Constant

Depending on the way you view it, constancy can be comforting or daunting. On the one hand, constancy is necessary and reassuring. It’s the morning routine, the familiar coworkers and family members you come home to after a long day at work. On the other hand, you could view your life as the same work… day in and day out.

There is something comforting about some things remaining constant in our lives. It’s nice to know that our loved ones will continue to love us and maintain the relationship we have built with them. Similarly, it’s nice to know that at the end of the day, we come home to a house with water and electricity. It’s nice to know that the things we enjoy about our lives have some level of constancy or permanency.

Constancy becomes an issue in regard to the negative aspects of our lives. Right now, I feel like I read at least one article a day that discusses the fact the Millennials are significantly poorer than their parents were when they were that age. I, like most people in my generation, am living that reality. I am working myself almost to death, often putting in 60 or 70-hour work weeks. I come early, stay late and often end up coming in on the weekend. Despite my hard work, I can barely afford my life. Right now, I am five days away from payday and I have basically nothing to my name. This cycle of being broke for the majority of the month is the constancy that I am dealing with right now. I have a routine of using my entire first paycheck for living expenses and then just holding on for two weeks until the second paycheck of the month, and then trying to prepare for the next broke period to the best of my ability.

I am not the only one in this position. Almost everyone I graduated with is in a similar situation. One of my coworkers and I often joke about the poor things we do to get by. One time, I had a breakfast event at work. The hosts over-ordered and ended up with an entire extra catering size tray of breakfast potatoes. They were traveling out of state and couldn’t take the leftovers with them. Typically, I leave leftovers out for the members that work out of our facilities. However, I had so few groceries that I ended up taking home the potatoes. I had eight eggs in my fridge and I had been to the grocery store the night before and picked up ½ a pound of salami from the deli for $2.35. That night I combined the ingredients and made hash that I ate for every meal for the next eight days.

I tell this story not seeking pity, but to acknowledge that constancy can also mean an overwhelming struggle. Right now, our country is being plagued with hurricanes and storms that are ruining people’s lives by breaking their constancy. Whenever something tragic happens in our country we rally together as a nation with donations and volunteer to get these people back on their feet, while there is no real, sustainable effort to help people whose lives are constantly difficult. This country is hard on low income families. It is expensive to exist in our society and for people who are barely getting by, there are not a lot of resources.

I’m going to break through this constancy, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and when I come out of this I am going to be better for having experienced it. The one thing I want to learn from this and share with you is to be aware. Don’t assume anyone can afford anything. Not even a cup of coffee. You never know someone else’s situation, so please remember to be sensitive to it.  The comforts that are constant for you or even for me are not a luxury that a lot of people experience. Never take anything for granted and never lose touch with the reality of the majority’s constancy.

-          Bria

Constant… that pretty well describes the meowing of my cat.  He never can be satisfied with the food we purchase for him…and he lets it be known from morning until night.  His meow sounds exactly like the words, “right now!”  So, I associate today’s subject word with nuisance.

                However, I am also aware at this very moment of the news broadcasts about hurricane Irma in the Florida Gulf coastal areas.  I’ve heard that winds are constant at 70 or more miles per hour.  When I think of some of the storm winds we have here in Oklahoma, I shudder at the thought.  Can you even imagine listening to the howling and the flying debris for hours on end during the slow-tracking hurricane?  People are probably very aware of the constant beating of their hearts in fear and panic.

                I also think about the constant stream of noise which seems to surround us every minute of our busy lives.  City traffic and noise settles to a low din, but it seems to always be there in the background.  The use of cell phones in public has added another dimension of noise to our lives, as people share some of their most personal thoughts loudly in restaurants, in aisles of the stores, and as they walk down the street.  I’ve had to retrain my mind to not suspect people who seem to be carrying on a conversation with themselves of being schizophrenics.  I have to remember the little hands-free device is often hidden behind their ears.

                Years ago, I would take my students for a walk in an adjacent field to a small grove of trees.  I assigned them to a partner with whom they could talk as we walked.  However, once we arrived at our destination, no talking was allowed.  We were to enjoy nature at its best…quiet and isolated from the noises of the city around us.  Each time we did this, I found one or two students who just could not be quiet for the thirty-minute period.  They had to make some kind of noise.  Perhaps they could not stand to be alone with their own thoughts.

                Today, I am aware of the need for noise exhibited by our students.  Many think they cannot study without music or a video of some kind playing while they attempt to study.  Even my first grade students seem not to be able to stand sitting still with nothing going on at the moment.  They will complain, “What are we going to do?  What’s next?  Why are we sitting here?”  Meanwhile, I am thinking to myself, “Why can’t first graders and their teacher take a nap?  It sounds good to me!”

                One of my favorite verses in the Bible is, “Be still and know that I am God.”  I have many fond memories of quiet times spent on a hillside boulder listening to nature around me.  I close my eyes and recall midnight walks under the stars at Windemere Baptist Assembly on Lake of the Ozarks.  And last of all, I remember the deafening quiet of the first big snow of the year in St. Louis during my childhood.  The blanket of snow deadened the usual constant noise of the city…and I would stand on our front porch and just listen to the quiet as huge flakes fell from the sky.    And these memories bring me constant joy and peace of mind.    Kay

Negative:  a constant drip.  Positive:  a constant source of revenue.  Common theme:  always there. 

    Having a large percentage of military, our student population at Lawton Academy does not have much that is constant.    Our desire to meet the needs of our students is definitely a constant, though. 

    The word “constant” often has a negative connotation in our society.  “Constant talking,” “Constant whining,” “Constant coughing.”  I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say, “You are constantly happy.”  Always happy, sure.  But the word constant seems to be reserved for a perturbed statement.

    When used as a noun, though, constant becomes quite positive.  The constants in my life?  God’s grace and guidance, my families’ love for me and mine for them, satisfaction with my job, my faith.  I’m salaried, so a constant paycheck is definitely a good thing!  I’ve lived in my house for ten years now, and I am constantly re-falling in love with it.

   There are so many constants we Americans take for granted.  Constant running water, twenty-four hour stores that constantly offer us purchasing opportunities, constant entertainment.  It’s only during an interruption in these “constants” (like the hurricanes we’ve been experiencing) that we realize how much we depend upon them in our lives. 

   As I sit on my favorite sofa, with its me-shaped impression made by me constantly sitting in the same place, my mind turns to those who have lost their constants over the last two weeks.  So many people have no constants anymore.  Every meal, night’s lodging, and next bath is subject to change and uncertainty. 

    I know you receive a constant barrage of solicitations for donations at the register this time of year, but I ask you to please reflect on the constants in your life, and consider giving to those who have lost them all.

                                                - Michelle

Cycles

Cycles, repeated patterns in life that give us structure and continuity, are certainly welcomed by me.  I teach my students to look for cycles in every area of their lives. After all, the human brain looks for patterns and will strive to make patterns out of seeming chaos.

            I have lived long enough to have witnessed many cycles come and go and return again.  I have even benefitted by keeping some of my more expensive clothing until the cycle of styles made them stylish once again.  It is possible to identify decades in the U.S. through the cycles of clothing, makeup, music and movies.  This certainly makes it easy to hold costume parties. 

            My chosen field of work is education, a profession which undergoes constant cycles of rebuilding and tearing apart accepted norms.  I have seen good come out of these cycles, and I have seen the proverbial baby thrown out with the bath water.  I have learned to accept each cycle with a grain of salt.  However, some of the cycles have developed into a worthwhile cause: all children can learn if you present the information to them at their level of understanding.

            Stages of learning as recognized by Piaget are types of cycles.  The progression from one level to the next may vary age-wise, but usually it will not vary in order or sequence.  Such cycles or stages give us assurance and a means to check our children’s growth.  I am thankful for these age-proven cycles which can serve as guide posts to me in helping children learn. 

            I also teach children about the water cycle, the rock cycle, and the carbon cycle.  As they see how these cycles progress and then repeat the process again, I remind them of the old adage, “What goes around comes around.”  I hope my students will accept the challenge to practice the Golden Rule, pay it forward, etc.  I believe the world would be a better place if we could recycle these traits of love and caring.     

-          Kay

Cycle

To move in or follow a regularly repeated sequence of events.

This wasn’t the first definition that came up when I searched “cycles.” It was actually the fourth. However, I believe that this definition makes the most sense in regards to how most of us interact with cycles.

As I've grown older, I have learned to respect those who are regimented. I admire people with the discipline to wake up every morning and workout before work. Similarly, anyone who regularly meal preps and brings a well-balanced, home-cooked meal to work for lunch each day is impressive. Anyone that has a chore list or morning routine has got it all figured out in my eyes.

Pinterest has become a tool for people like me to learn unnecessary organizational tips and crockpot recipes to seemingly appear as if we have it together. We all have our routines, some more strict than others, but I don't think we think of them as cycles.

Cycles dictate a large portion of lives. On a grand scheme we encounter weather cycles, and the seasons changing and bringing different temperatures and norms that dictate how we dress, act and play. On a more personal level, we have things like our work schedule that commands our time and how we balance our careers and our lives.

If we think about this in the context of the definition above, it can make our lives seem very repetitive. We wake up, we go to work, we come home, we go to sleep, and on and on into oblivion.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the routine of our day-to-day lives. It can get boring if you let it. We get stuck in our cycles that are important and necessary but can become bland quickly.

Take some time to switch it up this week. Do something you wouldn't normally do. It doesn't have to be expensive or outrageous, as long as it momentarily breaks your cycle. It's good to challenge yourself and break out of your comfort zone.

Cycles are easy and they keep our lives on track, but they can also keep us from adventure and new experiences. Enjoy cycles, but don't be bound by them. Doing new things keeps your mind sharp and your spirit young. Don't let your routines and cycles dictate your life; use them as a framework, but make sure to stretch that frame every now and then.

-          Bria

“Some things happen for a reason,
 Others just come with the season.”

-          Ana Claudia Antunes, The Tao of Physical and Spiritual

    Did you ever wonder how we come up with our topics for TriOpinion?  Sometimes we base our writing on events that occurred earlier in the week.  Sometimes we examine issues with which the parents of our gifted students are dealing.  This Labor Day weekend, the topic was hard-coming.  I mean, it could have been anniversaries.  JT and I finally had time to celebrate our 30th by traveling to Dallas to stay in the hotel in which we spent the first night of our honeymoon, and my son and his wife are celebrating their first anniversary.  Kay and Bria, however, were not celebrating anniversaries this weekend.  So…

  Cycles came because of the stream of football games on the satellite radio… and the promise of a cool front on Tuesday… and the fact that I always put my fall decorations up on Labor Day weekend. It still mostly seemed to be a topic I chose, but Kay and Bria agreed that they could write to that topic.  So, here goes…

   It’s stupid, I know, but one of the facts about heaven that I just can’t wrap my head around is the idea that time has no end.  The teaching profession is perfect for me:  there’s a definite beginning and ending, and there are three other little beginnings and endings at quarters.  Even Mondays and Fridays are beginnings and endings.  When something’s not going well, I just start over the next week… or the next quarter… or the next semester… or even the next year. I know that I will understand when I get there and will be so very happy to spend eternity in heaven, but for now, I am going to continue enjoying the cycles in my life on Earth!

   There’s a comfort in the familiar, isn’t there.  God was so smart to make seasons just about three months.  That’s about as long as the attention span for that season lasts.  Then we’re off to the next season in the cycle, welcoming it like an old friend.

   When I adjust the “binoculars of life” to panoramic, and survey decades at a time, I am always amazed about how often I’m in familiar territory.  Be it the topics of professional development or the “new ideas” for discipline methods, there are not really many ideas that haven’t just been re-cycled.  Because of this, we at Lawton Academy don’t jump on many “bandwagons.”  We tell the kids constantly, “Our school isn’t hard; we’re just teaching what schools used to teach and will someday come back to.” 

   A great example of this is the President’s Physical Fitness Test.  You remember, the test you did in PE in which you ran a mile, did a ton of sit-ups in one minute, and measured how flexible you were.  Believe it or not, we were still using the same test till around 2010, at which point, the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition decided to lessen the challenge and focus more on active lifestyles.  My kids made fun of how easy the standards were, and often we had to stop them from going on past the goal set for them.  Two-thirds of my student body easily passed this standard.  When the President’s Fitness Challenge also disappeared this last year, my kids and I decided to re-start the cycle ourselves. I pulled up the old fitness test standards, and I let the kids know that I had achieved the President’s Fitness Award both years I participated.  I had them examine the standards and asked if they thought they could do the same.  They let me know that they found the standards to actually be challenging and asked me to make them a copy.  So many asked that I ended up telling them I’d award a trophy for any who met the President’s Fitness Test standards by the end of the year, and a medal for those at the National Fitness level.  It has been great to see kids out training in pull-ups and running. 

    I guess my point to all of this is:  don’t get too excited about the “state” of things.  Children world-wide have years of not caring… and then years of immense caring… and so on and so on. Even in the life of one child, there are cycles.  Good ideas come… and go… and come again.  Some ideas swing more like a pendulum, but a circle is made eventually. 

-          Michelle

Acknowledgment

Hey, you look nice today. I think you are doing a great job, and I can really tell you are working hard. Way to go!

Acknowledgement. It feels nice, doesn't it? Whether it's your teacher telling you they were blown away with your term paper, or your significant other pointing out that you are having an exceptionally good hair day today, it's nice to be recognized.

Acknowledgement can come from a variety of sources, but we all have those people whose acknowledgement means the most to us.

When was the last time you acknowledged someone else? Either a family member, friend, significant other or even a peer? How often do we think about the importance of building others up? I love being acknowledged by those close to me, but sometimes a customer or a fellow employee acknowledging me will put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

We all know that it feels good to get recognized for doing a good job. Why don't we remember that we should make others feel good as well?

Self-esteem is an issue that can affect all areas of your life. It is so important to instill good self-esteem in our children and youth. Teaching them to value themselves and their own worth at a young age will set them up to value their self-worth as adults.

An adult with low self-esteem is dangerous because that person is more likely to let others push him around. These people will not recognize that they deserve better, and they will put up with less than ideal circumstances because they were not taught to believe that they deserve better. Adults with a healthy amount of self-esteem are ambitious and fight for what they deserve. These people see more success because they were taught that they could be successful and that their dreams were achievable.

It is our responsibility as adults to make sure children grow up with good self-esteem. We shouldn't give them undeserved praise because that's how you create a monster. However, a healthy amount of acknowledgement and praise can teach a child that it feels good to be successful.

Remember: if we as adults feel the need for acknowledgement from others, kids are feeling that need ten times as much. Establishing a relationship as a supporter of your child both financially and emotionally will create a positive example for him to pass on to his children.

Sometimes kids do stupid things. They will mess up and they will make choices that you don't approve of. But they will also do things that astound you. When you children are doing something positive, reward them with acknowledgment. It might not immediately make a difference in their lives, but the long-term effects will be positive.

Good work champ, I'm proud of you.

-          Bria

            Acknowledgement is the act of admitting or verifying the truth of something.   Wow!  We sure live in a time of drought in our country when it comes to this area of our lives.  It seems today that no one wants to admit responsibility, thus everyone is blaming someone or something else.  It reminds me of the old story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

            There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.  Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.  Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.  Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.  It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

            It seems no person in the spotlight of media coverage wants to take responsibility for anything anymore.  Yet, if we are willing to admit our mistakes or weaknesses, we might find a more rewarding experience and lifestyle awaits us.  Let me give you a perfect example or two from this past week.

            My husband was having trouble getting his chemistry students to understand the concepts he was teaching them these past four weeks of school.  He gave a test and no one passed it.  So, he addressed his students and asked them why they thought they failed the test.  After several reasons were given (many the usual ones), he told them those were not the reason they failed.  Then he acknowledged that he failed because he hadn’t figured out a way to get the concepts across to them.  They were shocked at this acknowledgement on his part.  Then, he began teaching them different ways until they seemed to be getting it.  When he gave another test to the class, the lowest score was an 80%.

            Mr. Johnson asked the students why they felt the test scores were better.  One of the girls responded, “You didn’t seem so intimidating.”  His acknowledgement of weakness brought courage to his students.  It was one of those “aha” experiences teachers never forget.

            The second example was an email I received early in the morning before I left for school.  It was from one of my former Hmong students who came to our school in the post-VietNam era.  He thanked me and my staff members of that time for taking the time to love and care for them and teach them as we did.  Our work with these students was a heart-melting experience.  These children were displaced by an awful war.  They had never been to school a day in their lives; instead, they ran from bombs, gunfire, and soldiers killing their family members.  They could only eat uncooked rice dropped from the US helicopters as they hid in the jungles. 

            My former student brought me up to date on these Hmong friends: many are doctors, lawyers, teachers and other professionals.  He is himself a lawyer and school board member in the Twin Cities area.  He acknowledged that our group of refugees far surpassed others they met in their moves to California, Wisconsin and Minnesota.  That acknowledgement validated my belief in the methods we are using at Lawton Academy more than ever.  I am so blessed to have been touched by their lives.

-          Kay

It’s the age-old philosophy question:  If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  Every parent and educator troubles over whether or not to acknowledge an issue or ignore it and move on as if it doesn’t exist.  I myself can think of instances where knowing a diagnosis helped me better work with the student, and instances of ignoring the deficit and reaching success.  This last weekend, the shoe was on the other foot, though.

   I’ve always known I was a little hyper.  I got spanked for talking too much in school, and no one wanted to sit on my pew in church because my bouncing leg made the whole pew shake. But, when parents mention that their child is ADHD, my standard answer is, “Well, maybe. Or maybe they’re just bored.  We’ll see.  I mean, I’m pretty hyper, and I’m not ADHD.”

   I don’t have any clinical diagnosis, but I came as close to the label this weekend as one can without an appointment.  When parents suspect ADHD in their kids, we usually tell them to try the caffeine test first. We tell them to give their child coffee or Mountain Dew or the such to see what kind of effect it has on him.  If he’s bouncing off the wall, he’s probably not ADHD.  If the caffeine calms him down, however, the parent should definitely get the child seen, as caffeine has an opposite effect on those with ADHD. 

  It was the day of the eclipse, and my students and I were rushing away from our viewing site in a mad dash back to Oklahoma so we could attend school the next day.  We were rushing for all of 16 miles.  Then we hit all the other viewers rushing back to their houses.  Two miles took us 45 minutes!  I made a gas stop, and decided I better grab a 5-Hour Energy to help me stay awake while driving the bus.  I’d never had one before, but I know many who swear by them.  Oh my goodness!  I almost fell asleep!  It knocked me on my tail.  I had to pull the bus over and walk around it a couple of times.  Then I just kept eating till it wore off, a process that took about thirty minutes total. 

  If I believe that the caffeine test is accurate, then I am most likely ADHD!  As I shared my story with people, I was dismayed to hear the shock that I didn’t already know I was ADHD.  Evidently, it was obvious to everyone else that I was AHDH. 

   But I couldn’t be ADHD because I was an honor roll student.  In fact, I made my first B in 11th grade.  A parent with similar symptoms shared with me that she was diagnosed, but her doctor said that she just didn’t have the deficit.  Oh, okay.  I’ll accept the label if there’s acknowledgment that I am high-functioning!  I also love that my Diet Coke can now be called “medicine!”

  So, the question now is:  if a child is ADHD but is never diagnosed or treated as ADHD, is there a deficit?

  I know it’s not as clear cut as that, but I do find it a very intriguing.  Does my hyperactivity have a different name since I don’t seem to have a deficit in attention?  One of my teachers says that I am like the circus guy who spins plates; I jump from activity to activity, always keeping the plates spinning, but not necessarily in any pattern.   If anything, my attention can stay on several things at the same time. In my job, this is an asset.  I can walk down a hall to do one thing and be tasked with six more things on the way.  I will usually do all six.

   Maybe a better question would be:  If a person is diagnosed with a disorder, is it really a disorder, or is it just a different way of interacting with one’s world? 

   The subject for the week is acknowledgment, though, so let me address that.  Acknowledging is not excusing.  It is good to give an issue a name, but it is wrong to let that acknowledgment dictate what a person can or cannot do.  I have had many students who, having been diagnosed with everything from ADHD to Asperger’s, graduate and become fantastic members of society.  In every case, parental support was the key factor.  Parents who had set a standard beyond what they were told their child could do, and then genuinely helped their children reach small goals toward that broader goal created strong young adults.   No, these adults don’t think and act just like everybody else does, and that alone is a plus for society as a whole.

-          Michelle

Overtime

     It’s throwing me off to be writing my piece on Saturday.  I usually mull over the topic all weekend, and then sit down Sunday after lunch to write my thoughts.  This Sunday, however, I will be driving a bus to Missouri.  Fifty-three of my students and parents and I will be traveling to view the total eclipse.  Gotta have all my homework done prior to driving and cooking and fellow shipping and “ooooo-ing” and “ahhhing.”

     It’s not foreign to me to spend the weekend at work.  One of our very first posts on this site dealt with then-President Obama’s decision to pay salaried workers overtime.  I was alarmed because the knee-jerk reaction by all employers of salaried workers was to immediately remove any opportunities for overtime.  Keys were taken up and time clocks put into place.  I couldn’t imagine how any extra-curricular activity could survive this ultimatum.  Thankfully, the decision-makers decided that lawyers, doctors, and teachers were exempt from this decree.  First time my profession was ever grouped with the likes of lawyers and doctors! 

    The truth is that a teacher doing his/her job correctly HAS to work overtime.  Time with the students is spent (are you ready for it?) teaching.  Planning and grading and conferences and meetings all have to take place outside of the teaching time. Sure, some get a planning period once a day.  One hour a day of planning period would only make my day end at 10:00 p.m. instead of 11:00.  I’m not complaining, though.  I get bored when things aren’t happening.  Any free time the government would require would just turn me into a subversive!

   My husband and I watched a very thought-provoking movie the other night.  It received a 17% rating – not something with which I’d usually waste my time – but it starred Emma Watson and Tom Hanks.  Those are not two names usually associated with failures.  It was called The Circle, and it was easy to see that it was satirizing Google or some other such large corporation.  Emma’s character was not required to join in on socialization opportunities offered by the corporation during her off hours, but her lack of participation seriously “worried” her supervisors.  I asked my Business Communications class the next day if our school was like this corporation.  They were quick to say “no.”  Playing the Devil’s Advocate, I asked if our solar eclipse trip did not, in fact, belong in the same category.  It led to a really good discussion, and by the end, the students had learned that bonding opportunities should be made available to employees, but not required, or strongly suggested, as was the case in the movie. 

   This is an age-old issue in any organization.  Early in our marriage, my husband would make me aware of “opportunities” for the spouses of soldiers to meet each other and fellowship.  When he became a battery commander, I learned that being the commander’s wife meant that I needed to provide funds for the young enlisted wife who didn’t have enough for diapers, a practice that ended almost as quickly as it started.  By my husband’s deployment to Desert Storm, we young wives had learned to reach out to each other for support because our husbands were in the same location – war.  This camaraderie was so successful that the military made it regulation.  They called it Family Readiness Groups.  Now what we had done naturally in a time of high-stress became mandatory for all the leadership wives.  I remember rushing home from work to quickly feed my husband and son, and then rushing to an FRG meeting… where we sat and talked about why more people didn’t come. (Frowny face emoji goes here…but I don’t have one on Word!)

    Overtime – whether it be for more work or to build camaraderie – HAS to be the decision of the employee… or student, if you will.  The student or employee who enjoys his work will volunteer extra time to it simply because he enjoys it.  That’s my life.  I absolutely love “building” this program.  The employee or student who cannot wait to leave work or school will be just as miserable in overtime… whether he is paid time-and-a-half or not (or in the student’s case:  gets extra credit or not).

   Okay.  Employee has to enjoy it.  Got it.  This is where all the “extra-curricular activities at work” idea originates with employers.  Those employers are forgetting one key factor:  enjoying work and enjoying your work mates are two different things.  I enjoy my students, my fellow teachers, and my parents during the work week.  When I work overtime, I don’t want to be with anyone or anything but my work.  I need that time to think… to produce… to catch-up and to ready myself for the week ahead.  Sure, I plan events like this solar eclipse trip, during which I will be spending 48 hours with the aforementioned.  I will have already spent fifteen hours of alone prep-time on Saturday, though.  I’m counting the trip as a super-long Monday, and as such, I think it will be a blast!  Some of my students and most of my parents are not going; the ones who are, want to be there, as do I.  We’ll have a great time together.  

   My points are these:  as parents, we have to understand that lessons and teams and civic organizations and church are all overtime to our students. The child who wants to be there will blossom and flourish. The child made to do these will make you as miserable as he is.  As employers, we need to know that the event we’re all going to together after work to promote camaraderie is not promoting camaraderie with those who don’t want to be there.  It’s stressing them… and quite possibly their wallet, as well.  As individuals, we have to stand up to those who would dictate our free-time activities.  It may not be listed in the “inalienable rights,” but it is just as precious to us.

Michelle

Overtime… brings two trains of thought to my mind.  One comes because my husband is always talking about continuity and change over  time with his students in history.  The other comes because as a teacher, I am aware of “overtime” hours necessary for good planning and management of students and their learning.   Either way, or either spelling, it covers a lot of ground.

 At 73 years of age,  I am acutely aware of how things that were once so important have almost no importance in our lives now.  In fact, the older I get, the more I realize that relationships, especially those of family, are the most important matters of life.  As I see the obituaries of old friends in the daily newspaper, I remember times past, and I wonder if these friends left this world amid a life of satisfaction.  Then, I become extremely aware of my own life, and I wonder how long I have yet to live on this blue planet.  It does cause me to count my blessings and to stay in touch with my God daily.

I have lived long enough to have seen fads come and go, and to see a repeat of many of life’s experiences.  Yes, it resembles the pendulum swing of a huge grandfather’s clock.  Because of this repetition of experiences, I don’t get too alarmed about much.  I am more alarmed by the lack of knowledge or experience exhibited by our youth of today.  I showed them footage from NASA last week of the moon landing and the flights of that era.  They were shocked at the notion that such accomplishments involved risk to human life.  I guess they really are beginning to believe all this super hero stuff in their movies, TV, and comics.

Now, the other train of thought concerning “overtime,” brings me to the old adage, “You can be successful by only working half a day each day.  It is up to you which half you work: the first 12 hours, or the second 12 hours.”  I think we have found lots of extra time since the advent of work-saving devices, just like we were promised by the inventors.  However, we have managed to fill every single moment with activities…leaving us behind before we even begin the day!  So, I am currently finding myself becoming intolerant of having to look for things I sat down in a hurry as I rushed about my busy life!  I guess it is time for me to play more of my soft, classical music which tends to slow down my breathing patterns and hopefully, my life in general!  Kay

“Workin’ 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin’ barely gettin’ by it's all takin’ and no givin’ they just use your mind and they never give you credit, it's enough to drive you crazy if you let it.”

What a luxurious life Dolly described…just working 9:00-5:00. I would love to only work 9:00-5:00. Unfortunately, for many of us, that's just not a reality anymore.

The life that Dolly described consisted of time cards, water coolers, and office dress codes. For a lot of the country, this just doesn't describe our modern work environment.

As we have grown and evolved as a society, so has our workplace. I remember talking about this with an executive at my former job that had been with the company since the late 60’s. He mentioned that when he started, the office was still primarily males, disregarding the secretaries. People came in at 8:58 and punched a time card, smoked at their desks and wore a three-piece suit every day. I don't know about you, but to me that sounds crazy. Disregarding the disgusting thought of smoke clouds constantly invading my desk space, the idea of dressing up to that extent for work every day sounds awful.

The entire concept of an office space is changing. People work from home, or work in a place where they can sit on a couch all day and bring their dog. Offices are seemingly becoming more accommodating to people's lives; however, I think it's all a cover.

Put on your tin foil hats kids, it's time for some conspiracy:

We see office spaces that allow flexible hours, on-site cafeterias and restaurants, break rooms, nap rooms, showers and gyms. Surface level, this sounds like our work environments are changing for our benefit. But I am in the school of thought that all of this change benefits the employer.

There’s a portion of Google’s office space in Dublin where people are literally laying on giant bean bags doing their work.

Google offices also have entire food courts just steps away from the offices. Not only is this food court convenient and accessible-it’s also free! Now I know what you are thinking “why doesn’t everyone work at Google?” And to that I say- the majority of them try at some point in their life.

Here’s a short list of a few more things you can do a Google without leaving the building: laundry, workout (gym style or classes), get a haircut, get a massage, wash your car, have guided meditation. The list goes on and on.

Every added amenity means more time spent at work. Employers are feeding off of a society that constantly tells us we should be working harder and furthering our careers. By giving us all of these things, they are enabling and encouraging us to spend more time at work.

Aside from the added capabilities of spending maximum time in our actual office buildings, we also have the startup situation and mindset affecting many Millennials.

Millennials like to feel like they are a part of something and that they are making a difference in the world. That's why so many of us have flocked to startups or startup-like companies. By nature, these companies are always small-staffed and always have immense amounts of work to accomplish in small windows of time. This creates a culture of stress that always makes the employees feel like they are drowning in work. This, combined with the fact that the majority of startup CEOs were that “really competitive kid” on your softball team in high school, means that the staff is competing to see who can work longer and harder under the guise of bettering the company.

I’m getting to this point of the post where I have two options. I could go on a really specific rant about startup culture, overtime and increasing expectations of employees in this day and age, or I can wrap it up with a few takeaways.For your sake, I'll go with the latter. Young people, seriously consider your employer before committing to work there. Too many take the first job offered and then get stuck working to death for a place they don't even believe in. Realize that most of you will end up with a job that makes you work really hard. If you end up in a place that you hate, you will become angry and bitter about the amount of work your job requires.

However, if you are able to find a job that fulfills you, the overtime won't matter to an extent. I love my job, it is one of my favorite things I've done in my life. Two days this week I worked 13+ hours there and another day was at least 11. But I got up the next day and did it again because I believe in what we are doing there. When you are first looking for a job, it's so tempting to just take the first job offer you get or the one that pays the most. I can’t encourage you enough to take the extra time to make sure you are going to enjoy what you are doing.Okay, rant over. Get back to work!-          Bria

Rights

“You’ve gotta fight (bum bum) for your right (bum bum) to paarrrrrrrrtayy.”

I don't know about you, but this used to be what always popped into my head when I thought of rights. In light of recent protests and riots over the past two years, the thought of fighting for our rights has completely changed. Over the last few years, we have seen violent protests, police brutality, and riots that feed on anger and hatred. This behavior is not acceptable and is not the kind of peaceful protesting that we as Americans have the right to conduct.

Our nation has seen a lot of struggles for human rights over the last century. Racism and sexism have been combatted by organized, peaceful protests and in many cases, has proved to be, at least temporality, effective. Something has changed about the way this country enacts change. No longer do we see MLK conducting peaceful demonstrations. Rather, we see towns being set on fire, cars flipped over and innocent bystanders becoming casualties to the rage.

I do not believe this is a one-sided battle. Both sides of the political spectrum are practicing this bad behavior. We see our students being taught to fight for their rights, but they are not given the tools and wherewithal to enact meaningful change.

This problem starts in our schools. On both ends of the spectrum, we see young people getting fired up about their rights and how they believe others are infringing upon their rights. We see young people demanding what they believe is owed to them. What we do not see as often is young people focusing this effort on a direct and actionable political platform. There are too many people that want to make a sign and scream at Trump Towers, but not enough people who want to run for office with a fair and well-thought-out vision.

As students progress into universities, they are empowered to act up against what they see as wrong in the world. We get them angry about all of the injustice, and we tell them that it is their duty to fight it, all without equipping them with peaceful and effective ways of conducting change. This is a recipe for disaster that is continuously perpetuated in our higher education system.

What we need to do is direct our children towards legitimate paths to better our society. Right now we have created monsters that are just angry and don't have any way to deal with it, so they get violent. The only way to fix this problem is to teach our children a healthy way to deal with their issues.

-          Bria

Rights…how important that single letter “s” has become in today’s world.  I grew up in the post WWII era when home, schools and churches emphasized the importance of doing what is “right.”  In today’s world, the emphasis is upon the “rights” of certain people groups.  How times have changed!

            The daily news is filled with stories about people who feel their rights have been taken away or denied to them.  Some of the complaints are too absurd to even recount them.  But it seems that what we are viewing is the real-life acting out of the old TV ad where the battery is on the man’s shoulder and he dares the viewer to “go ahead, knock it off!”  I was proud of Taylor Swift this past week when she counter-sued a DJ who tried to sue her for his job loss…to the tune of three million dollars.  She asked only a settlement of one dollar.  She knew she was right and innocent, and sought only to have the court rule in her favor.  That, in my view, was the “right” thing to do, rather than trying to make a financial gain out of a bad situation.

            My husband and I were talking about one of our students who is maturing into such a fine young man.  He came to us with a great learning disability.  Yet, over the years his parents have worked with our school staff and with him to bring about results.  Instead of demanding “rights” from the government to facilitate accommodations for this child, we all worked very hard to teach him how to work with the disability, and how to find success in spite of the disability.  No excuses were given by anyone at any time.  We just all worked very hard.  So, we did the right thing by the child. (Don’t get me wrong…I am happy that funds, facilities, etc. are available to those who want them to help with disabilities.  I just disagree with government micromanaging some of these situations to the point that a classroom teacher I know has had to insert a catheter in one of her pupils as a part of her daily teaching routine.)

            We certainly don’t give adult rights and privileges to young children.  If we did, what a different world this would become.  The best example is seen daily in our preschool.  When a child wants what another child has, he wails to the teacher, “Teacher, he won’t share!”  Thus, his interpretation of Mom’s warning to “Do what is right at school, and to share,” becomes: “It’s my right…he has to let me play with it!”  How much simpler life would be if we lived by the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” 

-  Kay

Boy, the definition really calls it what it is!  Rights - a moral or legal entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way.  Where do my rights end and yours begin?  That is the question, isn’t it?  In a hugely entitled nation, the line of demarcation is blurred.

      When I think of rights, one of the first things that comes to mind is the right to a free and public education.  As I watched angry parents try to buy school supplies, I have to ask where that “free education” went.  I was in the midst of them, buying supplies for our students.  We’re a private school, but my parents and I have always felt that, if we require the items, we should furnish the items.

     Children in Oklahoma have the right to learn the same information as children in Maine.  Thus, we have Common Core.  Now students across America can learn the same set of facts.  Not necessarily what to do with those facts…but at least everyone (in public schools) is in the same boat!

     Gifted kids are incredibly aware of their rights.  If you’ve ever had an argument with a gifted teen, you know exactly what I mean.  I believe this is because gifted kids are very self-reflective.  While all kids are pretty egocentric, a gifted kid’s analysis is more introspective.  He wants to know more about his purpose and nature. He wants to “fix” what is wrong.  Usually “we” are what is wrong, but once he understands that not everything is so black-and-white, he realizes that there are rarely “right” and “wrong” sides – just differing opinions.

     It is good for gifted kids to argue about rights.  If they are allowed to explore ideas and solutions, they are more likely to choose a career in which they might fix some of the injustices out there.  If not allowed to argue, many become jaded and fail to engage once out on their own, developing a fatalistic viewpoint and cynical outlook.

     I have often told parents not to argue with their gifted child.  I’m not changing my mind here.  Do not argue with them about curfews or allowances or chores and such, or you may find yourself handing over the car keys to a prepubescent teen!  Do, however, talk about politics and war and the rights of the people of the world.  Encourage debate and strong opinions.  When your child leaves high school and enters the real world, he/she will be so much more likely to engage in society rather than sit back and complain about how stupid everybody is.  In turn, he/she will also be more willing to exercise one of the greatest rights we Americans have:  the right to elect our leaders. 

     So, don’t be afraid of a kid who is painfully aware of his rights.  Teach him to debate fairly and embrace the fact that your child will have a significant role in society.

-          Michelle

Grace

I am the picture of grace.  Oh, not like you’re thinking.  I don’t move like a swan. I’m talking about the kind of grace God offers:  undeserved favor.  That’s me… a walking billboard for undeserved favor.  If it weren’t for God’s grace, my mouth would have definitely led me to the poorhouse by now!  For an English teacher who bemoans the use of absolutes and such, I sure don’t hesitate to sling the emotionally-charged words around when confronted. 

    This was our first week of school, and for the most part it was fantastic.  There were at least two scenarios of which my mind “went to the replay” repeatedly, though.  These two instances kept me up with worry and made my stomach hurt.  I’ve been teaching for thirty years; surely I will figure this out soon!

    Fast forward to preparation for today:  I had been asked to sing a solo at church.  I decided with the stress of the first week of school, it would have to be one I previously did.  So, I gathered up my accompaniment tracks and I began listening.  The song I chose sang my week! 

                        Another voice, another choice, to listen to the words somebody said.

                        Another day I replay one too many doubts inside my head:

                        Am I strong, beautiful, am I good enough?  Do I belong

                        After all I’ve said and done? Is it real when I feel I don’t measure up.

                        Am I loved?

    That would be the entirety of my issue:  how to get the automatic replay to stop playing.  The chorus reminded me that God made every part of me with His hands, and because I know whose I am, I know who I am.  When I mess up like I did this week, I remind myself that God’s grace has covered these mess-ups, and I am free to try again… and do better next time.  Underserved favor.  Pretty cool!

    Now my biggest challenge is to pay it forward to my students.  It’s the start of a new year; not all are on board with our routine yet.  I need to make sure there is grace in everything I say as they seek to internalize the many facets of learning at Lawton Academy. My favorite quote from the week, as I tried to help sixth and seventh graders understand that they could choose their own activities in arts/engineering/music time: “I’m not used to choosing.  They just tell me what to do and where to go, and I do it.”  That was closely followed by a “I love this school” once the enormity of freedom this allowed was comprehended.  It was great!

   In this day and age where every mistake of those in the public eye is exposed, published, and analyzed by any number of talking heads on television, I’m wishing you a measure of undeserved favor!

-          Michelle

Grace…this is either looked upon as an old-fashioned word with little meaning to today’s youth, or it is a gesture on the part of money lenders that is sought after by people in financial trouble.  Either way, not many people use this term in everyday conversation.  It’s a different story to Christians who thank God for His undeserved grace in sending Jesus as the Savior of the world. They not only talk about grace, but they sing about it!

            When I think about grace as the prayer of thanks before a meal, I can’t help but remember Jimmy Stewart’s prayer in the movie Shenandoah.   He more or less told God that he and his family had cleared the land, plowed the soil, planted the seeds, and gathered the crops and cooked the meal…but he would thank God anyway for his wife’s sake.  However, by the end of the movie, he realized all too well that it is by God’s grace that any of us survive the evil around us caused by war, greed, hatred, etc.

            We are using a new method of dealing with conflicts in our school this year.  Our physical education teacher discovered this method being used successfully by a coach.  There are six steps in the process, but they are: hands out; explain; listen; brainstorm; shake; and compliment.  I’ve already used this once during this first week of our school year.  It worked beautifully.  When I told my husband about it, he pointed out some things I hadn’t thought about.

            The first step required the students to face each other with hands out in front and palms facing up.  That step is so important, according to my husband (clinical therapist), because it strikes a welcoming pose.  Think about it: Jesus held out His hands in that fashion as He taught; parents hold out hands with palms up to welcome a small child into their arms; we show palms up to assure someone we mean them no harm.  Such a pose disarms the situation immediately.

            Our world has become somewhat hardened and shell-shocked with violence.  The negativity does cause people to be suspicious.  Maybe it would be a better place if more people showed grace instead of just retaliating hurt for hurt. 

            I once had a student who constantly caused classroom problems and refused to change his ways.  One day when his teacher asked me to come to her room and intervene, I decided to do the following.  I asked what he had done and received an explanation.  I turned to him and told him that God had shown mercy and grace to me…even though I made mistakes.  He sent Jesus to accept the punishment for me.  So, because He did that for me, I would take the three spats of the paddle for him.  I directed the teacher to spank my hand hard with the paddle instead of spanking him.  (Yes, spankings were allowed back then.)  Nothing more was ever said…I was not called to that room for his misbehavior again.  I had completely forgotten about this incident until about four months ago when a woman came up to me and told me she was in that classroom long ago.  She said, “I have never forgotten what you did for that boy!” 

            So, I stop and consider and question, “What would the world be like if we took the time to show “grace” instead of being judge, jury, and hangman…trying to right all the wrongs in the world?  

-            Kay

In conversations about self-improvement, the phrase “grace under pressure” is often used. Sometimes I feel like this can be a placeholder phrase that doesn't carry a lot of meaning. I've never heard the phrase “grace under pressure” and known what it meant or how I should apply it to my life. The only way I have really come to understand this concept is by example.

I have been blessed with a few strong women in my life that know and practice the meaning of grace under pressure. These women all have challenging jobs and demanding lifestyles, but they all also maintain an amount of composure and “put togetherness” that is nothing short of impressive.

As we as a society continuously increase our expectations, the mastering of grace under pressure will set aside those who go above and beyond. We are all being asked to do more and more and to over perform. Those of us who can learn how to manage all of the pressure and still put our best foot forward will be the ones that come out on top.

Learning grace under pressure is not easy, and it takes a lot of time to perfect. The earlier you start learning how to manage your stress levels and put your best foot forward, the better. Life only becomes more challenging and complicated as you grow up. Working on this problem as someone in high school or college will allow you a leg up in getting ahead of the challenge.

Look to those people in your life that seem to have everything figured out. Why are they able to do that? For some, it's their faith. They are able to manage their stress through faith and trust in a higher being. For others, it’s organization. It could also be exercise or meditation. If you look at these people in your life, you will learn that each one has a method of coping with the pressure and remaining calm and composed during the hard times.

No one is ever going to appear calm and collected at all times, but learning how to control your emotions and manage your stress levels early on can put you a step ahead in practicing grace under pressure throughout your life. Even if this grace does nothing for you in terms of personal success, you will still feel better than the stressed out, anxious people around you.

-          Bria

Letting Go

Letting go is not a natural action for mothers or for someone struggling to save self from a crisis situation.  In fact, it is one of the most difficult actions a parent must undertake if the child is to survive on his own.  It just isn’t as easy as a mother bear makes it look when she sends her cub(s) up a tree and proceeds to swat them hard every time they try to climb down.  Then, she disappears into the wilderness never to return to care for them again.

            Even after our children are grown and have established their own homes and families, a mother feels an ache inside like her stomach is in her throat every time she watches them leave after a short visit.  Perhaps the umbilical cord nerve endings were tougher than we thought.  The house always feels a little empty after the children and grandchildren have gone back to their homes.

            At school, I see parents face the tough task of “letting go” of their children that first day of preschool or kindergarten.  In especially tough cases, mothers cry almost as much as the child.  I do my best to assure the distraught parent(s) that I have never lost a child yet!  But after the parent(s) leave the building, the child immediately starts exploring the classroom to see what interesting things are there.

            The harder task is the parent who absolutely will not “let go” of the child.  This parent creates a strong dependency on the child’s part.  I’ve seen some of these children who cannot make a simple decision on their own without input from mom…even at twenty years of age.  Thus, the parent had good intentions: keep the child safe; but the results were an emotionally crippled child.

            Letting go can also be an even harder task for a person who has developed an addiction to something.  We are all very aware of drug and alcohol addictions.  However, I am more aware of the addiction of children and parents to video gaming.  My husband and I are constantly observing family meals at local restaurants where no one speaks…all are playing or using their phones and video devices at the table. 

            Let me make two observations that are becoming more factual each year with research that is currently being done.  It is harder for children to remember letters, spelling associations, etc. if they use computer keyboards or other such input devices.  By not hand writing letters, words, and notes, there is no tactile sense being placed in their memory formation.  All keyboard input feels identical to the touch.

            Vocabulary development is limited when children do not hear or experience the advanced language structure used by adults in their presence.  That is one reason we ask parents to read books to their children daily.  When the mind is familiar with language structures, the child is better equipped to form his or her own words, sentences, and stories. 

            My closing thoughts on the subject of letting go is this:  I must let go of the constantly expanding schedules that face me each day and find some quality time to just enjoy life’s precious moments!  I did just that this week.  With only three days left before our new school year begins with an Open House, my husband and I took off in our camper for Palo Duro Canyon in Texas.  We have just returned from being refreshed by nature’s wonders as well as being reminded of the rich history that brought about these United States.  Now, I am ready to tackle the world…well, at least my classrooms of children!

-           Kay

It's weird the topic of letting go makes me so emotional. I feel this way because I am in a period of my life where letting go defines my situation and circumstances.

I have been practicing letting go since I moved to Chicago in 2013. I say practicing because I have yet to perfect it. Moving to Chicago was easily the most terrifying thing I had done up until that point in my life. I was letting go my life in Oklahoma, my comfortable house and my car to move to the big city and live in a dorm and take the public transportation everywhere. This was quite an adjustment, and I struggled through my first year in the city.

Eventually I got comfortable with my new situation just in time to move into my own apartment. This was phase two of letting go- letting go of roommates. I lived with the same girl for two years before moving out of the dorms and living alone. This was another practice in letting go of the comfort.

So time went on and I got comfortable living alone, I got a dog and had friends over occasionally and everything worked out. And then I graduated and entered the part of my life where I had to let go of my financial safety net.

I moved into a smaller place that I could pay for myself (barely) and started working my first salaried job. This job has been the biggest practice of letting go, - because it has made me let go of expectations. All my life I expected that if I did the right things and worked hard, I would be able to live comfortably. Right now, I'm working a job that often keeps me there upwards of 70 hours a week. I am doing everything I can to be successful, I have my MA from a good school, and I have work experience with reputable companies, and I still can barely afford to live here.

I have had to let go what I thought my life would/should be like because that's just not the reality of my situation right now. This is incredibly challenging because it's so easy to look around and see what others have that I don't. I am still in the period of my life that is defined by letting go, and it's important because out of letting go, I have gained so much strength as a person. Each of these moments of letting go that I have mentioned have defined my next step towards success, and I would not be the same person without them.

Letting go can be uncomfortable, but it is incredibly necessary to helping you learn and grow as a person. As you grow up, you will experience these times and in the moment, it might make you upset that you have to let go of comfort to learn. Looking back on it, you will realize that that was a milestone in your life and it changed you. You have to let go of some things to make room for new experiences in your life.

-          Bria