Rest?  Rest?  What is this rest of which you speak?

     That’s how I feel often!  There is no rest for the weary, and I am very weary! 

      I learned of a twenty-five-year study earlier this month that showed that at least seven hours of sleep are needed a night to rid the brain of toxins and set the memories of the day.  Without it, toxins remain (which might explain dementia) and memories are lost.  I’ve been endeavoring to get at least seven hours of sleep now.  That’s a good start of rest. 

       How important must rest be for God Himself to make getting rest a commandment?!  That was a good idea because workaholics like myself would feel guilty every time we weren’t busily working.  This gives us a reason for an occasional break!

       I feel you shaking your head right now.  I haven’t always been this busy, not do I plan to stay this busy.  It’s a season through which every business owner goes while building the business.  Already I am feeling relief in some areas.  I have been able to attend two choir concerts without working even one bit of them.  I’ve just come and enjoyed.  And they both were great!

       I can think of no better occupation than teaching for getting the required rest.  Sure, we run like a jack rabbit right up till the last day of school.  But then, we get at least a couple of months to plan leisurely our next ten months of running like a jack rabbit.  It is a mandatory rest break, and teachers absolutely need it.  We teachers could get so much more done if students would just stay home, but that kind of defeats the purpose!  So, we get massive amounts done during the summer.  Only, we’re watching television while we do it, or we’re working at the school but without the constant “Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith.”  Getting to actually plan ahead and be caught up on grading is probably my favorite rest there is.  There’s an accomplished feeling in being “done.”

       I feel sorry for the people who work year-round.  I guess that’s where “casual Fridays” came from.  The weekend is great, but there is a better rest that comes from knowing all of your ducks are in a row at the end of the week before you come back to work on Monday.  Casual Fridays could almost be considered a necessary-must for having good rest.

       Your kids need rest, too.  I can understand the parent who allows his child to stay up later on the weekends.  What I don’t understand is parents who allow their teens to go nocturnal all summer.  Do you know how long it takes to get them back on the correct schedule?  I can tell my recently nocturnal teens because they are asleep on the couches and chairs in the lobby at all breaks! 

        Be careful that you don’t plan so much on vacations, as well, that your kids come back and need Monday off to rest from being so busy.  We teachers always shake our heads at that one.  You need a vacation from your vacation?  Give me a break. 

    It is important that we teach our children to value stillness.  Give them a place outside to read, make a garden and seat for them to watch insects and such.  Designate one room in the house in which any family member can go for up to 30 minutes and have complete silence and no interruptions.  There are so many ways to practice and to teach our kids rest.

     Speaking of which, this is our last TriOpinion entry for this school year.  We will be back about August 8.  Have a restful summer!

-          Michelle

I don’t know about you, but I could really use a vacation. For the last posting of this school year, we are talking about rest. It feels weird to think back to the beginning of the pandemic and remember how much forced downtime there was. For many people, it was a necessary pause that allowed them to re-examine the pace at which they had been running their lives. While most people got to a point where they were stir crazy, the time at home taught many people an important lesson about rest.

When you look at rest as sleeping, you can see that our bodies use sleeping as a time to repair. Every night while you sleep there are important processes occurring in your body that are vital to the healthy continuation of your life. While sleeping is the automatic first definition we think of with rest, it is not the one that I would like to focus on now. 

In your lifetime and in your career, you will always have times of the year that are extremely busy. Right now at school we are making up for this lost time last semester by cramming in as much as possible to these few final weeks. It’s hard on the teachers, and it’s also hard on the students. I can tell that our very involved high schoolers are reaching the end of their energy supply. But we are all able to push through, because we know that in 11 days it will be summer vacation!

 In previous careers, I did not have a summer vacation, but there would be busier times of the year, and times when there wasn’t as much going on. It’s important to have that slower period to look forward to. It gives you an end goal to work towards and a promise that things will get easier. If you find yourself in a career that doesn’t have slower periods you are likely experiencing what is known as burnout. While so many people got to slow down during the pandemic, healthcare worker’s jobs got even harder. In that situation they did not have that end goal in sight because no one knew when things would get better. That is an incredibly tough position to be in. While some people can thrive in that type of environment for periods of time, it is not a good long-term solution, and it is hard on your body and mind. 

When you find yourself in those periods of rest, really try to take that time to rejuvenate yourself. For highly motivated people it is easy to say, “work is slower now, so let’s fix all of the problems around the house.” Being stressed about your home life instead of your work life is not real rest. You might not have a long time to rest, but when you do have that time, listen to what your body needs. Give yourself 20 more minutes lying in bed in the morning or sit in your backyard for an hour at night. Maybe rest for you is watching a show, if so, let yourself go on to that next episode when you would normally turn off the television. Whatever it is that makes you feel rejuvenated, make sure that you allow yourself to do that. Giving yourself moments to rest will allow you to recharge and feel more prepared when you do return to the fast-paced world in which we all live. 

I hope you are able to get some rest this summer. Even if you are working straight through, I hope you are able to go to the lake on a weekend or enjoy a cup of coffee and a sunrise. It has been a really hard year for mental health, and we all need rest now more than ever. I wish you a peaceful and enjoyable summer. We will see you in August!

-          Bria

Voice

Back before any “matter”-related movements came about, I interned for a social change organization in Chicago with the tagline, “Your voice matters.” At the time, I understood that that was a nice sentiment, but I didn’t understand how important that concept was. Your voice is something of which you are in control, and it affects how others perceive you.

When you think about your voice, your first thought is likely related to the actual sound your vocal cords produce when you speak. Some people have very unique voices, others more common, and many people hate the sound of their own voices. When we talk about defining your voice for leadership, we aren’t talking about the actual vocal quality and audible sound produced. We are talking about the context and content that that sound creates. 

As a leader, you have a lot of opportunities to get your voice out there. Communication is incredibly important, and it is essential to running a successful business. It is also vital that you establish your voice before others have the chance to define it for you. If you are a person who does not speak up much, people will start to get ideas in their heads about what you may or may not be thinking. As humans, we don’t like to have information gaps, so when we are not presented with adequate information, our brain fills in details to help us understand. This means that when you are not shaping your voice by speaking up, people are creating stories to check a mental block of understanding your opinions and feelings. This is not a good position to put yourself in. You need to be active in your communication so that people will know your voice and know what you believe.

We need to use our voice to inform others and shape their perceptions of us, but we also have a responsibility to use our voice. As a leader, you should use your voice to speak up for those who have not been given the same platform as you. When you see injustice in the world, it is your responsibility to speak out against it. Doing this can reinforce your voice and your stances amongst those around you. It can also strengthen your relationships because people will see you as someone who stands up for what he believes in.

Establishing your voice also has some more selfish motives. When you have established a clear voice, other people can defend you against false claims. If someone in your life is claiming that you said or did something out of character, those around you who have learned your voice can easily understand when the claim does not fit into what you have established as your voice. When you establish your voice, it is easier to disavow negative statements that people attribute to you because the people around you will recognize that that is not your voice. 

One final piece of advice for establishing your voice is to set some guidelines for yourself. Think about what you want to communicate to the world and put specific things off limits. Consciously doing this will help you maintain the voice that you want to put into the world. When you set and maintain standards for how you communicate, you are more in control of the voice you are communicating to everyone around you. 

                                                            Bria

“Voice” is a good subject for this time of the academic year.  As the end of school nears, I am acutely aware of several situations brought about by the use of the voice.  Added to the excitement of thoughts about summer vacation is the battering of the emotions by one storm front after another here in tornado alley!  Many of our staff are now experiencing a loss of their voices due to the hyperactivity of the students, the pollen in the air, and the moisture which ushers in yet another cold front!

    “Voice” also comes to my mind as we are in the middle of interviewing prospective students for the new year.  With a family of owners, each with distinctive personalities, it is most important that we speak with one “voice” concerning our mission, goals, standard operating procedures, etc.  

    Our faculty members who have been with us for a good length of time are also watching to see that their “voice” is consistent with ours.  Only when we are united in purpose will success be attainable.  People will trust us if we do not send mixed messages and if we stay true to our word.  Trust is a valuable asset.

    “Voice” can also be a factor in getting students to believe in themselves.  Our tone of voice can convince our students to take risks, to reach for new goals, and to rise to the top of any endeavor.  We are, if you will, “cheerleaders” for our students.  It is through our positive and upbeat dialogue with our students that trepidation is erased and replaced with faith and hope and a willingness to try to reach new plateaus.

    As my first grade students have grown and become very good readers, they are now working on the skills of “voice” in their oral reading.  Fluency is so important for understanding and comprehending what is being read.  But fluency is also desired by listeners so they may better enjoy the story being read.  Parents who have faithfully read “to” and “with” their young children this year, have given them a tremendous foundation for future reading with understanding. 

    Dr. Seuss wrote a book called Horton Hears a Who which causes the reader to become aware of unseen and often overlooked “small things” in life.  Lawton Academy is like that.  We keep a soft voice, not seeking to be heard over the media with expansive and exhausting news releases.  We use our voice to inform our parents and friends of the great happenings within our school.  It is the voice of our students and parents who have caused others to hear the “voice” of our school.   In the end, I think that is how it should be…let the students themselves become the voice of Lawton Academy’s success stories and accomplishments!   

-          Kay

     Having lost my high pitches in my voice for over a year, I can tell you that not being able to make the sounds you used to make when you’re doing everything exactly as you have before is extremely distressing! But that’s not the type of voice we’re going to talk about today. Our “voice” is the characteristics usually present when one speaks or writes. If you’ve followed our blog long, you can recognize each of our different “voices.” Kay notes changes in education and children over the years. Bria speaks to the student. And I talk to the parents. Kay’s writing seeks to warn, Bria seeks to educate, and I seek to instruct.  

    Whether you actually write or publically speak or not, you have a “voice.” Even silence is a “voice.”

     Parents, it is important that you help your gifted kid develop a gracious voice. So many gifted kids have been told that people just don’t understand them because they are so smart, and they’ve been giving permission to talk down to people. I guarantee you that it’s not because other people don’t understand your child. People know when they’re being talked down to - even kids know it - and they ostracize kids who do it. They also avoid walking “fountains of knowledge.” No one wants to sit and listen to all your child has learned on Discovery Channel that week. When you allow your child to tell you every detail, you are signaling your child that other children will find this knowledge valuable. Nothing could be further from the truth.

   Teach your child to know his audience. Long discussions of what he finds amazing should be saved for someone who enjoys that topic as much as he. Most people at school and work, though, like small talk. If you teach your gifted child how to make small talk, I guarantee that people will be more open to listening when he/she writes or publicly speaks on a broader topic. The voice behind the writing or speech will be more empathetic to the listeners, and your child will have had practice with keeping audiences engaged. 

        Michelle

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

     This week we have been talking to the kids about the many “picture” synopses we give in our lives. The visual impression a person makes when he enters a room, the intellectual impression from a homework assignment, and the story a transcript tells are all examples. We have encouraged the kids to consider what they want those 1000 words to be.

     We parents think about the “picture” our children are presenting all the time. It’s a main part of our job to make sure they are representing well. How much thought do we put into the picture we are presenting to them? If the normal person sees a thousand words, I can guarantee your gifted kid sees beyond the words to the inferences, the implications, and even the possible future uses!! My teachers and I get to hear our words and actions thrown back at us constantly because we’re surrounded by gifted kids. If one is not used to it, it can be very infuriating. 

    Many parents seek to hide fallacies from their children, but I would encourage you to not do this with gifted kids.  They need to know that you sometimes fail, and they need to see you rise above it.  Showing them a picture of recovery is incredibly important to getting then to try new activities.  If your “picture” is perfection, they will shy away from new activities because of the potential to fail and thereby disappoint you.

    In our weekly video on this leadership lesson, I told the kids that great painters throughout history have painted picture over picture over picture.  Canvases may have as many as fifteen other paintings started below the final piece.  In this same way, if our “picture” does not present a thousand good words, we can “paint” over it.  This translates to asking for forgiveness when we’ve presented a picture of intolerance or a second chance when we’ve really messed up.  Your child will not know how to do that unless he and she has watched you do it.  So, don’t hesitate to let your children see many of the “pictures” you present to the world.  They will fear failure less if they know that perfection is not the expectation.

-       Michelle     

Everyone has heard the phrase, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Many people use this idiom to say that it is easier to show something in a picture than it is to describe it with words. While this is definitely true, I believe there is another way to interpret this phrase in that the pictures we are presenting to the world can communicate a thousand words. As in all uses of communication, it is best for us to be in control of what we are communicating about ourselves. So how do we manage what the “pictures” in our life communicate about us?

Picture this: your boss comes into work with messy hair, bags under his eyes, an extra large cup of coffee, and a stack of papers two feet high. How do you interpret that image? Most people would look at that image and say that person is stressed and tired and we should do things to make his life easier rather than harder today. Even though your boss looks rough, you would likely interpret this as a bad day rather than a sloppy person. Similarly, when you go on a first date and it is clear that your date dressed up, planned a nice restaurant, and took an extra step like getting a haircut, you will interpret that that person cares a lot about the success of this date and is interested in you. 

Both of the examples I used above had easy to read pictures with clear correct answers for how people would perceive the images. This concept gets messy when there is more gray area in the images you put out. A great example from a teacher perspective is how students present themselves when they are tired. Oftentimes, older students who are experiencing exhaustion can display images of boredom, depression, sloppiness, or anger. When a student comes in with a hood up over his head and a general disinterest in being around other people, it is hard to tell if he is tired, angry, or many other emotions that could fit that behavior. While some people might understand that this person is tired, others might believe that the person is being disrespectful or might be angry with him. There are a lot of similar situations that occur every day. Most non-confrontational people will never bring up if they feel that the person is being disrespectful, and that perception will never be corrected, but it will shape how people think about the person in question.

This same thought can be applied to all of the images we portray of ourselves. Whether it is more of a snapshot of a moment in our life, or an actual image we share online, people are hearing a thousand words. Sometimes their interpretation is spot on, and other times it is very inaccurate. We cannot fix what people think about us in their heads, but we can do more to control the images we put out into the world. When we are putting out positive, strong, responsible images, there is less chance for misinterpretation. Think about what your image says about you. If you look at yourself, and you don’t think what you want others to think about you, you should take the time to fix it. You are completely in control of how you portray yourself to the world. Make sure the image they see is a good one.

-       Bria

Focus

    “Focus” is the leadership topic for this week…something I have been doing to the max during this achievement testing period in our school.  My attention has been focused upon several things in particular.  We have updated our ITBS testing to a new edition which brought the norms up to the 2017 level.  The tests we have owned and used for years have been based upon the norms of 2005.

    I was a little nervous about this change, especially since we had such a strange year with the Covid Pandemic making virtual learning necessary from March through May.  However, as I am digesting all the information we are gaining about our students and their learning this past year, I am feeling very good.  Students who were in attendance in our school last year (yes, this includes the virtual period) not only didn’t lose ground…they are scoring very high compared to the national norms.  This is exciting to me!

    I have always focused upon the learner and the curriculum.  Our corporation is based upon matching learning objectives to our learners’ needs. It appears that our staff has carried out this mission faithfully.  What has amazed me is that these updated norms show just how advanced our teaching methods and objectives are compared to the majority of schools.  Perhaps that is a good reason for schools to hire and/or keep older teachers…for we might bridge the gap between learning objectives in place when the United States was #1 among nations of the world in education rather than the very low standing we find ourselves in today.

    I laugh and say that I want to be sure our students are as smart as their grandparents were when they were in school.  So, I keep my focus upon those objectives which are universal and necessary regardless of changes in our society.  We focus upon the processes of thinking, application of skills, and synthesizing information and creating new products.  

    Yes, we must deal with our students’ focusing issues daily in our classes.  All of our teachers work hard to help increase the attention span of our students.  Probably the biggest challenge we have is convincing our students that it is necessary to take notes, to memorize and remember important facts for immediate reference.  The majority of today’s young people believe that they will always have the internet close at hand to answer any question they may have.  This just isn’t true to life.  

    The exposure to slick media productions has removed our youth from viewing mistakes or mishaps happening right before their eyes.  I remember many live TV productions I viewed as a child in which it was common to see and hear bloopers…and to watch how the persons involved got themselves out of the mistakes.  Today’s children do not understand dealing with such situations.  Everything they see is perfectly edited and remarkable!  It is for these reasons we require all of our students to get out of their comfort zones and to try new tasks and challenges.  Improvisations at the secondary level also teach them to think on their feet!

    As I continue to focus upon the report I am preparing about how we have achieved during this pandemic year, I am pleased with the preliminary results we are seeing.  It confirms what we believe: continuous progress learning works!       Kay

I love talking about focus because I believe that it is in the top three most important life skills for people to master. If you are anything like me, you have days where you are not feeling focused and days where you feel very focused. On those really focused days I feel unstoppable. I can accomplish twice as much as I do on a non-focused day. If you have experienced this, you probably find yourself chasing that feeling of being incredibly focused, because it feels good to get things done efficiently. 

So how do we get more focused in our day to day lives? It’s great when a focus day comes along and we can do everything we planned to do in a day in three hours, but wouldn’t it be better to spread this out and be better on most days? Well the good news is that focus is something that can very much be learned and trained. We have talked about some leadership skills that are innate and can be taught over time, but most people are born with those inclinations. While some people might be born with a greater capacity for focusing than others, focusing is a skill that you can fully develop even if you start at the lowest point of that ability. 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, guided meditation is so important for finding focus. Some people are immediately turned off to the idea of meditation because of stigmas surrounding the practice. Some might believe that it is spiritual or promoting a belief system that contradicts their own. While this type of meditation exists in the world, the large majority of meditation shared in a modern context is non-religious/non-spiritual. Another thing that keeps people from trying meditation is the idea that it is too “hippie-dippy,” “new age,” or just plain silly. Meditation gets a reputation for being very verbally flowery, but the best guided meditations discuss the science of your brain and why it easily gets distracted. Lastly, people are uncomfortable with the idea of meditating in a group of people, especially strangers. Gone are the days of going to a class at the library or your public gym to meditate in a group of people you do not know and to inevitably hear someone in the back snoring. Nowadays apps like Headspace and Calm provide inexpensive subscriptions to countless guided meditations that you can do anywhere you can bring your phone. 

I personally use Headspace. What I appreciate is that it categorizes goals of the meditation practice in different multi-day courses. Topics like “finding focus,” “managing anxiety,” and “dealing with distractions” equip you with the ability to strengthen your focus and cut back on what is distracting you. Focus is just like a muscle, you need to continually use it and strengthen it to improve it. Setting aside 5-10 minutes a day to work on your focus is just like setting aside time at the gym to work on your physical fitness. SImilarly, over time you will begin to notice that exercises are getting easier. You can put yourself more quickly into a state of focus. 

If you have never tried working on your focus, try this simple practice today. Put a timer on for 6 minutes. Go somewhere quiet and sit or lay down. Close your eyes and use the time to focus on different parts of your body. Start with the top of your head and move down. As you get to each new part of your body take a second to realize how that part is feeling. Is it comfortable? Is there any pain there? Go throughout your whole body and if the timer isn’t done yet then pick one thing you want to accomplish that day and really think about it. Everytime your mind starts to wander from the topic, recognize that feeling and go back to planning. The practice of acknowledging distractions and resetting can help strengthen your focus in the long run. Eventually you will find yourself with less distractions as you strengthen the awareness and correction of these distractions. Just like the gym, results won’t happen overnight. But with a little dedication, you can easily improve and sharpen your focus, great benefitting other areas of your life.                                                   - Bria

    Ask any teacher who has been back to live teaching in the classroom how quarantining has affected student focus, and you are going to hear a groan.  The kids have come back from their four or five-month mandatory lockdown talking louder and much more.  They talk to their games, the computer, their shows, and anyone within ten feet.  I have a theory that they were ignored a lot because Mom and Dad were trying to work from home and couldn’t have the interruptions.  This didn’t deter them from trying to get their parents’ attention; they just went into the autodrive: “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom…”

   They have continued this chaotic, chatter-filled existence in their classrooms.  The only difference is that we are paid to pay attention to them.  Even so, they continue the incessant talking and sound effects.  It is very hard to get the kids to settle down and focus on the lesson at hand. 

    I know there are those who believe that these kids are no different than all the other kids their age who have trouble focusing, but I’m telling you that it is different.  I’ll give you an example.  Our fourth graders had been working on knowing their state capitals for geography class for eight weeks.  They’d played games and raced writing in answers on maps.  By all opinions, they should have been ready to pass a test at this basic recall level at any point after the third week.  Yet, when given the task of naming the capitals of each state eight weeks after their introduction and all of the practicing, only eight of the twenty-three could score enough correct to receive an A.  This was knowledge-level information!

  Those same kids had a full school year to memorize their lines for our musical.  Six days before the performance, we were only able to get through nine pages of practice due to me having to prompt almost every line.  I told them that on Monday, every time they could not pick up the line from a first three words-prompt, I was taking their recess for a day so that they could stay in and write their lines.  Over the weekend, they focused, and we covered 25 pages that Monday in the same amount of time we had covered nine.

  Now, one could argue that this is a case of procrastination, and I can see that line of reasoning.  The kids, though, griped of not being able to hold themselves to the task of memorizing.  It wasn’t till a threat was issued that they began to get serious about limiting distractions.

  Twenty-one Pilots (a singing group) has a song in which the singer laments about his car radio being stolen, and now he has to listen to the thoughts in his head… and he doesn’t like it.  My own teen students echo this sentiment.  Could there be a connection? Could the reason the kids like constant media feeds and constant noise be because they are too afraid to be left alone with their thoughts.  We do know that many teens are habitually self-demeaning, and this seems to stem from what they read about themselves from others on the Internet.  Could the fact that we are also telling them “Not now, honey” and buying them tablets and gaming systems to keep them occupied and out of our hair be reinforcing the idea that their thoughts are not worth hearing?   

    In a world competing at every turn for our attention, we have got to learn to unplug and give our full focus to the people who matter to us.  No, not all day.  Just pick a time.  “Honey, I’m going to finish up this project.  I will don’t at 6:00, and dinner isn’t until 6:30.  Let’s you and I sit down and you can tell me all about this project of yours.”  Most kids I know reason that they better make it good.  They will focus on getting as much in as possible in the allotted twenty-five minutes. 

   If you find your child has becoming much more “annoying” (for lack of a better word) since the pandemic, take it as a sign.  Your child is feeling like he is not a focus.  Pinpoint some time and see if junior doesn’t start scheduling focus times with you!

-          Michelle

Being SNIOPed

     Okay, I must admit that, while I did find this acronym in Ziglar’s book, it was not used as a verb.  I think that’s a trend that grew more after his book’s publishing.  SNIOP stands for Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People.  So, to be SNIOPed is to allow yourself to be in a position to be susceptible to the negative influence.

     We all know those who can really drain us with their negativity.  I personally feel that our kids have a multitude of negative influencers thanks to the Internet.  It can be very hard to escape negativity.  So, it follows that we teachers and parents have the responsibility of teaching our kids how not to be susceptible to their negative influences.   How do we do this?  We need to be a voice to which our children will listen.  Becoming that voice begins early.  When my son reached sixth grade, I began taking him to Sonic for a treat.  It was just the two of us.  As we sat in the car and waited for our dessert, we would talk about anything and everything.  Pretty soon, when my son had a problem about which he needed to talk, he would ask if I wanted to go to Sonic.  It became our unwritten arrangement for having a serious discussion.  Now, I’ll not lead you to believe that he and I agree on everything, but I will tell you that we can talk about anything. 

   My daughter and I have always shared.  What I was not equipped naturally to do was to not solve problems for her.  She was a junior before she finally got me to understand that sometimes she just needs to vent and for me to listen.  That was a very freeing day for both of us!

   If you establish a dialogue with your children, you can be a positive voice in their ears.  That’s all we can really do to combat the enormous amount of negativity in the world.  Oh, there is one other thing we can do:  we have to not be SNIOPed either!

                           Michelle

Think about the people you have met who you are compelled to spend more time with. There are typically a lot of small factors that attract you to a particular person. In general, I believe it could be said that a big part of what draws us to certain people is their attitude. When you are around a positive person that energy is contagious. The same can be said about the demeanor of anyone with whom we spend a significant amount of time. 

In an ideal world, we would constantly be surrounded by positive people who make us feel good about ourselves. In a more realistic setting, we encounter a handful of these people throughout our lives while the vast majority is either neutral or negative. Think about the most negative person you know. How do you feel after spending time with that person? For me, I would say mostly I feel drained. Where the super positive people in my life give me energy and joy, the super negative people leave me feeling tired and tense. 

What I don’t want to do with this piece is promote toxic positivity. If you are not familiar, toxic positivity is a belief that one should always remain positive even in the most dire of situations. There are times when the people around us are going to be going through something or having a bad day. I don’t want us to turn our backs on the people around us when they are hurting. We cannot simply live in a positive, happy bubble and isolate ourselves from the pain and hardships. What we can do though is manage how other people’s negativity affects us. 

The problem with negativity comes when it is habitual and constant. We as humans will all experience periods of sadness and pain, some more than others. But for many, negativity can become routine and habitual. That is when it becomes very problematic. It is easier for many people to be negative rather than positive, and that negativity can easily spread from person to person. Negative groupthink is validating to many people because it makes them feel included in something. This is a big problem amongst teenagers. They are already inclined to have negative thoughts as they are going through a lot of changes and starting to feel oppressed by the authorities in their life. Teenage years are also a time where kids can experience isolation. Oftentimes, kids who aren’t inherently negative will join in on negativity as a way to fit in. The problem with this is your brain stops distinguishing acting from reality and you can easily become a habitually negative thinker without intending to be one. 

It is hard, especially as an adolescent, to break apart from the crowd. There is a fear of being othered that suppresses opposing views. If you do not have the confidence to set yourself aside from the negativity, you must at the very least learn how to keep others’ negativity from impacting you. A good first step is to not add on to their negative comments. If your friend is complaining about something, you can listen and support them without escalating that complaint. For example, if your coworker is complaining about your boss, it is better to respond with statements like, “I’m sorry you are experiencing that,” then, “you’re right he’s an idiot, I bet you could do his job better than he can.” The former statement shows support and understanding, while the latter statement escalates a situation and could lead your coworker into an emotional spiral. 

Another way to combat negativity from others is to balance the negative and positive people you keep close to you. When you have more face time with a positive person, it can allow you to be more easygoing with your more negative friends and not escalate emotional responses. Another strategy is to change the subject. When your negative friend starts going down a rough path in the conversation, try talking about something you know they enjoy. The more time spent talking about negative ideas, the easier it is to fall into a pattern of negative talk. Lastly, check in on yourself and how you are communicating with others. Make sure you are not one of the negative people in someone else’s life. If you determine that you are, take some steps to work on that. You can start your day with simple gratitude exercises that will help start you out on a positive note. You can also practice recognizing when you are speaking negatively in a conversation and try redirecting yourself. Being able to be generally positive in your communication is a really important life skill. It is never too early to start practicing positivity.

-          Bria

I like this acronym, SNIOP, and I think it can be easily detected and identified by almost anyone.  (Being Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People). I plan to use this new word as I teach my students about overcoming negative influences in our lives.  I don’t know why I haven’t used it before or even thought about it until Michelle brought it to our attention this week.

    When the Oklahoma State Department of Education selected me as a member of a team to be part of an eleven-state consortium for Arts for the Gifted and Talented in California, I had the wonderful and exciting opportunity to be introduced to some of the leading researchers in the new “brain research” just starting to hit the media.  Some of the experiments demonstrated at that time confirmed (at least to me) how strong a force negative thinking can be.  

    My husband received his clinical hypnosis training previous to my appointment to this consortium, and I was already aware of the potential of the human mind through his work.  It astounded me that as educators we had ignored much of this information.  In fact, the very beginning of our corporation (A.B.R.A.I.N. Applied Brain Research Alters Instructional Needs) grew out of this experience.

    Now, some thirty years later, I am able to track the positive gains made by doing exactly what the research was telling us long ago.  Students who have benefitted from this research and its application to our teaching methods are many.  Of course, I like to share and talk about the positive aspects rather than the “negative” sides of using such research information.  However, I am well aware of the strength of negativity in any setting.  I gave up the notion I had been taught as a youngster: “One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch,” long ago.  

    Many times, I tried hard to help a student who was having a negative influence upon the class, only to find that the ultimate solution was to remove that student completely.  It is a hard decision which causes much restlessness, sleepless nights, and feelings of failure and frustration.  However, for the greater good, I have had to make such a decision more than once.  Each time, the results were wonderful for the class as a whole…but not always so good for the “bad apple” being removed.  In fact, one such former student had his life ended by being shot to death by the law enforcement-officers years later.

    People who know me, know I take my calling to teach very seriously.  I often ruffle some feathers when I won’t give in to negative influences in our school.  However, if I am to stand for our principles, or if I am to live my life as Jesus taught, I will not please everyone.  So, it has been our standard statement (Mr. Johnson and I) that “we do discriminate against ONE thing only in our school…that is a BAD ATTITUDE…either on the part of the student or the parent.”

We are willing to teach and help anyone who enrolls in our school with a “can do attitude” and who is willing to work with us to help themselves to a good education!

    One of the secrets to having a good attitude is to not let your life be susceptible to the negative influences of other people which is so prevalent on the internet!  Little did my generation foresee what a colossal influence this communication technology was going to have on our young people and all generations to come. Thus, I spend a lot of time praying for our youth and our nation as well as our world.  Prayer is the positive influence I continue to use in battling these outside influences…while helping students to believe in themselves and the great possibilities they have been given with this wonderful thing called the “human brain!”   

-           Kay

Resourcefulness

We continue our leadership lessons today by discussing resources versus resourcefulness. In our country, those with resources are highly rewarded. Oftentimes these resources are financial, but they can also come in the form of power. Having these things gives you an advantage in a capitalist society. When you have resources you are able to influence others to get the things you want in life. 

It is not inherently bad for people to have resources. But the way in which those resources are distributed is the issue. For some people, resources are earned through hard work. In an ideal world, everyone would be able to thrive in that scenario. However, inequity comes when there are some people who earn resources and some who are given resources simply because they were born a certain way or into a specific family. This is unfair because some people can work hard for resources and never receive even a portion of the resources that another person has from doing nothing and inheriting resources. 

So how do you climb the ladder of success without easy access to resources that make the world go round? You make yourself indispensable in other ways. Being resourceful is a super power in the workplace. We have talked in the past about the importance of being a problem solver. Resourcefulness helps quickly and efficiently solve issues that arise so they do not become major roadblocks. 

Being able to easily navigate difficulties and overcome hardships is a skill that will take you very far in your career. When you work in a fast paced environment, problems pop up all the time. Sometimes the problems are little and easy to work around, and sometimes they derail your entire team and demand immediate action. In those scenarios, your boss will look for resourceful people to help quickly and thoroughly solve the problems. If that person is typically you, there is a good chance that your boss will remember that the next time you are up for a promotion or raise. 

Resources will take you very far in the world, but they are not the only way to get ahead. If you, like many Americans, were not born into power and money, you still have the chance to make a good life for yourself. To do this, it is very important that you are resourceful. A good work ethic can distinguish you from peers, but if you pair that with resourcefulness, you will become an unstoppable force.

                                                                                -Bria

“Resources vs. resourcefulness” is a topic that is heavily on my mind these days.  I realize that in our society even our poor are very rich by the world’s standards.  We have been so blessed with resources in this vast expanse of land.  I am very aware of the affluence since I remember very well the rations required by people when I was a small child at the end of World War II.  

    I have to remind myself that when people seem to waste resources easily, they did not grow up in the same period of time I did.  They have no reference point to remind them to save and to reuse things for the greater good of the country.  Yes, I am pleased that recycling programs and ecosystem protection are a standard part of our school curriculums.  These are steps in protecting our world.  However, most people do not feel a great need to recycle or to reuse unless they have faced real suffering in their own lives.  When the fear of death or suffering is present, people tend to look to resourcefulness.  Many great heroes have arisen to such an occasion!

    Learning to think is probably the most ignored skill in education today.  Not many classes are dedicated to the teaching of “thinking” and reasoning.  Without such skills, it is a very difficult task to “dream” or to “invent” solutions to life’s problems.  With the advent of the internet, students think that all information is so handy and readily available that they need not bother with “thinking skills.”  And with this change in attitude, I see fewer and fewer students  relying  upon their own resourcefulness to solve problems.

    I constantly am teaching my first grade students to find alternative solutions to problems.  I resent the new idea in our country that, “It is easier and cheaper to just buy a new gadget rather than fix it!”  I hate the throw away idea of broken possessions being only good for the landfill!  So, even though many may think I am old-fashioned and out of touch with reality, I will continue to use resourcefulness to solve problems before I decide to just “chuck it into the garbage heap!”

    My students are being taught to plan, find strategies, consider alternatives, and to come up with usable resources which do not “break the bank!”  I will prime their inventive pumps by teaching them about our heroes of the past who have made our lives today much safer, and much easier.  I will teach them to take pride in a “broken object” which they “fixed all by myself.”  I have seen many promising results already from these very smart children.  It makes each new day of teaching a wonderful challenge to me…and a day I don’t want to miss!  What a great life this is…loving to go to work and to do what I do!    Kay

     To understand this week’s topic, you have to consider the alternative:  resources.  If someone has “resources,” he doesn’t really need to be resourceful.  For instance, if a child wants to be Iron Man for Halloween, and his parents have lots of money or access to a costume closet, then the child is Iron Man for Halloween because of his parents’ resources.  However, if money is tight and no friends are employed in the costume industry, a mom will have to become resourceful.  She gathers materials and makes the cutest Iron Man costume ever!

     Probably one of my biggest complaints about kids today is their lack of resourcefulness.  It’s no wonder, though.  I’ve got students who break a brand new iPhone, and their parents replace it by the next day.  This age group has resources beyond each member’s age because mom and dad feel guilty for not saying “yes” to every whim.  They become the port through which the child gets almost whatever he wants.  Mom and Dad become a “resource.”   Because of this, the children do not become resourceful.

    How can you guard against stealing your child’s resourcefulness potential?  Stop solving everything for him/her.  It’s when we cannot solve something that we become resourceful.  How is your child supposed to have opportunities to become resourceful if he never has a problem to solve himself?  This is the time when you watch your child work from a distance.  If saving needs to occur, you’ll figure that out.  But nine times out of ten, the child becomes resourceful if you’ll just give him time to quit complaining and begin thinking. 

-          Michelle

Desire: Being Solution-Conscious Rather than Problem-Conscious

If you have ever worked in a fast-paced environment you know that there are a lot of things going on quickly and it is inevitable that something will go wrong at some point. When that happens, many people have a natural inclination to focus on the problem and worry about how it cannot be solved. However, leaders and people with true leadership potential are not focusing on the problem. These people immediately jump to, “how do we fix it?” 

This might be partially natural, but it is also learned and trained. These people have found out through experience that leaders in their life take action. They don’t just mope around and whine about the problems. In a workplace it is easy for the “big boss”  to distinguish leaders from followers by seeing who looks for solutions instead of focusing on problems. This is a part of the unspoken criteria that helps advance people in a corporate hierarchy.

Unlike some of our steps to success, this is a skill that we can start practicing immediately in our lives. Whether you were in school or working, there are small problems that occur in our daily lives. Next time you face one of these issues try to consciously focus on the solution to the problem rather than worrying about the problem itself. This is something that will take practice. Our brains naturally want to focus on the issue at hand and it can be easy to spiral and worry about that problem. With a little work, we can retrain our brains to stop focusing on the problem and start working on a solution.

Next time you run into a problem at school, home, or work take a second and think about the bigger situation. Give yourself the space to look at the bigger picture. When the problem arises, we often react emotionally instead of rationally. Taking a moment and really thinking about what is going on can help us understand things that we might have missed initially. Once you have taken yourself out of the emotional reaction, you are better equipped to come up with a responsible solution. This won’t always be the easiest way to tackle challenges but finding a solution to your problem will be satisfying in the end. Next time you have a problem come up, try to solve it. Even if it is small and you would generally just let it go, the practice of solving things can help train your brain to be solution-oriented. Developing this skill is so important to becoming a successful leader,

                                                                                -Bria

This one is also a biggie!  It can make or destroy an organization.  Leaders can work against it with every ounce of effort possible, but one person can keep all of that work from being enough.  And the biggest aid to the problem-conscious?  The Internet.  It is a 24/7 source of reasons to be upset. 

     There was a teacher at our school at one point who told her students not to come to her with their problems, but instead come with their idea for a solution.  For example, “I forgot my pencil” becomes “I forgot my pencil, but I see one over there.  Can I borrow it?”  Good idea!

     If we teach our children to solve their own small problems, they become problem-solvers.  Then when they have a problem, instead of griping and moaning, they start solving.  We, of course, must teach them when it is time to reach out for help in that solution, but that is the natural next step after teaching them to solve small problems.  If you do this faithfully, rather than solving every little issue for your child, your teen will become part of the solution to his own and possibly the world’s problems!

                             Michelle

Being “solution conscious – not problem conscious” is Zig Ziglar’s way of talking about being a “fixer.”  I am certainly a fixer!  My daughter, Michelle and my husband are also fixers!  This is a good thing…except when we have different ideas about how to fix the same thing at the same time!  Talk about a room full of strong-willed people!  In fact, much of our school’s faculty is made up of fixers!  We are never at a loss for solutions offered to prevent or to fix a problem.

    This previous paragraph may surprise people, but many of our students growing up today are not “fixers” but rather complainers about how bad things are…how bored they are…how unfair life is…and on and on.  Even mundane problems like how to get their over-stuffed backpacks to fit into their lockers seem to overwhelm them.  So, I see students just walk away and let someone else fix the problem.  

    Perhaps what I am witnessing is the result of so many helicopter parents who hover over their children making life suit the child’s every need. I am not quite sure if that can explain it or not.  But I am aware that many of our students just wait for someone else to find the solutions to any and all problems of life.  And if a solution isn’t found at the speed of the fastest computer or cellphone, they are dismayed.

    To help my young students take the first steps at solution seeking, we play all kinds of games in which strategy and foresight are needed.  We solve conundrums of many types which teach them patience.  Likewise, we have studied how great scientists have used the scientific methods to develop vaccines and life-saving medicines.  As I have mentioned before, we have seen how Dr. George Washington Carver found over 300 uses for peanuts.  

    Studying the experiments of Thomas Edison to develop the light bulb really showed the students how persistence was needed to be successful. 

    At the present time, I am struggling with the nation’s constant banter about the problems of education in our nation’s schools.  We hear about all the problems, pass legislation which throws more money at it, and we still are lagging behind other nations in math and reading.  Not once in the constant stream of grievance-airing have I heard a solution given such as look at the curriculum…look at the expectations we have for our students.  

    I saw the problems…my husband and I went into deep financial debt…but we founded a school where we did and do look at curriculum and brain-compatible teaching methods.  We have found solutions.  No, we haven’t solved all educational problems.  Yet, we have made an overwhelming difference in the lives of students and families who have trusted us.  Michelle has set into motion many ideas which make our graduates career-ready when they leave our school.  I like what our Accreditation Reviewer wrote about our school: “They are doing education right!”  We certainly are putting forth solutions…and we will continue to find more and more solutions.  Why?  Because we are solution conscious!

    Finally, I can say we have stepped through that door at the top of the stairway to success. And as we mentioned before, one of our dear patrons said, “Hey!  Congratulations for being an overnight success.  And it only took twenty years to do it!”  We could sit back and just think about our journey to the top.  However, none of our family is able to do that.  We each, even my grandchildren, are constantly turning to one another and beginning a conversation by saying, “Hey!  You know what we could do?   Maybe we should…”  And off we go again!    

-Kay

Desire: Ignorant Intelligence

“Desire creates intelligent ignorance,” according to Zig Ziglar in the See You at the Top program.  He defines this ignorance as the characteristic or capability of not knowing what you can’t do… and doing it anyway.”  It seems many people have accomplished the near impossible just through this intelligent ignorance.

    I must admit that I, too, have realized the possibility of this intelligent ignorance, for I have enjoyed a most successful career in education in spite of the fact that I began my career without a single college class in education courses!  Perhaps my motivation was a major factor: my husband and I were dirt poor at the time, and I needed the work to help him provide for our two young children and ourselves.

    Someone once said, “Some folks fall into fortune; but nobody ever yet fell into success.”  This certainly is true.  I was able to lay a foundation of excellence in my teaching career, but it took hours and years of hard work which demanded long hours of planning outside of the regular school day.  I tried things which other educators said “couldn’t be done.”  Amazingly, the students hadn’t learned that it couldn’t be done…so together, we accomplished many great “impossibilities!”  

    As J.G. Holland said, “The heart is wiser than the intellect.”  I had a heart for students and a desire to help them learn beyond what was “average.”  Thus, I always was able to extract “more” than the usual from familiar lessons.  I realize that the gifts God gave me were an important part of this journey.  My mother sacrificed to get me guitar lessons and piano lessons because she never had that opportunity when she was young.  These talents along with a gift of art have served me well in teaching my students to go beyond the usual.  

    When I first thought of opening a private school, I was met with much discouragement and even anger by people in the community.  However, I was encouraged by my husband and God set things into motion, which challenged me to establish Lawton Academy of Arts and Sciences in 1998-99.   “Discouragement is like a baby, the more you nurse it, the bigger it grows.”  So…I chose to ignore all the discouragement out there, and God has richly blessed us all…teachers, students, parents, and even our community.  God has kept me in the intelligent ignorance by blessing me with my daughter, Michelle and son-in-law, J.T. Smith, who are two of the most positive and enthusiastic cheerleaders I know.  They, like my husband and me, go ahead doing what seemingly can’t be done!         Kay