard the warning signals we try to teach them, and to choose the paths of misfortune that many of our previous students also took.  Thus, I do all I can to teach students and parents to have a discerning spirit when it comes to the grand issues of life.  I hope I am successful with most!    Kay

Courage

If you are someone in my age group or someone that raised someone in my age group, you likely remember the show “Courage the Cowardly Dog.” This was a strange show on Cartoon Network about a little purple dog that lived with an elderly couple in the middle of nowhere. The dog would frequently encounter aliens, ghosts, monsters, and bad guys. His owners had a great unawareness to the majority of these run-ins, so Courage took on the responsibility of dealing with these unwanted guests. At the shows start, we see Courage nervous, shaking, and terrified, but as the show progresses Courage is repeatedly put into situations in which he must be courageous rather than cowardly, and in turn he eventually evolves into a more courageous character. 

 

When talking about the idea of courage, I believe that we have a lot to learn from that little purple dog. Many people think that you are born with courage. That might be true to some extent, but we all come into this world crying. Nobody is born a super confident and courageous person; these traits must be developed. In the instance of Courage the Cowardly Dog, he learns to be courageous by constantly having to step up and face his fears. I’m not saying that we should all be fighting ghosts and monsters to build up our courage, but I do believe in pushing yourself and doing things that scare you. 

 

Courageous leaders drive change in their organizations. They seek, receive, and integrate feedback. They communicate directly. They make decisions that have an element of risk. They hold people accountable. Courage is a very desirable trait in a leader. Some leaders will come by courage naturally, but many must develop courage over time. For the latter, those people need to be conscientiously developing this trait. If you are not pushing yourself and doing things that scare you and getting outside of your comfort zone, you will not become a courageous person. 

What have you done lately to build your courage? When is the last time you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? We are coming up on a time of the year where you have more time off. I encourage you to use a portion of this time to try something new. This may be an activity, or a type of food, or even traveling somewhere that you have never been. This action is beneficial for many areas of your personality including curiosity and competence. It will also be a step towards becoming a more courageous leader and person. Be courageous; go do something that scares you today. 

-       Bria

    Courage is a quality that leaders must have.  It is not just a flippant answer to say that “It’s lonely at the top.”  Being at the head of an organization, a business, or any new venture means that the ultimate responsibility of anything going wrong lies at your door.  I spent much of my years as a public-school administrator asking myself what I would or should do in any given situation which might present itself to me.  I’d like to have the lost hours of sleep back again.  However, I was indeed fortunate that I was able to meet the few crises which confronted me with success. Would I like to relive those years?  Absolutely not!

    My husband and I have both started business ventures in the midst of our friends telling us we were making a mistake to try.  One of my husband’s coworkers even told him he was just “lucky” that his successful mental health practice worked out successfully for the thirty years or so he had it.  His supervisor with his government job told him he would not be able to succeed and was making a big mistake.  I didn’t have coworkers trying to discourage me, but I did receive hate mail and death threats because I would dare open a private school.

    I think one thing that helped us both was our faith in God and years of seeking to do what we felt God calling us to do.  As it says in Psalms, “If you put God first in your life and seek to do His will, He will direct your paths and crown your every effort with success.”  Jim and I are living proof of that promise.

    Brent Easton, one of our school parent/patrons made one of our favorite comments when he said, “Congratulations, Johnson, you’re an overnight success…and it only took twenty years to do it!”  I think that pretty well sums it up in reality.  Courage to step out in faith, knowing we were going to be a positive contribution to our Lawton community, and facing all matters with constant prayer helped us to make this Lawton Academy a reality.  I readily admit that Jim’s courage and his willingness to be a “risk-taker” made up for my tendency to “play it safe.”  Together, we have made a pretty good team for helping our community to have some choices about education…especially for motivated and gifted students.

    I am thankful that Jim helped encourage me because it isn’t an easy task to build an educational institution without a single penny of government funds, tax exemptions, etc.  It takes courage to stand for what you believe.  I tell people that there will always be someone who disagrees with me and my educational ways, because I stand for something.  If I didn’t make a stand and instead swayed with what was comfortable, I would stand for nothing.  Yes, I will ruffle some feathers…but I am always open and honest about the things for which I stand.  I think that is courage.      Kay

    The definition of courage changes depending upon the definer. Some of our current political figures and junior high kids in general seem to agree on this definition: Courage is calling someone out for his mistakes publicly. Daredevils call courage the next bigger feat. I think Anya in Frozen II gave a great definition, although I’m not sure it was courage that she was specifically defining: Do the next right thing.

       A leader is scrutinized… repeatedly… every decision, every word, every move. My grandmother used to point out that Christians listen to the sermon and then come home and roast the preacher! I have always said that someone who desires to be the President of our nation has to be a little bit nuts. Why else would one invite such public scrutiny into his life and the lives of his family?  So, why then would anyone choose to be a leader? Sometimes because it IS the next right thing. 

      Courage is recognizing special vision or talents or insight one possesses and then offering them in service. Courage is not quitting when criticized. Courage is choosing to ignore the hurtful words of others and just do your job. Courage is allowing others to grow in their wisdom as well. 

      These traits are so much harder to develop than the definitions at the top. Sure, it takes a lot of courage to be a dare devil. But, let’s face it, many dare devils love the adrenaline rush… so it doesn’t take as much courage for them as it does for a regular person. A courageous dare devil would be someone willing to call off the stunt because the risk is too high (due to weather conditions, etc.). That’s a giant risk. People might call him a chicken. But those same people would call him an idiot if he risked and lost his life or endangered others. Courage is recognizing that audiences are fickle and doing the next right thing.

      One of the signs that a child is gifted is his intense fear of failure. For that reason, many gifted kids will not try new things. The risk of failure is just too high. We make our students try new things, and we tell them that it’s a safe place to fail. Failure is not the enemy. In fact, greatness is often born out of failure. The more the kids try, the more courageous they become. Parents, you can build courage in your gifted child by making them do some things. I know everybody loves the characterization of Sheldon on Big Bang Theory as the gifted person who will only do things his way. I, too, enjoy the character, but as a teacher of gifted, I feel his parents totally created a monster. Do not give in to the fears of your gifted child. My students and I have often discussed how irrational our fears are. We’re not afraid of playing chess against a college professor. Instead, we’re afraid of sharks in our pool or the monster under our bed (the one we can easily defeat by just keeping our toes under the blanket!). So, Parents, if our fears are irrational, how are you going to reason with us? Make us do it. If it goes well, we might try it again. If it doesn’t go well, make us know that we are in a safe place to fail and move on. You might be surprised what we will and can do! And if we can’t do it, have the courage to let us fail. That takes real courage!

-       Michelle

Thanksgiving

Hi, All! Since we are tying our blog to the leadership lessons we’re doing with the kids and teachers at school, we will not have a blog this week. I did want to share with you a couple of neat comments from the kids regarding the last few blog topics. My favorite was when a child was leading others to make wrong choices at recess. One of my second graders said, “Yeah, he’s developing his charisma for the wrong side.” The wisdom of kids! My teachers have spoken often of kids reminding each other to develop character, and we were able to show our students this last week that demonstrating competence in lots of areas is actually their job as students. I love how this is going!

We’ll be back Sunday with the next leadership trait on which we will work. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Competence

Earlier in the series, I asked you to think about the best leader you’ve ever worked under. Now I want you to think about the worst leader you ever worked under. What made this person so bad? Aside from potential moral conflicts, it was likely that that person was not competent enough to lead your team. 

We have all experienced a time when we felt that someone in a position of power over us was incompetent. You might have also experienced feeling like you were smarter than your superior, or better suited for his job. This is not a good feeling, and it does not give you confidence in your job or the company you work for. In times of need, we look to our leaders to guide us in the right direction. If this person doesn’t have the wherewithal to give us this guidance, should he really be the person in charge?

Nowadays it is more of a standard that professional workers are required to have higher education. In decades past, a postgraduate degree would set you aside from other candidates. Now a Masters degree is necessary for many functions of working in the corporate world. This means that expectations are higher than they have ever been. We are working every day to train up the next generation of leaders. With modern standards, the job is harder than it used to be. Not only must that person be qualified, they must also be competent in a variety of circumstances and challenges.

I truly believe that the more we can do to provide our students with diversified experiences, the better off they will be as leaders. Knowing how to react to many different scenarios and maintain composure is extremely valuable. Experiences give people the street smarts that are so valuable in addition to book smarts. If you have a child that aspires to be a leader but is not involved is extra-curricular, student organizations, competitive sports or clubs, etc., he needs to seriously rethink his actions. Not only do these activities bolster a resume and college applications, but they also give students important experiences that will inform their future leadership abilities. If your child wants to be a leader, make sure he is involved in these activities during Jr. High and High School. 

-          Bria

Competence as the subject of today’s blog is rather ironic since my computer cannot access my Internet connection at the moment.  My husband and I have been trying for two days now to solve the problem with no luck at all.  However, unlike many people today, I gladly admit my incompetence with most computers and cell phones.  I am not ashamed that I refuse to update and buy the latest versions of whatever technology is offered today.

    I am, however, competent in the work that I do.  I am able to converse with people, find valuable information, and exist quite well side by side with my “techy” counterparts.  Oh yes, it might take me a little longer, but I can produce excellence.  

    As a leader, I find that I must keep improving to do a good job as a leader.  My experience has shown me that from the first moment I became a leader, someone was always pushing to replace me in my leadership position.  When I was able to achieve awards of excellence, someone was right there to prove to me that they knew more than I did.  Even in workshops where I was presenting, I could always count upon one or two audience members who tried to monopolize the question part of my presentation to show how they could do the same thing in a better way.

    I guess the incidents I’ve mentioned are living proof that a leader must continue to improve and must always accomplish more “than the average bear!”  Our whole accreditation process with North Central is about continuous progress.  In fact, that is what learning is all about…continually progressing toward new levels of thinking, new inventions, new experiences, and developing new concepts.  Truly, isn’t this one of the ways that differentiates man from animals?

    I expect my first-grade students to develop competence in their reading, writing, listening, math, and speaking skills.  Every day we hone these skills until they are automatic.  Without that level of competence, students will have a difficult time advancing their knowledge base.  We first grade teachers have a very big task placed upon us.  It is usually in our classes that poor vision or hearing problems are detected.  We are usually the ones who suspect or discover possible learning disabilities in a child.  We take our teaching task very seriously since we are laying the foundation for that child’s life during that first year of formal instruction.

    Unfortunately, over the past thirty years, we have witnessed classrooms all over our country fall short in competence in teaching reading, writing, and math skills.  Too many teachers did not themselves receive proper instruction in phonics and therefore could not help their students.  Now we see such lack of competence paired with greater emphasis on Internet activities weaken the language and reading abilities of students.

    My job as leader of our school is to train new teachers in the ways of excellent education so we may continue to offer our students an excellent education.  I also must keep abreast of new research and studies that have a proven track record of improving student success.  This is no problem for me since I love reading about learning, thinking, and educational methods.  Now as to the computer competence I mentioned at the start, I will trudge on…learning what is necessary to keep up with my staff! (I didn’t say I would like it!  My old computers and phones are familiar friends to me…I hate to just abandon them because a new kid is on the scene!)     

- Kay

    For the first ten years or so of our school’s existence, we spent a lot of time trying to prove that we were competent.  At that time, there were no accreditation options that we found competent enough to pursue.  We told potential clients that we were accredited by results.  And our results were good.  We were building a quality program.  We worked extra hours, sought improvement in every area, followed through with the programs that worked, and accomplished more than anyone expected we could.  When God finally opened the door to accreditation through the North Central Association, Commission on Accreditation and School Improvement (NCA CASI)/AdvancEd, an agency who accredits private and public schools all over the region, we were excited to score really well in our review for acceptance.  Flash forward nine years, and we were winning an award for being the school in Oklahoma that most exemplifies the ideals and virtues of AdvancEd.  

    A lot of traits can help a person become a leader, but competence keeps him in leadership. Followers want to know their being led in the right direction.  I remember when the focus shifted from “we’re lucky to have people sending their kids to our school” to “people are lucky to have our school.”  Our measure for this change was the amount of aspects for which we had to apologize.  (“Sorry. We can’t do that yet.”) Our only apologies at this date are for the lack of space since we’re growing, lower teacher pay than their public-school counterparts, and not having a big enough high school to offer team sports or a full orchestra yet. We have a plan to remedy these in near future. 

   Now in our twentieth year, we have become the school in which to be in our area.  It took a long time to gain the reputation, but we are happy that all of our hard work has paid off.  We are competent educators, and our students’ accomplishments and tests scores prove it.

   Our goal for our students is that they become competent leaders themselves.  This requires that they not only be competent in their studies, but also that they become competent in the soft skills required for success in any jobs for which they might apply.  This is the one place I love social media.  Within a day of each display of competence, our families see the child and know of his accomplishment.  In fact, one of the comments from our evaluators in our recent five-year accreditation review was that our awards are celebrated daily (as opposed to some “big win from ten years ago” being the focus of the school).

    As I’ve mentioned a couple of times in this piece, we just had our five-year accreditation review two months ago.  We’ve not seen our scores yet, but in the final meeting with our evaluators, we got the idea that they were extremely good.  The only concern they had was that we were not training our staff enough on what we as a family do to make this school so successful.  Good point.  We’ve been working ourselves to the bone to become the most competent educators around, but we’ve forgotten to make sure all of our teachers are competent in our methods.  Challenge accepted!  In fact, these last five TriOpinion topics (and the next sixteen) are all part of our school-wide (teachers, students, and parents) study of indispensable leadership traits.  It is our goal to make sure that our leaders, our leaders-in-training, and our parents of our leaders-in-training all understand what makes a competent leader.  It’s exciting to hear first graders speak about character and have a fourth grader say, “I’m just working on my charisma!”                       

                                                                                      - Michelle

Communication (in Leadership)

     As a leader, if you can figure out how to effectively communicate with your employees, clients, constituents, or stakeholders one hundred percent of the time, you have found the Holy Grail.  Bottle it and sell it immediately!

     Communication actually isn’t hard at all.  We are communicating even when we aren’t talking.  Our followers watch our body language, our facial expressions, what we are doing… anything to get a clue of what we are thinking.  There are no moments off when in public.  Effective communication is what leaders desire, though, and it’s a little more difficult to achieve. 

    I will send out an email to explain a new procedure at our school, and I get five emails back, either correcting me or asking for clarification.  I send another email with clarification and any needed corrections, and I get two back telling me that no clarification was needed!  If I were to employ the device that lets me know who read my emails, I would probably find that only those seven people actually opened my email.  Lol!

   Transparency in the workplace is vital to good relations, and it is manifested through communication from the leadership.  I seek to be very transparent, and most of the time, the benefits are great.  Sometimes, though, I run the risk of tiring everyone with so much communication.  I’m always afraid, though, that the one time I don’t share exactly what I’m thinking will be the one time that makes everybody mad because they don’t understand my intent.  So, I write… and I leave it up to the parents to decide if they want to know the “why” or not.

    According to John Maxwell in his book The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader, this may be where I am making a mistake.  He says that when communicating, I should simplify the message, see the person, show the truth, and seek a response.  Obviously, I could use some work on the “simplifying” part, and I am seeing the “person” (although “the person” is about three hundred parents of students as young as three and as old as eighteen).  I always relay the truth.  That’s the point of transparency. But I am not necessarily seeking a response. 

    Well… that’s not completely true.  If I write to tell everyone that money is due for t-shirts or a trip or such, I am expecting them to pay that amount by the due date.  If I’m writing to explain what portion of a costume I need a parent to provide and what portion I will provide, I expect the child to be sent in the appropriate wear.  I guess problems arise with when I decide to communicate at times.  For instance, if I’ve decided to communicate a new procedure without the benefit of any input from anyone else.  At those times, I’m not really soliciting a response.  I’m dictating the procedure, and no one likes to have things dictated!

    While people involved with public relations have been around since the beginning of time, many universities still didn’t offer a PR degree in the year 2000.  Now, many colleges offer this degree, and many more jobs in PR have sprouted up because of the massive amount of communication out there due to social media.  Critics pour over words emotionally tapped out by thumbs in the heat of a reaction, and leaders write manifestos of their visions in an effort to be transparent.  We are bombarded daily with communication from texts and posts and alerts.  Our weatherperson makes normal stormy days into ‘Weather Alert” days, and we carry our phone everywhere in case we miss an important update to the “weather danger.”  Our car tells us that there’s construction on a side road we aren’t even considering entering, and our refrigerator informs us that we haven’t changed our water filter in twenty-nine days!    Now more than ever, a public relationist’s job is more about getting us to actually pay attention to his communication when he knows we are swamped with too much information.

    So, what’s a leader to do?  When at all possible, good old face-to-face communication is always the best solution.  The listener has the benefit of seeing the body language and facial expressions, and the attempt at transparency is appreciated as truth.  I say all this through a written communication…. Oh, well.  I mean well!

-          Michelle