Truth Counts!

This week we are discussing the truth. Honesty is a concept that students of all ages can connect with. We learn from a young age that it is bad to tell a lie. Whether or not we practice being completely honest all of the time, we all know that being truthful is important. We don’t like when others are dishonest with us, we call others liars and feel as though they betray us, but we are much more forgiving when it comes to our own lies. 

When we discussed the importance of truth with the students we did not only look at it through the lens of truth versus lies. We also talked about the concept of their truth. It’s important that we are truthful, but it is also important that we understand our own truth. To be a good leader, you must be steadfast in your core values. Standing up for what you believe in can show that you are discerning and passionate and can win the respect of those around you. Maintaining your truth can demonstrate many admirable qualities of a leader like loyalty and virtue among other things. 

You might be reading this thinking that you don’t have a truth that stands out in your head. One thing that is true is that your truth will change as you grow. Much like your interests, your truth will grow with you. For some, their truth might be very apparent, while for others, their truth might take a more secondary position in their mind. Whether your truth is something that screams in your mind constantly, or it is more of an undertone, it does shape the way we approach the world around us. 

If you are still in search of your truth, that is fine, know that it is developing in the back of your mind. Your truth is being refined by the way you were raised, your values and ethics, and your life experiences. One day you will discover your truth and it can be something that shapes you. Beyond understanding and living your truth, you can practice being truthful with those around you. These facets together can make you a truly great leader.                               

-        Bria

    My last assignment in my 7th-11th writing class is entitled “My Truth.” I told the kids that this assignment would not go through the usual peer editing because of the things shared, and I told them that, while I will read it, this exercise was predominantly for their benefit. I asked them to explore how they are doing mentally, physically, and spiritually. These assessments would form the pillars of their own personal “truth.”

   Last week I met with each of my high schoolers regarding what they wrote. It was a fantastic chance to belay some fears, assure kids that I love and have their best interests in mind, and help kids see that their struggles are often common to many. 

   I was reminded through this exercise how much students need adults off which to bounce their ideas. When they don’t have that, they are allowing friends and the Internet to form their opinions. And more often than not, they feel alone… not part of a community of shared thoughts. 

   The number of high schoolers who do not speak to their parents in the evening has grown since the pandemic. We learned to go to our alone place within the house, and that has not changed. Parents, here is the truth: if you don’t re-engage, there’s a pretty good chance you will not see the “you” in any part of your child’s adult life. Why is that important? Because parents pass on morals and good decision-making practices. The Internet cannot do that. 

   Now, it’s usual for your teen to be worn out at the end of day and sleep a bit. It’s normal for there to be friction between you and your teen as they prepare to leave the nest. You cannot force family time. What you must do instead is make opportunities for sharing. Go on a hike or to an ice cream shop. Just the two of you. Don’t prod; just listen for opportunities to reflect. Don’t judge or punish or warn. Just let your teen try ideas out. Play “would you rather” and open the door to ideas. 

    If you will take time with your teen, his “truth” will reflect some of what you have taught him. 

-        Michelle

Loyalty Counts!

     Loyalty is a two-way street, right?  Not necessarily.  Parents of gifted pre-teens/teens know that, when mad, their children can say and do some awful things.  I remember as a sixth grader calling my mother names and yelling at her.  I was very awful.  I remember thinking “I know this is really mean, but she’s wrong, and it’s more important to be right than to be nice.”  Fortunately, God smacked me down by sending me to a large school not knowing a soul.  I got a lot quieter!

   I’ve asked students every year if they sometimes have the same reasoning in their heads – the “more important to be right” thing.  They have all acknowledged that they have.  So, I want you to hear me, Parents of Gifted Children:  you must be loyal to your kids regardless of what they say or do as a young teen.  The intense need to be right is difficult to overcome.  You can argue with them and punish them; just don’t give up on them.  They do love you.  It may not sound like it, but I guarantee that they do.  They just want to win the argument. The desire is as strong as the feeling that we’ve failed when we’re not the first ones to turn a paper in.  I cannot explain it, but it’s real.

    As future leaders, I’ve asked my kids to think about the loyalty they want to inspire in those who follow them.  I try to model leadership that demands much from my students but also values their opinions and input.  I want them to meet high standards and make our program even better with their suggestions.  Even so, this time of year, several abandon our school for bigger schools with more programs but weaker academics.  It’s very hard not to believe that they are being disloyal.  They are not, though. They are exploring and experiencing.  We might have done the same.  We cannot take it personally.

    As a parent, you may feel that your kids are not remaining loyal to you – to the family.  You have to remember that they are gong to launch (hopefully!) at some point.  The closer they get to that launch, the more they are going to spread the wings of their own ideas and try them out.  After all, who wants to jump out of the nest without having ever tried the wings a bit first?

   That “wing-spreading” may involve some activities of which you do not approve, but I know very few adults who don’t have a coming-of-age tale to spin.  If you don’t drive them away by micro-managing, your kids will remain loyal to you.  My children and I don’t agree on everything, just as my parents and I do not.  Yet, we are all loyal to each other.  There is not a one who would not stand for another in times of hardship.  Loyalty breeds loyalty – whether you are the follower or the leader.

-        Michelle

When you think about loyalty, a lot of times its importance is discussed in relation to a family, friendship, or romantic relationship. While loyalty is a main theme of relationships of this nature, it is also important to be a loyal leader. While loyalty isn’t also recognized in a leader as a standout trait, a lack of loyalty in a leader is noticeable and undesirable. 

A lot of time the discussion about loyalty and careers centers around the idea of being loyal to a company for many years. While in the past, this was a great way to climb the corporate ladder, that is not necessarily something that is heavily rewarded in a modern context. Rather than focusing on staying with the same company for fifty years, think about being loyal to a certain career path or goal. A mistake that many people make is making too many career changes early on. While I don’t believe you should stay with a job you aren’t passionate about, sometimes people jump from job to job, chasing an unrealistic idealized perfect job that doesn’t exist. 

When you make too many career changes you can end up with a job history that is off-putting to future employers. So, while I don’t think you need to commit to working for the same place from graduation to retirement, showing some loyalty or commitment can prove that you are not flighty or untrustworthy as an employee. I also think there is something significant about having loyalty to the ideas you have set forth for yourself. When you decide you want to have a certain job you should not just give up easily on that dream. 

As a leader, you can be loyal to those who work for you by taking their interests and issues into concern. Furthermore, you can look out for things that would make their lives harder, and intentionally block obstacles to their success. While they might not notice that you are doing these things, there will be positive effects of these actions that will make the people you work with feel good about working with you. 

Being loyal to the people who work with you will pay off in turn. If you prove that you are going to support those people and be loyal to them as a boss, you can expect them to be more loyal to you as well. This is important because in a modern career force, it is very hard to retain talented employees. Every time you lose a good employee you are not guaranteed that you will be able to replace them with someone of similar caliber. You also lose effectiveness and productivity during the time it takes to train new people. 

Loyalty can improve all of the relationships in your life: platonic, romantic, business, or otherwise. People like to know that they can count on you, and that you aren’t going to leave them. When you prove loyalty to the people in your life, they will respect you and trust you more. They will also be more willing to support your ideas and initiatives. All in all, loyalty is very important. 

-        Bria

    Loyalty counts!  I am always reminded of the beautiful painting of the sheepdog resting his head on the bed of his late master.  The empty bed and the faithful dog certainly draw a touching picture of loyalty.  It seems that dogs really are man’s best friend.  When life seems to come at us like a whirlwind, our faithful dogs are always there beside us…ready to lick our wounds or to offer a soft fur coat to gently and absentmindedly stroke as we soothe our own anxiety.  I have owned dogs, cats, and parakeets, but only the dog remains loyal.  The other pets seem to be caught up in their own affairs and have no time to spend upon positive strokes and comforting silence.  So, thank you, God, for creating the wonderful, loyal dog!

    Loyalty among people is quite a different matter.  In fact, loyalty issues have grown to be high on the list of problems among people in social groups.  The Internet has brought a new level of interconnectedness which opens many opportunities for misunderstandings among loyal friends.  The increased number of divided families because of divorce has also challenged loyalties among children.  My heart has been heavy for some of the children I’ve taught over these many years.  Guilty feelings arise as children wonder if they are being “disloyal” to one or the other parent when decisions must be made about visits, custody, etc. I’ve seen “macho” middle-school students actually cry in front of peers…all because they felt pressured into being disloyal to one of their parents.

    We recently received a question from someone as to why we don’t give loyalty discounts to families who are part of our school for several years.  All I can say is they truly do not understand how expensive it is to provide a school with all the activities, equipment, staff and faculty, and materials necessary.  Loyalty is appreciated, but it could be seen as a two-way street.  Do those same parents want to reward our dedicated teachers, staff, and coaches for their loyalty in being present day after day, week after week, game after game, etc.?  None of us expect a loyalty “gift” or “discount”… we are just doing the best job we can for our students to be successful.

    One of the greatest problems we have faced over the years has been getting teachers to be loyal to the A.B.R.A.I.N. methods of teaching.  We have had wonderful teachers over the years, but we have also had some who would not be loyal to those methods.  It is not fair to the children to have a “difficult” year because a teacher was not loyal to the practices and methods advanced by Lawton Academy.  Thank goodness, those instances have only been a few.  However, it takes a lot of extra effort to correct the effects of such a disloyal teacher.  So, we are extremely careful in our hiring practices.  We involve more than one person in the hiring process.  We then present our methods to the new faculty members so that they can effectively teach our students.  

    Recently, as the on-going issue of public versus private schools was brought to the forefront of the state news, I heard those who are “loyal” to the public sector challenge and charge that all private schools do not have to test their children like the public schools do.  I understand the loyalties, but the statement is simply not true in Lawton Academy.  We test every grade every year with the nationally normed tests: Iowa Tests of Basic Skills.  (We do not test pre-kindergarten children who are not ready for such concrete skills testing.) Our secondary students take the PSAT. This is an expensive process, but it helps us see how our program is doing compared to the rest of the nation.  It also helps us determine what resources need to be upgraded to better assure student success.

    Last of all, I am proud of the loyalty displayed by our students and coaches as we have participated in the Indiahoma Co-op for sports and fine arts.  An article appeared in the Cotton Electric Newspaper praising the Indiahoma track team for positive results at a recent track meet.  All but two of the team members pictured were from our school.  I thought to myself…That’s a true test of loyalty.  Our students accepted praise as Indiahoma Track athletes…loyal to their teammates and loyal to the Co-op of a private and a public school…loyal to the betterment of both schools and their students.”  I only wish more governing entities, organizations, and people were as loyal as these young students seem to be.     

-        Kay 

Personal Development Counts!

    Personal development is more important than ever to me as I am approaching my 78th birthday!  I’ve listened to and read about the statistics of not doing personal development all my life.  I can now attest to the fact that the old adage declares: “Use it or lose it!”

    My husband and I have always been very independent and very active people.  We always were at the front of the pack in any new sport we undertook.  But now, we have found that age does cause one to fall back and “just keep going.”  Early life injuries come back to haunt us.  Jim is paying for making excellent money by working on the railroad in his summer months to help pay his college tuition.  Pain in his ruptured disks remind him every day of the backbreaking work he put in carrying and replacing train rails that summer.

    I took pride in always dressing professionally for school.  So, I wore high heel shoes every day of my career in the public school.  I also competed in ballroom dancing contests with my husband – still wearing those high heel shoes!  Now, I pay for it every day…with tired, aching feet.  However, I have learned that now, more than ever, I must be faithful with my physical exercise program.  If I let that exercise go, I get stiff and hurt even more.

    My professional personal development has been a little different.  I always read and try to pay attention to the new jargon in education.  I have seen cycles of education throughout my life.  Yes, history does repeat itself…even in education.  Some of the “latest discoveries” have actually been around some time…they just received a new face lift!

    One of my faculty members did suggest I take time to update my brain research.  All of a sudden, I realized how much time has passed since I was doing workshops and training teachers in techniques which help children learn.  WOW!  So, I immediately found updates to my research basis for A.B.R.A.I.N.  To my surprise, the brain scans that have been taking place the past twenty years is validating the techniques I prescribed.  But more importantly, it has been found that technology usage has changed the way our brains are processing information.  My warnings about too much exposure to technology interactions are being cast to the forefront of the latest research findings.  

    As I spend time reading up on these new findings, I will make alterations as they may be necessary.  However, the major decrease in attention span and the increase in ADHD diagnosis in children today is not a positive outcome I expected.  Now, I must update my expectations and methodology as the research nudges my thinking into new areas of learning.  As I learn more, I will pass it on to others who can go on making strides in educational practices.  So, I conclude once again, personal development is a necessary part of life!         Kay

This week we discussed the importance of personal development in becoming a good leader. I think there are many topics we have discussed previously that contribute to personal development, but this is a broad category that deserves to be addressed separately. I believe that there is no way to be a good leader without continuously working on personal development. Without work on personal development, you can become a stagnant leader, which leads to complacency, boredom, frustration, or burnout. 

Personal development is not just for leaders. Everyone should be looking for ways to grow and change. In our own school philosophy, we discuss continuous progress. This is something that works well because we are living in a time where everything is changing in education and how people learn. We have to continuously change and improve to keep up with all of these changes. The same thing should be true for us as individuals. No one is perfect, and very few are close to it. Most of us have many obvious flaws accompanied with even more flaws that are less obvious. This is normal as it is human to have things that we need to work on. The important thing is actually putting in the effort to work on it. 

When discussing a plan for personal development, I always go back to my goals. This is something that I talk a lot about with my students. I collect their goals regularly throughout the years that I teach them and then I show them previous goals they set for themselves. Oftentimes they find that they have lost sight of these goals entirely, but sometimes they are able to see that they actually completed a goal. When that occurs, the students are typically very proud of themselves. Goals help us track personal development and make sure we are working towards improvements. Without concrete goals it is easy to drag out personal development or delay working on your issues. 

So how do we start actually working on personal development? Well, those of you who are students are already taking an important step towards personal development. Education is a great way to grow, learn, and change. Aside from education, you can identify specific things about yourself that you would like to improve and make a plan to address that. If you are unhappy with your health, you can commit to a diet and exercise plan. If you would like to be a better writer, you can commit to journaling a little bit every morning. If you want to get a good job, look up all of the requirements for a job you might want and start working on checking off the list. Personal development can take time, but it is an important step towards reaching your full potential. What area are you working on improving right now? If you don’t have an answer to that, take some time today and come up with a plan to begin your personal development journey.

• Bria

     As Bria and I both mentioned in last week’s topic (Reputation Counts!), gifted and talented kids rarely know their reputations.  They know only the view they are trying to project.  Before a person can work on personal development, he has to believe that development should occur.  As I said last week, it is critical that you help your child know how he is perceived.  Only then can he see to any personal development that should occur. 

     There are ways you can handle helping your child understand his fallacies without destroying him.  Let’s say that your child is teaching himself to play the piano.  Congratulate him on benchmark accomplishments.  You don’t have to get him piano lessons.  In fact, most gifted will quit when made to practice.  But, you should take him to competitions to here others his age play.  He will evaluate how his playing stacks up.  At this point, he will either quit or dig in and practice.  If he quits, don’t worry.  Gifted and talented kids have a wide variety of interests.  When something no longer holds their interests, they move on.  For this reason, parents shouldn’t rush out to buy expensive equipment and such until their child has maintained interest for a half a year or more.  I’ve learned this the hard way at school several times!

     I’m going to contradict myself here a little bit.  I just mentioned quitting, but when your child joins a team or ensemble, it is important that you not let him quit.  He is letting down a group, and that is not okay.  Sticking it out will be a great personal development exercise.  Make your child finish the commitment made, and then let them quit the activity if they still want to.  Most times, they will quit, but at least they gave it a fair try, and they didn’t let a team down.

     Another way to teach your child to seek personal development is to do “after-action reports.”  This is a term borrowed from the Army.  After an exercise, the soldiers get together to analyze how things went.  As you are driving home from an activity or during the trip to celebrate the game, spend some time discussing with your child how he thinks he did.  If he cannot see anything that didn’t go well, you can let him know what you saw.  Just be careful not to destroy him.  Frame it as something you saw that could improve. 

     Before the next time the activity is attempted, remind your child of what he said he should work on.  At the end, again ask if he felt he did his best. Before long, he will begin evaluating himself on his own.  Personal development cannot help but follow.

-        Michelle

Reputation Counts!

This week we are talking about a really important topic: Reputation counts. When I discussed this topic with the elementary students, the main thing that we kept coming back to is the idea that a reputation, whether good or bad, will follow you. This is the really significant thing about reputations: it takes time to build a reputation, and it takes time to change a reputation once it is established. Some of the kids thought of this idea of reputation following you as ominous or scary. While I don’t want them to be anxious, I’m glad in a way that they understand that a bad reputation can follow you. 

I want all of our kids to establish a good reputation because ultimately I believe that does a lot to help them access great opportunities in their futures. To illustrate the point of reputations, I asked the kids to circle up by grades. Then I said things like, “Point to someone in your grade who is a great artist,” or, “Point to someone who is a hard worker.” Inevitably what I knew would happen, and what did happen, is that certain people would immediately disagree with their classmates’ judgements and try to convince them that they themselves are actually the fastest in the class. 

This brought us to an important lesson about reputation. Your reputation is not based on what you tell people to think about you. It is what other people observe or hear from other individuals about you. This was a hard concept for some of the kids to wrap their heads around - especially our little ones. They believed that since it was true in their heads that they were the funniest person in their class, everyone else obviously believed that, too. In practice, that was simply not the case. There were some hurt feelings, but ultimately we were able to discuss that opinion is a significant contributing factor to what other people believe about you. We talked about how even if someone doesn’t believe that you are the best artist in the class, you can still be a good artist. Someone’s opinion of you doesn’t ultimately mean that that is the truth about you. Furthermore, if it is important to you that they believe that you are a good artist, you still have opportunities to convince them of such. 

The biggest thing that I wanted the students to take away from this discussion is that a bad reputation is not a death sentence to your friendships and opportunities. Rather, it is a hurdle to overcome. If a child is in a position in which he currently has a bad reputation, there is still time to change that reputation. He just has to work at it. For other children who enjoy a good reputation, we talked about how important it is to maintain it. Fortunately, once a good reputation is established, people are usually granted a few mistakes because their reputation says that that behavior was out of character for them. 

That is the sweet spot in which you want to find yourself. As students go throughout school, if they have a good reputation, people will generally be more forgiving when mistakes occur. Similarly, in an internship or a job, a good reputation can give someone the benefit of the doubt when their decisions or actions come into question. But even better than this, having a good reputation allows teachers, bosses, or people in a position of power over you to envision future success and allow you opportunities that someone else who lacks your reputation might not be granted. If you have a reputation of being punctual, hardworking, and reliable, people will be more willing to trust you with increased responsibility. At some point, those with good reputations will start to steadily rise above those without that reputation. 

If you are looking at your current situation and you cannot confidently say that you have a good reputation, it is time to start working on that. Think of ways to prove to the people in your life that you are responsible, kind, and hardworking. As a student, the easiest way to do this with your teachers is to always put in your full effort to assignments and turn them in on time. If you are someone who struggles with grammar, go the extra mile and have a trusted individual proofread your work for you before you turn it in. If you are someone who is frequently late to class, start waking up ten minutes earlier and really make an effort to get to school on time. These efforts will not go unnoticed. Slowly, you will start to prove to people that you are deserving of a good reputation, and as we mentioned earlier, that reputation will stick with you. 

-        Bria

    For over thirty years, the name Kay Johnson was synonymous with Flower Mound Elementary School. You could not mention one without evoking thoughts of the other. Under her leadership, Flower Mound became a model school for Oklahoma. She retired there 23 years ago; yet, Flower Mound still reaps the benefits of her reputation. That fact taught me that established reputations take a long time to be forgotten.  

    It’s March, and our school, Lawton Academy, has 190 kids already contracted to come to school next year. That’s only 14 kids less than we have enrolled now. We have established the reputation. Now our job is to continue to live up to that reputation. 

    Parents of gifted, let me make you aware: your kids are usually oblivious to their reputations. I know very few who do not believe that they are the answer to any issue that may arise. I am constantly amazed at the blank stares of “who me?” when I point out a trend of negative behavior in a gifted child. 

    It is very important that you not sugarcoat the ugly tendencies of your child. You don’t have to vilify them either. Instead, you should use any opportunity you can to show them the behavior elsewhere and discuss how ugly it is. Then you can carefully point out times your child has done the same. Or you can use the “how would you feel if” procedure. However you choose to do it, do not let the behaviors just slip by. In doing so, you are creating the next toxic boss… the next monster of a person.

    It is important that we help our gifted children to understand the reputation they are creating. We get it: they’re smart. They’re not the only ones smart, though. And smart is not enough to get people to follow one’s lead. People follow leaders who listen. Parents, teach your kids to listen… to think… to empathize. They should be able to predict what damage could occur to their reputations or make moves that build a great reputation.

    It’s never comfortable pointing out a fallacy, and gifted children are especially repulsed by any suggestion that their ways are not THE way. I have found them very open to new ideas, though, whenever we’re talking hypothetically. As the parent of a gifted teen, you’ve just got to be creative with your approach. You can do it! Gifted kids come from gifted parents!

           -Michelle

    Reputation counts!  I think everyone realizes that a good reputation is priceless, and it is greatly desired.  If reputation wasn’t so important, people wouldn’t bother to check with others before calling a repairman, or before going to a new doctor, dentist, etc.  Usually, people are more than willing to share their thoughts about these reputations, whether it is good or bad.

    Since a reputation is that important, we should take great care as to how we are building our own reputation in our community, in our family, and among our friends and co-workers.  During my fifty plus years as an educator, I put forth great effort to make sure that my schools had a reputation that “we taught well, cared for our students and their families, and that we met the desired educational outcomes for our students.”

    Each year, I try hard to help my children overcome peer pressure in areas that would call their reputation into question.  This is really a hard task because of the difference in our values based upon the difference in our generations.  Since I am not a part of the youth culture, I try to approach my students in the following way.

    We are in a real sense, “prescription babies,” in that God has a custom design for every individual, equipping each for specific achievements and purposes.  (Psalm 139:13-14) If we look for our talents and abilities, we will find our means for helping others.  It is when we are looking “outward” that we do our best deeds.  Thus, in doing these deeds, we gain a good reputation.

    I especially like to teach my students about the meek people.  The word meek used in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount is like a horse being willing to be controlled by a tiny bit in his mouth.  That horse has strength and power to overcome that bridle and bit if he so desires.  Yet, he has chosen to be gentle, quiet, and tamed.  This willingness to submit to the rider is a model of strength.  Meekness is gentle power…it builds, it lifts up, it restores.  

    A meek person is no less strong but is one whose strength has been channeled and made usable.  Jesus said, “The meek shall inherit the earth.”

    Today, Dolly Parton comes to my mind as an example.  She was recently nominated to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame even though she is known as a county music singer.  She humbly turned down the invitation.  The Hall of Fame went on with the nomination.  However, Dolly is set in her stance.  Perhaps it is her genuine caring and willingness to help others that adds to her enormous fan base.  Such a nomination among music stars is a really big deal!

    In this age of social media, students are easily misled to seek fame and often are given advice which may lead to a tarnished reputation.  Because of their innocence, many of today’s youth are depressed when they find their reputation has been tarnished through the chat rooms and social interactions over the internet.  

    As I learn more and more of the changes happening in the culture of our youth, I will try harder and harder to teach them to protect that most precious possession they own: their reputation!  I know I can’t be successful with that, however, unless I also protect and care for my own reputation so that it is good…then they may trust me and what I have to say.    Kay

Gratitude Counts!

    Gratitude certainly counts…although it seems to be a missing entity in today’s busy world.  I am certain that many people are grateful for what they have and where they are in life, but words or actions of gratitude are seldom at the forefront of today’s news.  Perhaps this is a logical result from previous times when parents demanded that children say “Please” and “Thank you,” whether it was meant or not.  

    I love being able to tell the checkout clerks how much I appreciate their help.  I love being able to compliment workers in stores for the good job they are doing, or for the way they helped a “hard to please” customer.  When I take the time to do this, the person always smiles and acts as if such praise was totally unexpected.  I am sure it is new to them.  It appears to be far easier for people to criticize or demean others than it is to give a compliment.

    Just remembering these previous experiences causes me to get on my soapbox and air my complete dislike of the Progressive Insurance ads that show a gray-haired man trying to teach people how “not to become their parents.”  That ad series seeks to destroy any form of kindness or gratitude which might be shown to waiters, etc.  How sad!

    I remember the first year I began Lawton Academy.  We decided to let our students participate in an Easter Egg Hunt provided by the city for children.  To our amazement, the large field was covered in prizes, baskets, candy, and just about anything you could imagine.  The large Blue’s Clues character was there to greet the children and waited with them until the hunt was ready to begin.  What transpired in the next fifteen minutes was absolutely unbelievable!

I watched helplessly as children ran back and forth over the field actually stomping on “small” prizes and baskets…rushing madly towards a mob all seeking to get the largest prizes of all!  When the largest prize was claimed, others turned away in disgust and moaned about there’s nothing to find!  Needless to say, I was infuriated!  We had a lengthy lesson about being grateful and not being selfish.  The end result: I never allowed our students to participate again in such a free-for- all!

    Because of that enlightening experience, I have had unusual egg hunts over the years.  But my hunts required problem solving, directional map reading, clue interpretations, etc.  It wasn’t just the egg hunts that changed with me.  I also learned to teach moderation and gratitude at Halloween and Valentine’s party celebrations.  I take these teaching moments very seriously.  I want our students to be grateful and generous citizens.  They will rise to the level of my expectations if I set the example and set the parameters.  

    In light of the war in Ukraine today, I am teaching our students just how grateful we must be.  This is also the time for us to learn that generosity will help the people who are suffering atrocities far more than any of us have experienced at Lawton Academy.

    I am also grateful for staff members who really care about children.  While I was in the public school system, I had a teacher who absolutely had no love for, or desire to teach poor children or children who were overweight.  It broke my heart to see children shunned who did not meet her expectations.  Yet, she was upset with me when her oldest son refused to let her buy Izod shirts for him to wear to his new junior high school.  He had listened to me and didn’t want to be seen as a part of the “proud crowd.”  I think he grew up a more thankful person, and I have no regrets for my influence upon him.

    I close these thoughts for today with the thought Jim and I share each day at Lawton Academy.  “Thank you, God, for such a beautiful garden you’ve provided for us to cultivate.  We can nourish the children’s minds and spirits with your love.  When our students leave this garden called Lawton Academy, they can in turn spread the gratitude we all have that you have blessed our school so much!”    

-        Kay

A lot of times we only think about gratitude around the holidays. Outside of Thanksgiving and other days throughout the year that push us to be thankful for something/someone specific, we don’t often focus on gratitude. Similarly times of tragedy can give us a forced perspective that makes us thankful that we aren’t experiencing hardships, disease, poverty, war, etc. For most people, gratitude is not something that comes naturally, there has to be something that instigates the feeling of gratitude for us. Gratitude is not instinctual, but there are benefits to developing an attitude of gratitude that can affect other areas of your life and your leadership practices. 

A study conducted at UC Davis followed thirty participants. Initially, the researchers worked from a larger population asking people to journal a week of their daily activities. In the end, they selected ten participants that wrote about their week with an emphasis on the inconveniences, ten who wrote overall neutral/factual accounts of their week, and ten who wrote about their week with an emphasis on gratitude. They followed these thirty participants for ten weeks observing their daily routines. The researchers reported that the ten who wrote with gratitude exercised more, visited doctors/physicians less, and generally presented as more positive on average than the other two test groups. 

A study this small cannot certainly attribute a cause and effect of acting with gratitude, but I don’t believe that the results were completely random. There is a lot to be said about the way we talk to ourselves. I have said it before, our brains are easy to trick into feeling the way we want them to feel, it just takes a little practice. This is the same reason that when we force ourselves to smile for extended periods of time, we actually begin to feel happier. Similarly, if we practice talking about the things around us through the lens of gratitude or at least not through a lens of defeat, we can start to reshape how we view the world around us. 

Relating this to leadership, this is one of those lessons that reinforces the idea that people like to work for happy, confident, and positive people. As a leader, you have a ton of influence on how those around you handle adversity. If a problem arises and you start in with a negative defeated attitude, those around you will follow your lead and take on the same demeanor. If you approach the situation with positivity and a “can do” attitude (even if you aren’t sure you can fix it) it will give those around you more hope for fixing the situation and moving on. Going into April there are not a lot of planned gratitude events on the horizon. It is now your responsibility to make sure you are practicing gratitude. Like many other things we discuss, it is an active practice. Make a plan, change your attitude, and incorporate gratitude into the way you think about the day ahead of you.

-        Bria

Teaching your gifted child gratitude is more than just training him to say “thank you.” That’s an automatic response. It requires no thinking… just certain conditions present. When it comes to teaching gratitude, a parent has to work on the overall attitude of his gifted child. Your toy broke? I’m so sorry. Let’s reflect on the joy that toy gave you and decide if a replacement is required.

    Now, of course, you can’t ask a young child that question in exactly those words, but if you console and then direct him to be thankful for the time he had with it and employ him to work out whether a replacement is needed or he just wants to preserve the memory, you will be teaching your child an attitude of gratitude.

    Why is it even important to teach this? Because without it, we run the risk of raising selfish, materialistic children.  I see this over and over. You’d be surprised how many secondary students I have to teach how to be grateful for the experience in spite of a loss. 

    If this task seems daunting or unrealistic, you are probably going to need to do a check on yourself. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? Are you thankful for what you learn through adversity? Don't cripple your children by blocking all adversity from their lives. This is how kids become thoughtful adults, and thoughtful adults develop attitudes of gratitude.

Michelle

Health Counts!

    Health counts!  This has never been more obvious than in this past year.  The pandemic has caused health to be at the forefront of everyone’s thinking.  However, we have always emphasized at Lawton Academy that a good school curriculum emphasizes fitness in three areas: physical, mental and spiritual.  When any one of these parts of the whole system is out of sync, the whole person breaks down.

    I’ve been watching the research findings constantly for the past twenty years because I’ve been raising yellow warning flags for some time now.  It is finally coming out that our children are suffering in several areas due to extraordinary time being spent on the internet, video games, and cell phones.  Let me note the following observations.

    In 2011, my sixth grade team of students entered eCybermission with a project about the daily consumption of sugar products by our children.  This team won national recognition for their research, collection of data, and proposal for helping to change the amount of sugar consumption by our students.  They won $1,000 each (four students) and an all expense paid trip to Washington D.C. for one week to share with other teams who entered this national contest.

    We found that before lunch time in school each day, students had consumed more than three times the recommended amount of sugar for an entire day!  One of the hidden culprits was the use of juice packets for kids.  Now, twenty years later, we are finding many more students facing obesity and the possibility of diabetes.

    Over these years I have also noted that students were listening to earphones and ear buds at loud sound levels.  I predicted they would be facing hearing loss far sooner than previous generations.  It is becoming evident that hearing loss is already being found among our youth.  We teachers have also noted that children talk much louder and even yell more loudly than was typical in the past.  The shrill cries of toddlers in WalMart are an ongoing reality…not a part of past generations.  It appears that this may be behavior resulting from children not being able to get their parents’ attentions without screaming.  (Perhaps parents are plugged into their own videogames or social media and cannot hear the cries for attention.  Thus, it becomes learned behavior: if you want something, scream at the top of your lungs!)

    Pediatricians are making people aware of the underdevelopment of children’s eyes due to too much time spent at early ages watching video devices.  A more important observation is the underdevelopment of bone density in today’s children.  We have seen more growth plate fractures in wrists, legs, and arms this past two years than we ever did in my entire 50+ year career.  Many people thought I was just blowing it out of proportion.  Well, I have been vindicated by what the Army is now dealing with when young recruits are suffering the same loss of bone density, and thus are being processed out of the service.  It seems so much time has been spent sitting and playing electronic games, etc. that bone density isn’t developing.  This does not surprise me because my husband and I have noted for the past five years or so that no children are being seen outside playing in front of their houses with neighborhood children.  It looks like there are no children in most residential areas.

    Let me move on to mental health.  I’ve already mentioned in past Tri-Opinion blogs that many young people think it is the purpose of social media to gripe about life and to accept the depression that most of them feel.  (Forget the old health lessons about hormones changing.  In fact, most of the young people I’ve talked with have self-diagnosed themselves with bi-polar syndrome!)  

    The younger children are constantly telling everyone how boring it is to go outside…there’s nothing to do.  When told to use their imagination or natural curiosity to explore the many wonders of the great outdoors, they just sit and stare and say, “There’s nothing to do!”  This problem was so bad a few years ago that we actually taught outdoor activities to our summer school students.  Believe it or not, hide and seek and the notion of getting to home base were foreign to most of those kids.  We even developed a “Spy” game where students had to sneak past the spy to recover colored pencils placed at opposite ends of our buildings.  They had a blast!

    Some of the most interesting strategy games are part of our thinking skills curriculum which we insert into team competitions, workshops, etc.  Yes, we believe mental health counts!  It is also on our agenda to do what we can to help children have a good self-image and to be aware of the social needs of others.  Much of this goes along with just practicing good manners!

    The spiritual health of children is also very important to us.  We make it very clear at enrollment time that we owners of Lawton Academy are followers of Jesus (Christians).  This is not a “Christian School” but a school that is provided to the community by Christians.  There is a big difference.  Our purpose is to give children the best educational curriculum we possibly can…better than the average bear!  Therefore, we cannot help but be influenced by our beliefs in the teaching of Jesus.  So, we try to live by His standards…love your neighbor as you love yourself, treat others as you want to be treated, etc.  We also make it a point to let them know that God does love them!  

    This past horrifying week has shown us what a “godless” dictator can do at a moment’s notice!  No one was prepared for the evil outpoured upon the citizens of Ukraine such as Putin has done.  This is a perfect example of a person without a moral compass.  We try to help children to develop a moral compass within.  Those students who feel they have absolute freedom to do whatever they wish in spite of the rights of others, do not get a free pass in our school.  In summary, we discriminate against one thing only: a bad attitude…either on the part of the child or the parent. 

     No, we are not the perfect school.  Yet, just this past week we have heard from three different sources that “Wow!  Your school is so different from most!  If I hadn’t seen this, I wouldn’t have believed it!”  But we can promise this:  we believe in school improvement.  It is the heartbeat of education at Lawton Academy of Arts and Sciences!     Kay

     Our leadership topic this week is health.  I told my students that this counts mental, spiritual, and physical health.  All three are important to anyone, but to a leader, they are super-important. 

Spiritual Health

    Our spirituality is our source of strength.  Even not believing in any Higher Being is a spirituality.  The Oxford Dictionary defines spirituality as the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.  All of us have this concern.  It’s the very essence of taking care of ourselves and those around us.

    Leaders do have a responsibility to be concerned with the human spirit or soul – their own and those of the individuals they lead.  This does not mean they need to dictate what followers believe.  It just means that leaders should allow for the spirituality of their followers.  They should not cause someone to have to defy his spiritual boundaries. 

    You can teach your gifted child this trait by making him aware of all of the different ways people express their spirituality.  If he is aware of many and he knows what he believes, he will be less likely to fall for just anything he is presented.  He will also be a more tolerant leader.

Mental Health

     Our society has become very sensitive to mental health and is encouraging people to take care of their mental health.  This is good.  How do you know if your child has good mental health?  Through communication.  As your child ages, he will be less and less likely to share with you, especially if he thinks something might be wrong.  The only way to get your child to talk to you about troubling issues is to establish a rapport early in the child’s life. 

I used to take my son on “Sonic dates.”  Sonic is an Oklahoma drive-in restaurant.  The reason I chose there is because you have to wait in your car for them to bring your food item.  This always allowed for time just to talk.  Once I had initiated the trip to Sonic as just the two of us and then used it to talk, Justin began asking me if I wanted to go to Sonic any time he had something on his mind.  It became a great way to ask for help without actually having to ask for help.  Once there, the talking just came. 

    I highly recommend spending alone time with each of your children so that they have a safe place to try out ideas, express concerns, or just talk.  If you establish this with your child, as an adult, he will seek a similar listener.  Having someone off which to bounce ideas is so very important in leadership, as much so as having someone close enough to see that something is wrong.

Physical Health

     Here is where we as an American society are failing.  We actually have a generation of kids out there who believe that they are not supposed to ever feel pain or be sick.  They stay home for a headache (not a migraine, just a headache).  They swear they tore a muscle if their legs hurt at all when running.  And they think because a mosquito bite causes a bump that they are “allergic” to mosquitos!  If they are, then we all are.  By running our kids to urgent care every time they sniffle, we have made a very sickly group of children.  Couple that with the morbid obesity we’re seeing in children, and we are not raising a very healthy group.

     Leaders must be present.  It is absolute a must.  If the leader is gone too much, I can guarantee you that someone is plotting how to usurp the authority.  We need to teach our children to push through the small things.  I hurt literally every time I stand up.  That’s arthritis for you.  But I am here.  I am present, and I don’t ask anything of those I lead that I do no ask of myself. 

    You do not have to turn your child into a weight-lifting phenom to help him be a physically healthy leader.  You just need to teach him that physically healthy people are smarter at work and trusted with more.  As leaders, this is what we desire. 

     If your gifted child will cultivate health in these three areas, I guarantee people will follow!

-        Michelle

As a leader, one of the best things you can do is take care of your health. Too often in our society stress and unhealthy behaviors are glorified as a sign that someone is working hard. We look at someone who gets little sleep and skips lunch because they are too busy as a go-getter and a hard worker. Unfortunately, this behavior is rewarded and glamorized and it can be very dangerous in the long term.

I have always worked jobs that go beyond the traditional “9:00-5:00.” Most recently I worked at a place that completely glamorized and idolized working overtime. I remember one time listening to a coworker practically brag that she worked so hard that she actually gave herself an ulcer. The worst part was that everyone else treated that like a badge of honor. Our society rewards “hustling” and calls people who work 15 hours a day “girl bosses.” While it’s great to encourage a hard work ethic, ultimately this promotes dangerous and unhealthy behavior.

The best thing you can do to be as successful as possible is to stay healthy. Your physical health is vital to your performance at work. If you don’t take care of yourself in the short term, you may have serious long term effects. Getting a good night’s sleep is one of the best ways to take care of yourself. Insufficient amounts of sleep can make you groggy and can decrease brain functioning and reaction time. In the long term, lack of sleep can have more serious effects on memory and cognitive functioning and can even lead to an earlier death. Similarly, stress can have serious negative side effects like weight gain, hair loss, and migraines. 

Physical health is not the only type of health that you need to worry about. Mental health is equally if not more important than physical health. Depression and anxiety can creep up on you when steps are not taken to avoid these issues. Once depression sets in it can be all consuming and it can greatly impact your ability to carry out even small, everyday tasks. Unchecked mental health issues can completely derail your life and destroy your productivity. It’s amazing what you can do when you aren’t struggling with these issues.

To be a great leader, you need to be the best version of yourself. You cannot do that if you are struggling with health problems or dealing with mental health issues. Part of doing your job well is taking care of yourself. If you fail to do this, the ramifications can be significant. Start making healthy choices now. Drink water, exercise, sleep, cook healthy meals, and take the time to process your emotions rather than bottling them up inside. These steps are a great start to really take control of your own health. You don’t have to start doing all of these things at once-it won’t stick if you try to do too much too fast. But start small and slowly integrate little healthy habits into your everyday routine. This is the best way to be a great leader and healthy, happy person.

-        Bria

Optimism Counts!

    I have been called an eternal optimist.  I like that moniker. I think my optimism stems from my faith, though.  I believe that God is in control of my life.  No matter what happens, I know that He is in control.  Even when bad things happen, I know that He can work it to good as long as I’m in His will.  This makes it somewhat easy to be optimistic.

    I think the example of a coach is the best example of optimistic leadership.  The coach who leads his team to believe that it can win is a coach to be praised.  The coach whose pep talk includes the words “We’re going to lose, but…” does not win the favor of a team or those watching.  If the team is losing, the coach spends half time reminding them that they can do it.  They can be victorious.  Afterwards, he does not accuse the team of being a bunch of losers.  He tells them areas in which they were weak, and he makes a plan to work on those areas. 

    If we adopt this same approach with our gifted kids, we can help them avoid the pessimism that so many gifted develop over time.  We have to coach them through their losses.  We have to help them see that no one wins all of the time.  If a child learns that he will win some and lose some, but he only loses face if he loses badly, he will grow to be optimistic about his chances.

    More threatening is the tendency for gifted kids to become sinical teens and adults.  It is so easy to think that they are the smartest ones in the room at all times.  It is easy to grow weary of dealing with those they find unintelligent.  It’s typical for them to see patterns and begin to believe that change cannot occur.  As teachers and parents of gifted, we must fight this tendency with everything we’ve got.  Begin by teaching optimism, and then move to mercy and recognition that everyone is stupid to someone.  If you take the time to cultivate optimism and patience with others, your gifted children will become valuable members of society.

-        Michelle

Optimism is a hard topic to discuss when we are going on year three of a global pandemic. The world is kind of a scary place right now, and our kids are definitely aware of that. It is easy for a student to look at the world around him and think that the future is bleak. When they get discouraged, it can be a domino effect that leads to apathy and a lack of motivation. But it is in times like these that optimism matters the most. 

When you get into a routine of being pessimistic, you are inviting more negativity into your life. Attitude is something that I believe to be contagious. So, when you are generally negative to the people around you, they will likely start to be negative back to you. Negativity building on negativity can cause a spiral that is very hard to get out of. The good news is that the same thing can be said for positivity. If you are genuinely positive to the people around you, even if they are mostly negative, they won’t be able to help but give some of that positivity back to you. People like to be around positive people. While commiserating about things with friends or colleagues might bring you together, relationships built on a foundation of negativity or mutual hatred of another thing or person are bound to fizzle out eventually. 

The hardest part about being optimistic if you are generally a pessimistic person is just starting to think positively. If your brain is in the routine of producing negative thoughts, it is difficult to start thinking positively. There is a popular life coach online who addresses this challenge through the idea of negative self-talk. If I lost you at life coach, this person is a Harvard law school graduate and very acclaimed in her career, so it’s not your run-of-the-mill life coach working out of a strip mall. She recognizes that when you are used to having negative thoughts about yourself, it is pretty near impossible to jump straight to positive thoughts about yourself. While you could start by saying that you are dumb, and then convince yourself to say that you are smart, that doesn’t make you automatically believe that you are smart. 

In her coaching, she has coined the idea of neutral thoughts as a stepping-stone to positive thoughts. For example, if her client starts by saying, “I have a disgusting body,” she cannot expect this person to jump immediately to, “I have a beautiful body.” Instead, she uses an intermediate neutral phrase like, “I have a human body.” This might sound silly, but it can help your brain start to transition from thinking your body is disgusting to acknowledging that it is human and normal. Then when you go to start the next step of believing your body is beautiful, you aren’t starting from believing it is disgusting, but just from believing it is normal. That is a much easier jump to make. It all still takes time and dedication, but there is a way to train a negative brain to be more positive. 

I believe that this same principle can be applied to becoming more optimistic. If you throw yourself into it and just start declaring positive statements and completely turn your personality around overnight, it will not come off as genuine and ultimately your brain is likely still negating everything you are saying out loud inside your head. However, if you start simple by doing something like recognizing when you are having a negative thought and then turning it into a neutral or even positive thought, eventually you will start having less and less negative thoughts. Any easy way to do this is when you have a thought like, “this is a bad day.” Instead stop and think about it and reframe it to say, “I have had worse days, and I overcame them. This could still be a good day.” Your brain is easy to manipulate - when you tell it stuff, especially when it is repetitive, it starts to believe it. It’s the same reason why smiling when you are upset can actually trick your brain into releasing dopamine and actually making you happier. To your brain, you are using all the muscles to smile, so you must be happy - there’s no way you are just holding your mouth like that. There are a lot of little tricks like this that can help you overcome negativity. 

I didn’t spend a whole lot of time talking about why you need optimism for your career. But I believe it is fairly obvious. People like happy people. They want to be led by people who inspire them and encourage them. Having a good personality and being optimistic can carry you far in your career. It could be the extra bonus that edges out your competition and earns you a promotion or opportunity. Additionally, once you become the leader, you will more likely retain your employees for a long time if you are positive and optimistic. You spend a lot of time with your coworkers and colleagues. One negative person can really ruin the whole experience for everyone involved. Be the reason that someone else keeps his job for a long time rather than the reason he is looking for other opportunities. 

-        Bria

Etiquette Counts!

    Etiquette counts! At least to those over fifty!  We grew up in a time when manners and good behavior were considered most important.  Today, it is almost an anomaly to find many young people who show good manners in public…much less in everyday interactions with their family and friends.  Am I exaggerating? I do not believe so.  Let me list some of the sights I see every day among young people.

    Opening and holding open doors for others is no longer the norm.  Even adults will shove ahead of others…and pass through without any kind of gesture or thanks.

    Talking in full voice while someone else is speaking…drowning out the original speaker is a common practice, as is raising your hand while someone is still speaking.  Holding up that hand for attention during a speech the entire time is also a practice among students and some adults.

    Taking turns is almost unheard of anymore.  Some people even break into a full run to be first in line…no matter what the line is for or where it may lead.

    “Finder’s keepers” is rampant…even when the finder knows full well who dropped or misplaced the article found.

    Trash cans are almost unnecessary because people throw their trash anywhere but in the cans…or most often just leave all trash on the ground, floor, etc. where they were.  

    Today’s students “love” to play with toys, games, etc. by seeing how many ways they can break them…and how quickly it can be done.

    Now I am sure most readers will say this is just not so.  I beg to differ with you.  I witness these things and many more every day.  I have not even mentioned the use of four-letter words, name calling, and arguing with those in authority.  Perhaps these are some of the reasons teachers are leaving the profession in droves.  Regardless, our society is not passing on the tenets of etiquette.

    I would encourage everyone to read the “12 Rules to Help You Raise a Juvenile Delinquent” which the Houston Police Department compiled from their reports over years.  You can find it on the Internet.  I see parents (and grandparents) allowing these things to happen every day with many of our children.  Perhaps if we could get this message out to them, we would see more etiquette and manners being practiced.  And, if that were to happen, perhaps the end result would be less violence in our country!    Kay